Previously on “The Apprentice”…eh, last week’s episode was pretty boring.
Troy tells the others he’s worried that Kwame might have been fired since he was the Project Manager. Katrina states the obvious, hoping Primadonnarosa would get the boot. When Kwame and Heidi walked through the door, there was much rejoicing. Will Protégé be stronger now that Omadelusionalarosa is gone? Amy and Troy say yes, Kwame isn’t as sure.
While her suitemates sleep, a pasty film covers their mouths. Oh, and Heidi heads to the hospital in Hackensack (note: do not read that last phrase out loud if you’ve eaten onions recently). After a hug from her sister, Heidi visits Mom. The visit reminded her that “this game is not the only thing in life that counts”.
Reality 101: During most reality shows, there will be an emotional personal tale that allows the audience insight into one of the contestants. This contestant will start out in a less-than-favorable light, but will be redeemed through the personal struggle. When it’s time for the loser to depart – and this storyline always involves a loser (after all, the winner’s storyline is hey, they won) – the audience will be impressed that the contestant “won” by growing through the experience and took home something bigger than the advertised prize. OK, so it’s not really bigger, but that sounds nicer.
So, can you guess which team will win this week? And who’s going to get fired? I knew you could.
You Say Rickshaw, I Say Pedicab
This week, Kwame takes the call. The teams are instructed to meet The Donald at the rickshaw stand across from the plaza.
One of my coworkers commented that this show is like rushing a fraternity. The phone rings, plebes are told to show up at some random location, and then they’re ordered to complete some stupid task to impress some pompous jackasses.
At the rickshaw stand, The Donald joins The Obvious Club by pointing out New York City’s transportation woes. The task – to manage a fleet of pedicabs for a day. After flashing them the peace sign (don’t ask me why), he leaves the teams to fumble through the task.
Drive Me To Drink
Protégé brainstorms. Troy is elected Project Manager because, as Heidi says, “it’s his turn”. After all, Kwame was PM last time, and Heidi the week before. Then again, this is Troy’s third time as PM, Kwame’s done it twice, and Heidi once. Will this matter?
Does the editing staff need to hit you over the head with a bigger mallet? I didn’t think so.
Anyhoo, back to the brainstorming. Here are the highlights of the session:
The wattage in that session couldn’t light a firefly’s butt. What big idea did this team of (ahem) whiz kids come up with this time? Troy suggested selling rides in advance, via prepaid cards.
Um, wasn’t advance sales his new idea two tasks ago, when they were selling water? And let’s not forget the new idea he threw out to Omaloser’s buddy Isaac Mizrahi, when he suggested auctioning off an advance viewing of Mizrahi’s collection. Yeah, Troy’s full of new ideas…or at least one idea. Well, I’m sure we’ll see what else Troy is full of before this is all over.
Drive Me Crazy
Versacorp also takes a scientific approach to picking a PM, and Bill beats Amy in the coin flip. Mark this down, peeps – Amy has finally lost something on this show.
Actually, some might argue that she lost a lot of dignity and pride by hooking up with Nick, but I’m sure we’ll have ample opportunity to crack on that coupling once the task is through.
So, what comes out of the Versacorp brainstorming session? Bill suggests dressing up like Disney characters. Yeah, people come to NYC to be driven around by Goofy. Insert cabbie joke here. Then the guys decide that Katrina and Amy should put their (ahem) assets to work driving rickshaws. Hmmm, sex sells. You come up with that idea all by yourself, Billy Boy? I don’t think so. You’re battling Troy for the Mr. Recycle title at this point. Then Amy suggests that they sell advertising on the rickshaws. The team quickly realizes that’s no Mickey Mouse idea (but hey, Bill, thanks for setting up the joke). Bill declares, “If this works, it will be a bloodbath.” And if it doesn’t work, it will be a bloodbath for you, Billy.
Work It, Work It
Troy and Kwame are playing on the computer. Between visits to porn sites and checking their eBay auctions, they design a punch card. Meanwhile, Heidi is – what else? – talking to her Mom on the phone. Kwame respects how she’s handling the situation, and he can sympathize since his mother died of cancer when he was a teenager.
Editing team, big mallet.
Versacorp is busy trying to see ads. Amy is on the phone with Marquis Jet (Hi, remember me? I helped turn your jets into phallic symbols.), as the group tries to exploit their prior contacts. Meanwhile, Katrina is giving Bill the piece of her mind that she had left after chewing out Troy a few episodes ago.
Katrina: You wouldn’t listen.
Bill: Are you talking?
K: You shot down my ideas.
B: Well, your girlfriend Ereka did it to me, so there.
K: You just want to use my looks.
B: That’s all you’re good for.
Actually, his words were, “You use your looks”, but this is probably what he was really thinking.
K: Well, Heidi told me all sorts of cool stuff about their plans, but I’m not telling you since you didn’t listen to me. I’m going to sit in the corner and whine and pout while you do all the work.
Obviously, she hasn’t learned that the “Omarosa play” is a losing one. How could she forget the last Boardroom so quickly?
K: I’m taking my toys and heading to the sidelines.
A strategy I’m sure The Donald will find impressive. NOT.
B: Katrina doesn’t like my leadership style? Fine, get out of the way.
And that brings us to this week’s “Uncle Donald’s Lesson Time”: Think Outside The Box. “It’s a cliché, but if you’re going to be successful, that’s what you’ve got to do.