Very slick programming trying to get me to watch victoria's secrets this week and with the 10 minutes of last weeks summaries - i was ready to jump on over.
Anyway this week we get going with the aftermath of last weeks bonfire & rhoda is still boo hooing her little eyes out over rico suave.
"I just want him to experience things with these other girls and realize he wants me more..." does anybody think that's even possible?! There are 10 girls throwing themselves at your boyfriend & all of them have given the big green light - lets reconsider what you want him to 'experience'.
The first game of the day at club-med is called power dating, a big chinese fire drill that we saw on the booze-cruise where i think they called it...oh yea, power dating. Adrian wants to know if you dig black guys & he cleverly disguises his question using ice cream. I say disguises because the bimbettes are clearly confused. One girl ordered up some girl scout chocolate thin mints and another responds "uuuummm...omg! I don't understand the question, uh could you repeat the question? Ummm i dunno, like, can i phone a friend?"
In the mean time gisele is over on nbc in a smashing little two piece talking about how she got into modeling - yea like we care...
Over on the guy side, tom is the hot property the girls are all fighting over, but when he walks over to the girls, rhoda busts out the teeth and blinds him long enough to look away and choose chia-pet. Just to cover his tracks, tom-boy later goes into damage control mode & makes sure there somthing going with rhoda on the back burner so he's got options when nikkhole tanks out.
Over in the background poor juby hangs his head and thinks...."maybe i should change my name so they realize i'm a guy"
I about had a cow when rico suave announces that he selected tiffany because she seemed smart, articulate, blah blah, blah and she's really got her things together - while he simlutaneously makes this squeezing together motion with his hands. (I swear...check the tape).
Princess quenivere hooks up with scuba-steve and tries to get him to commit to marriage. "Hey c'mon, lets get married underwater...it'll be fun - you'll see"
John goes for the hippy-chick girl since he's still a little bruised in the wallet from gold-digger and wants to make sure he can afford the date.
I don't remember who got stuck with freak-show tony, but she basically told him to quit being such a woman.
After previewing all the dates it's pretty clear to me that everyone is on their best behavior like it's some sort of country club formal & i'm wondering when the producers are going to break out the booze and the x to get the party rollin. And whaddya know, back at the love shack in the mens village, the whorin as already started as hilary latches onto rico suave like a stray dog.
"whhhoooaa..slow down there hilary, there plenty to go around and amanda's on deck baby. She's really thirsty & for some reason keeps spilling her tequilla down my shirt." "nipples? Yea, i got nipples - you show me yours & i'll show you mine."
Amanda's not the only one who's loosening up either, as we catch a glimpse of adrian doing some dry-humping of his own down by the pool and is clearly in heat. Hilary, who can't believe rico is dumping her (after all that time we spent, boo-hoo) marches away in tears.
Apparently all the camera crews were following the best promise for action since the boo-hoo sulking session over at the girls dorm got no coverage.
Wow!! Tyra banks really has a nice ass.
Soooo it's that time already where we sit around and roast marshmallos by the bonfire and make fun of self induced psycho-trauma. Each guy gets a chance to view a video of the guy who most wants to get in his girlfriends pants & in exchange, their girl gets to find out who his own secret santa is.
Adrian plays it smooth claiming "i don't want to watch it, but i want to make sure i have ammunition so i can dump her and then blame it on her, so i will"
Rico suave looks at his tape who happens to be tommy-boy and that guy is laying on the cream cheeze faster than an aeresol can. "I know you're the one i can make a connection with because i've already taken a crack at all the other b;tches and struck out. Our philosophies are sooo matching - you like air & i like air, you like to show off your implants & i like to look at them. We are soooo made for each other"
John takes the moral high ground & declines to look at gold-diggers prince charming & i actually feel bad for him because he needs to break the cord...fast.
Later, the girls get together at the campfire for the same video teleplays and while they guys all saw the videos thinking 'what an ass that guy is going after my girl', one by one the girls say:
"awww, it was sweet" "she's so nice..." "i'm so glad someone's looking out for him" "i'm so happy for him"
Is that some kind of bizarre self rationalization or just denial that your boy will be jumping those girls in the hot tub whn you're not looking?
Anyway that about caps this week except for rico-mundo's brilliant quote at the end (in scenes from next week) where he says "i didn't think the temptation would be so strong in just 10 days..." think!!?? What the hell are you thinking for? There's a naked girl lying in your bed - thiking time is over pal.
Well, fortunately there's tivo - now back to victoria's little secrets.