Last time on Survivor: Pearl Islands Morgan learns how to use a spear. Michelle sucks but Darrah Swallows. And that’s goodbye Michelle….
Da da da deda deda da da da, da da da deda da da da….
Horay, it’s episode 6. The tribes are 5-6. Of course, the in classic survivor tradition, this is the episode for the producers to do anything possible to even up the tribes, although this time they didn’t have to resort to pushing anyone into a fire.
Coming back from TC-
Trish- “I thought Michelle left with a lot of class” Rupert- “She did, she’s a very good girl, and it’s too bad she’s not on the tribe anymore’ Confessional- My first tribal council sucked. I was mad, I was tired, I was pissed off, I didn’t want to be there anymore” Jeez, does Hagrid ever talk about anything but himself? Is he just a little self-rightous? Aww… and he liked Michelle…
Rupert-“we were brutally honest this time, and I’m sorry If I offended anyone with my comments” As if Someone was going to jump up and say ‘you know what, you’re comments did offend me.’ The Tribe-‘No, not at all’ Rupert-“Good tribe…”
Rupert in Confessional -“The peasants don’t see that we gave the other tribe a lot of momentum” good king Rupert decrees. (I’m getting a little sick of the Rupert Show.) Talking to Balboa “I can’t believe I wrote down Michelle instead of Shawn. She vomited on me.” Begs the question, Rupert, how come you don’t have any sway on who votes for whom? Balboa – now I’m not sure, but I think he was saying something along the lines of : “please stop crushing me oww please organs collapsing please I’m dying I’m cold oww” ::suffering::
Rupert stuffs the snake into the Lentils bag, only to discover in the morning that more than one member of the Drake got ‘voted off the island’ last night.
Rupert pulls the cold dead corpse from the bag. Rupert- “I was just trying to pet him…” Confessional – Tears-
Then Shawn assclown struts up. –“how’s, uh, the snake” Rupert: (singsong) ‘he’s dead’ “They wanna use him for bait, so I’m gonna bury him’ “So he’s dead.” “Yeah” “That’s so sad.” ::scratches his face:: ‘I wonder how long my beard is….’ Shawn thinks.
Shawn on Burton He was a little upset. He get’s attached to funny little things…. One of those things was a little snake he found in the water. He’s a funny guy, he has empathy for other creatures. Who knows, that’s Rupert.
Bum bum buda bum!!!!
MORGAN! Oh morgan, reminding us of how editing can make some people look like garbage one day and superheroes the next. And how do we know that Morgan’s gonna win this weeks challenge? Because the most exciting thing that happens this week is a pelican comes, Osten hates it, and it leaves!
Morgan gets a friend! Oh look! Wow, this is exciting! a pelican! It’s Ryno’s new friend, pelican pete!!! He has a soft spot for animals, and that’s good. Unfortunately, not everyone likes Pelican Pete. In fact, we learn that he hates all animals. Osten- “The next animal that will bite me will die. I’ll cut it’s head off.” And under the soft sounds of Osten sharpening his machete, Ryno escorts the pelican off of Morgan Beach.
Darrah- “Osten’s scared of every little bug.” Savage- “OT’s being an ass. I’m embarrassed.” Ryno – “I think Osten is scared. Why even come out here.”
Bum budda bum budda budda bum
Jeez that was lame, we already knew that Osten’s an infantile ass.
More Drake bickering!
Rupert things they should raise the floor to their shelter, maybe that will keep out the bugs. I think it would help if they slept under their mosquito netting, but that’s me.
Shawn decides to speak up in opposition. Just like when Rupert decided to move the Morgan shelter and Osten complained. Has anybody else thought about the Shawn/Osten parallel? Pretty urban cowboys who are lazy, dumb and useless?
Shawn- I believe this is a waste of time and energy can’t we just do it tomorrow
Jon gives Shawn the finger. Sandra is happy. Shawn needs to be taught that as the last remaining pretty person, by classic survivor rules, he has to become the slave boy of the majority alliance. Shawn recommends that they collect a few logs and drape the bamboo across them. This is not such plan, but Jon is pissed and is actually moving the bamboo. Jon erupts, somewhat sloppy, yells at Shawn for being lazy and for speaking when not spoken to. Shawn already knows that he’s screwed vote wise, tells Jon to shut up. I second that. Jon doesn’t listen, and Shawn stands up and yells at him. “Shut Up!” I get excited, he’s gonna hit him!! Please, Shawn, for the good of the tribe, a good smack across the face. Jon scurries off, yelling. Shawn puts the thing together by himself. He’s not anybody’s buddy, at least since Bert left.
Commercials Look! The Beatles! Queen Latifa! Visa! Wellbutrin doesn’t have sexual side effects! Disney crap. I wish every episode she would shout “I am Joan of Arcadia!” and white armor flies on around her and she gets a big sword and an exciting theme plays.
Dada dum dum da da dum dum woah,
Tree mail! Jon sings for us, and, jangling a ball back and forth, Shawn keeps the beat.
They don’t eat bugs, Nobody fights, Yawn… This challenge totally bites
Line up the canon And take your best shot We’re trying not to stray From the whole pirate plot
Trish- “We need strategy, some trick, some scheme to get us back in the groove. “ Trish, to Rupert- “We just need to win” Good plan.
Andrew goes first. He’s the leader. He misses. Had a little English on it. (I don’t think that’s the right term. I mean, you can’t spin a cannonball. )
Jon shoots first for Drake. He has a ridiculous scarf on that says Johny Fairplay. Jiffy- which one are you aiming for? Jon- the orange one Jiffy- I hate you.
Rhino and Sandra. They both hit. Trish and Tijuana. Trish hits. “It wasn’t the one I was aiming for” Does Trish just get more and more irritating as this episode progresses? Osten Hits, Rupert Hits. It’s now 3-2 Drake Darrah hits.Why is Darrah the last in the batting order?! Hasn't she mentioned her extensive gun collection?!?! Shawn misses.
Christa and Andrew.
Andrew chokes, Christa is a nerd, and uses a shell to line up her shot. Still it works. The Drake Tribe- “Drake Drake Drake we won!!!” Always gracious winners.
Commercials. ::fast forward::
Drum roll, kettle drums, Pelican Pete floats around
Trish is yelling. “Drake Drake! Surf and Turf!” Listen, Morgan is well out of earshot.
This is the best thing that’s happened to Shawn, well, ever since Burt left. Sandra just picked the steak up off the grill and just ate it.
Does she dress up for confessionals? She’s usually in that pink suit thingy, hair up in a bun, except in confessionals when she wears her buff as a top and her hair is all down and making rather dashing curls across her face.
Do do do do, do do do. (Pirate Whistle)
Day 18. Rupert wakes the kids “Jon, you got a big day today!” Jon “It’s early… I’m 13”
Well, according to Jon, the Morgan’s morale must be really low because they lost a challenge (even though they have just won the last three, and that reward challenge wasn’t the biggest deal). And since they’re morale is so low, he’s gonna come over and Stomp up and down on it! So their morale is bad come immunity. Yeah, you’re a man. Piss them off, get them all personally upset, because then they’ll be weaker?
Once seeing who it is, Tijuana ditches her customary gentility. She calls him irritating, and Savage reminds her not to clench her fists. Jon starts politely, tells him what he’s going to take up front, a pot, and takes a little shower (thankfully off camera).
They’re talking about talking smack. I dunno. But then Andrew mentions that it’s hard when you lose 6 challenges in a row. Goldilocks corrects him, “technically it’s 7, because we threw the chess-piece one. Don’t you know!? Are you stupid or something?”
Jon, just because you purposefully lost a challenge does not mean that you won it. It also does not mean that if your tribe had tried, you would have won. It does mean that you cut off your nose to spite your face.
Jon thinks this is all hilarious. Morgan is nowhere near as entertained. Tijuana, Darrah, Ryno and Savage are lined up against him. Here Tijuana, you grab the arms. Darrah, you get the legs. Hmm.. maybe they should hit him with bars of soap, a là Full Metal Jackets. Just something painful, that leaves bruises, please.
Savage- “I think that’s nonensense and I think it’s bad sportsmanship, for him, the bastard, to indicate that we didn’t fare and square win the challenge, and that f***ing pissant to try to take that away from us. But he’s a liar!” (at this point Savage is at tears.) So it seems almost as if Jon’s plan worked. But then Savage is struck with a rare moment of clarity and sees jon’s entire plan “He came here to ruffle some feathers” he said “and he did, and it concerns me from an immunity standpoint because he’s causing dissention in the ranks.”
Then he gets Angry. “Let’s take the gloves off, see what they’re made of. Let the games begin, let’s have some fun.”
Dah Dah! Dah Dah, Dah! Immunity!
Christa has disgusting bug bites or spots or melanomas or something covering her face. She looks like an overgrown blond pipi longstocking. Jiffy points out her skin problems. Tijuana's appalled.
I love this challenge of cruelty and pain. 3 Survivor are chosen to hold poles, onto which sandbags will be added in 20 pound increments. The opposing tribe gets to choose who gets the 20 each round. Last man standing wins. From the set-up you know this challenge was rigged for Morgan to win. It’s Osten, Ryno and Savage vs. Christa Rupert and Shawn. The challenge was obviously selected from the batch to give Morgan the victory. But also in classic survivor style, it doesn’t go down as expected.
Morgan and Drake first both attack the “strongest” members of the opposing tribe, Osten and Rupert. But Drake begins to spread the weight first. As a result, we get Rupe at 160 while Osten’s at 120. Osten drops first at 160, quickly followed by Rupert at 220. At that point, Savage gets loaded up, Morgan decides to split it’s weight.
Savage is composed at 160. ‘Savage is amazing’ someone says. “You gotta take someone out!” he stammers. Tequilla and Darrah take the hint and start to attack Shawn. Shawn is at 140, doesn’t look happy. In fact, he kind of looks like a baboon here. His lower lip is puffed out.
Jon, confidently- “Savage is done… You got it Shawn, this contest is made for you.” At which point Shawn drops. Jesus, 140. And he didn’t even hold it.
Tijuana pumps her fist. C’mon morgan! Savage musters.
Christa vs. Rhino + Savage… hmm… Christa at 160. Rhino at 140, Savage at 160. Here’s the challenge’s twist: Christa is doing very well. But as more weight was added to Savage, Christa hates life much too much to support that bar any longer.
So Jiffy hands the idol to Morgan. Jiffy really likes Savage. “You should give that to Savage, he deserves it” “Give it a kiss” (well, that was Ryno) “Savage, you have tears in your eyes” Andrew looks up. “Yeah, feel good?”
High on the Endorphines, Jiffy turns to Drake. “I know you weren’t planning on going to Tribal council.” And, as prophesized by the producers, the game is tied up, by a challenge that Drake coulda won had they not thrown a challenge. Everything in a neat little karmic bow. I love tv.
1500 dollars for a leather bustier?! It lifts and separates! Home Depot. Yum Nicotene Lozenges! Devo’s sold out. Pretty people selling something. Shave off an eyebrow. CSI: Dead baby in a car!!!
Sad, meandering guitar.
Rupert is sad. Probably upset and angry and tired too. Shawn apologizes for sucking. Rupert is pissed.“That was the worst pitifulist ass performance I’ve ever seen. He should be voted off, if nothing else, for that” “I want him off my island and out of my adventure” Your adventure, Rupe?
Thank heaven, Shawn, that Trish decides to screw herself. Trish (with Sandra and Jon) – “he has so much power.” Jon- “yup” Trish- “This is not feeling right. He could win with either team” Trish- “what do you think?” Sandra – “what do we tell Christa” Jon- Don’t tell her nothing. We’ll tell Shawn he has to vote for Rupe, or he gets the belt” Trish- “What are the ramifications” Jon- “Food” Trish- “For a million dollars, can you…” Jon- “Starve? Yeah. “ Sandra- “So it’s a done deal?” Jon- “I guess so. It’s the smartest way to play the game right now.” Trish (confessional)- “the more we talked about it, the better we felt.”
Hey idiots, you guys forgot to check with Sandra if she’d go along with you. Trish (deluded)- “we’ve all come to this decision. Me, Jon and Sandra.”
Sandra blabs, of course, to Christa, and then to Rupert. They decide to take Shawn and vote against Trish.
“I can’t believe Jon and Trish are trying to get me out” Ok “Before the merge!” He’s freakin’ pretentious.
Rupert explains to Shawn the plot, throws him a bone and scratches him behind the ears. Shawn believes that he’s in a final 2 with Rupe. Jon now tells Shawn that Rupe is the next to go. Shawn plays it cool. He knows the deal…
Jiffy- “I know you weren’t expecting to be here.” Sandra- “They’re dying of hunger. We were gonna win.” Heh, Rupe, teach a man to fish…
Jiff- “you held a lot of weight, freak” Christa- “It was hard. It sucked.”
Jiff- “Hagrid, you’re sad” Rupert- “I’m gonna cry” Jiffy- “why, tough guy?” Rupe- “We shouldn’t be here.” Jiff- “What, are you upset that you’re a loser? Or that half the tribe is trying to vote you out?” Rupe- “we started out so strong, (then we voted out Burton and Michelle).. blah blah, hope, blah, hope it’s not me, blah blah rebuild” Jiff- “why you?” Rupe- “They don’t understand that I'm to valuable to let go! For some reason they think that I might win a string of immunities and win a jury vote. But they need me to win challenges!”
Jiff- “What do you think about Rupe thinking that everyone’s turned on him?” Trish-“ I’m surprised, lies, lies, I had no idea, lies, more lies. It’s hard lies to vote someone out.”
Jiff- “how sure are you that it’s not you?” Sandra- “I know it’s not me. This person has got to go.” Everyone laughs. This is like when they all decided to throw the challenge and everyone was in on it. Drake is rather self-destructive.
Christa- Trish, you backstabber Jon- Rupert, I get my way. Sandra- Trish, you’re a snake, you can’t be trusted. Adios. Trish- Rupert, you have too much power. Rupert- Trish, you’re a liar. Shawn- (obviously Trish) You know what? Gameover. It’s my game now. Yeah baby.
Votes are read. Decision is final.
Jon is screwed! knows it. At last, a little pain and humility on that pissant’s face.
Jiffy- “filler, nothing is certain, g’nite”
Da da da deda deda da da da, da da da deda da da da….
Next time on survivor: Drake bickers, some lame tribe of booted players, but Furry Fetish murder on CSI!!!