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Cupid - Episode 6 Summary

'Night of the Living Dead' By Swami
Original Airdate: August 12, 2003

I love live shows! So nitty. So gritty. You never know what will happen…

Like this week, Host Brian McFayden accidentally oversleeps and almost misses the show. When he rushes onto the set during the last few seconds of the opening music, he hasn’t even had time to comb his hair! He looks like he’s been sleeping in the back of his Chevy Caprice all week. He’s even wearing striped pajama tops under his a suit coat.

Anyway, this week’s show starts off a little differently. The guys are introduced and make their grand entrances one-by-one as the audience claps wildly. Hank, Dominic and Robert get the most applause.

Brian then introduces the seated “Guardian Angels”. He calls Laura a ‘Pit-bull in lip gloss’. Others have called her a rottweiler. What all these dog references mean is, yes, Laura is a bitch on wheels. Bitch, bitch, bitch. Stamped, certified, and never been spayed. However, she is wearing a low-cut pink slip dress & looks very hot. Kimberly is wearing a fussy, over-controlled and collared thing that sort of suits her sour-faced personality.

Then Lisa enters with her practiced swinging strut. I so want to hate this girl but she is just too darn likeable. She is wearing a pouffy little black skirt. Only truly skinny girls can wear stuff like that. You know, stuff that makes your hips look bigger. Laura would look like a cow in that skirt.

Next up are some tapes of the Cupid Bachelor House. Turns out the guys are all living together in a sort of boy harem when they are not actually dating Lisa. They wash dishes and dish about each other. Dominic thinks Robert should have been ditched last week, not Rob. Ken is just happy it wasn’t him. Robert says . Joe is happy—“One less guy to worry about.” Hank reveals that he has had a strategy all along, but he doesn’t share this strategy. Renda thinks voting guys off “sucks”. Whatever. On with the show.

The Broken Arrow.
Bye-bye to one scary guy.

Once again, all the guys are shown clutching little pink and red cupid arrows while host Brian calls forth the low vote getters. This time, there are three—Ken, Renda and Scott. That means—Holy Sh!t—Robert is getting a lot of votes! What is wrong with America? The poor guys get one last going over from the nasty Harpies Laura and Kimberly. Ken takes it well this time, announcing that he is a “regular” in the hot seat is okay with that. Renda seems surprised to be called out. Scott looks smug and perverted, like always.

Anyway, yada-yada-yada Scott is the one with the fewest votes so Brian breaks his little phallic-symbol arrow. Bye-bye Scott. America is happy to see you leave. We didn’t like you on Blind Date and we still don’t like you. So ta-ta and I hope the door hits you in the butt as you exit.

You know, this show would be so much more dramatic if they stuck the arrow through each losers head or something. Maybe shot him in the ass, I don’t know. Snapping it just seems so anticlimactic. They don’t even have good break-the-arrow music. Oh well….

Scott leaves. Check out Brian's hair!

This Week’s Date Theme Is…

Sleep deprivation!!! Brian explains that sleep deprivation will give Lisa a chance to see each guy with their guard down and their true character thus revealed. How Machiavellian is that? Each guy will be deprived of sleep for about 30 hours, then given $1,000 dollars and set loose in a ritzy shopping area with instructions to buy Lisa a complete outfit of clothes (including undies & shoes) suitable to wear for whatever date they have planned. Actually, I like this idea. Nothing is funnier than guys trying to shop for girls. And most fun of all, Lisa will actually have to wear each outfit on her date!

Ken’s Date. He’s a Bra Man.

Ken gets the first date. He is shown shopping with confidence, and says he has shopped for girls before. Yeah, right! The first item he chooses is a lovely hot-pink or strawberry red bra. (Okay, my TV has color adjustment issues—all I know for sure is that it is some very, very bright shade of pink.) He studies the bra tenderly before admitting to the camera that “ Oh heck, I’ll never get to see it, anyway.” Then he picks out a very low-cut black dress with crisscross straps on the low-cut back.

Ken has dinner reservations at a very swank, upscale looking restaurant. He is so hopeful! Pretty soon Lisa enters looking elegant, looking beautiful—well, except for the big pink bra which is barely covered by the little black dress and sticks out front, back and sideways! Bwahahaha!!! The audience roars with laughter. Ken moans and laughs in embarrassment. Such a funny moment, and yet—moms across America are thinking, “So? Teen-age girls dress exactly like this for High School! What’s the friggin’ big deal?”

Lisa excuses herself and removes the offending bra. She passes it across the dinner table to Ken, as a souvenir. He blushes and passes it right back to her. Minus the pink bra, Lisa’s dress fits well and looks quite lovely. Ken is happy because now that she is braless he can get a better view of her cleavage. They eat. They have fun. They talk about what they have in common. Yes, Ken actually talks to Lisa without thinking too hard. It’s the first time he has relaxed a bit in her presence.

Facing the Harpies

Amazingly, Laura approves of the sleep-deprived Ken. “You do better when you’re tired. You should pull all-nighters more often.” Ken looks stunned. Laura likes him!

Kimberly agrees. “You have a personality! It took you a few weeks, but you finally came through!” (See if I were Ken I would be ticked off by this insult disguised as a complement. But Ken has no personality so he accepts her words at face value.)

Evan’s Date. Why Does She Like Him?

Blonde volleyball coach Evan looks like a zombie as he shops. Evidently this guy needs his beauty sleep. First he gets bitchy because he thinks the salesgirl led him to the men’s pant department, even though he is in a women’s only store. He finally clues in when he sees the pants are all kind of silky, slinky, and come in size 0 and size 2.

He decides the best way to pick out panties might be to try them on himself, so right there in the ladies underwear aisle he slips a pair of lacy panties on over his own street pants! They look, well, stupid. And I fail to see what good this has done for him since anything that will slip over his street pants has got to be way too big for Lisa. Maybe he just likes wearing women’s panties? He finally finds a cute top and a bra, telling the long-suffering sales clerk that “If the bra sticks out, that’s okay.” See? This guy knows how girls really dress! He probably has the underwear preferences of every girl on his volleyball team memorized.

They go to some kind of Surfer Restaurant and laugh a lot. Lisa’s bra hangs out; Evan stares at her chest. They wind up slow dancing in the parking lot. Evan has this weird thing about kissing. It must be done under cover. So he pulls his buttoned shirt up around his face and invites Lisa to stick her head into the gaping hole and kiss him. I personally am freaked out and wonder what the heck he is hiding. Does he drool? Is he one of those guys who doesn’t ever close his eyes but just goes all funny and cross-eyed instead? Whatever, Lisa doesn’t think his hidden kiss fetish is weird at all. She sticks her head into the hole. Evan calls it an “Elvis kiss.” I never do figure out why.

Facing the Harpies

Yeah, the Harpies still don’t like him, because a Player is a Player is a Player. Lisa still thinks he’s ready to settle down if the right woman comes along. Why do so many women make this mistake?

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