We're given an idea from the get-go about how long and drawn out this show will be just by watching our host walk through what seems like 10 rooms in two minutes. We're hit with our first shocking twist as the host walks into the conservatory. There is not just one, but *two* bachelors. I so did not see that coming *coughFLOM4cough*. They will compete to be the one left standing after The Very First Women's Rose Ceremony. After that, it's all catfights, backstabbing, and sobbing, the things we cherish most. But first, let's meet our bachelors shall we?
Ok, I haven't read or heard much about this season, but it seems ABC has finally gotten a clue and is now casting older desperate attention whores as opposed to younger desperate attention whores in an attempt to up the chances for The Rebirth of Trista's Wedding. I'm thinking this age thing is pretty cool. With more mature men and women, perhaps there is hope for this show, and maybe even for a relationship. Little do I know how wrong, wrong, wrong I am.
The bachelors Byron and Jay meet each other. They follow the host through the library, courtyard, bathroom, back through the courtyard, and into the secret room where all the shocking secret twists are revealed. There they are told they are going to get a look at the competition. Stupidly, I'm thinking that we will get to see those oh-so-funny audition tapes from the women, but instead, we get to watch not-funny-unless-you're-high videos of the men.
Byron is a bass fisherman, whose office is the water. Where does he put his post-it notes? Ok, I'm jealous, but at least my face doesn't look like a Coach purse that's been run over by a train. He's a SoCal native who grew up at the beach and loves to fish because his earliest memory was fishing with his dad. *Cue sad music* Byron's parents divorced when he was young, thankfully we pictures of him as a boy because I can't imagine him looking younger than Phyllis Diller. Anyhoo, his dad left and he had to take on the role of the man of the house, yada yada yada. He graduated from college, in 1987, I note, and think Byron should discover the wonderful world of moisturizer because in 5 years he will look like he's 80. He's won some fishing awards which are meaningless to me, but apparently he's good cause he's got some big shiny trophies. Byron's friend talks to us as we are shown shots of Byron biking, playng pool, petting his dog, and rescuing 3 cats from a house fire. Byron has been married before, but apparently his wife liked to party Vegas style, and he needed someone at home to clean and gut his fish while he's out doing more outdoorsy stuff.
Jay seems to be the complete opposite of Byron right off the bat, in that he seems to utilize proper skin care. Jay's the city mouse to Byron's beach mouse. He works in real estate in New York City, grew up in a large family in which he has a twin sister, and went to prep school. *Cue sad music again* Jay's father passed away, and we're only given seconds to contemplate that before we are shown the requisite clips of Jay playing golf, hanging out with his family, getting sparkling reviews from his brother and mom, and I actually am hoping he will be the Bachelor. I know, however, that hope on a reality show is as non-existant as a purple people eater.
The men are shown pictures of the women, and prepared for the crazy day ahead. Twenty-five women will be arriving, and they have *no idea* that there's not just one, but *****two***** bachelors! I hope they have EMS standing by to help the women deal with shock.