The official title of this episode is “Tit for Tat”. Sigh. Janet Jackson’s everywhere these days. Can’t we all just move along?
Boardroom…The Aftermath of the Blood Bath
Kwame and Troy are giving the folks back at the suite the lowdown on all of the sniping that took place in the Boardroom. Guess who they don’t want to see come walking through that door? I knew you could. Heidi comes in first and is greeted with squeals and hugs, and then…Omarosa’s entrance sucks the life out of the room faster than Sam ever could. Omarosa’s amused.
Heidi wants a smoke, so Protégé heads out to the terrace to discuss the next PM. Omarosa quickly volunteers. Later, she cackles to the camera, “If I pull off a victory, I will seal my fate in this game.”
Lose, Protégé. Lose.
On Thin Ice
The next day, the teams are summoned to Wollman Rink. The Donald, shrinking violet that he is, explains how it used to be an eyesore. The city tried to build a rink in Central Park, but of course they screwed it up. Luckily for the people of New York (and, sniff, the world), The Donald put on his white hat, rode in, and saved the day ahead of schedule and under budget. Poor guy, having to toot his own horn. He explains that it’s important to give back to the community, especially after you bleed it dry for all the tacky furnishings and poor hairpieces that you can find. I’m surprised he didn’t lecture them how only you can prevent forest fires. But no, he proceeded to explain the task – put on a celebrity auction to raise money for the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation.
Silly Versacorp – yet again, they waited until they found out what the task was before choosing a project manager. They claim it’s because they wanted to find out what it was so that they could pick a PM whose skills would be better utilized, but we all know that was just a ploy to delay Tammy’s whining. Bill is the man in charge for Versacorp, and we’re now introduced to the thoroughbreds in their fleet of horses for this race:
- Regis Philbin, who just never is on TV enough these days. - Rocco DiSpirito, another celebrity reality show media whore. - Carson Daly, who gets some primetime on a network that isn’t in trouble with the FCC. - Tiki Barber, graduate of the most wonderful university in the world and fumbler, I mean, running back for the biggest group of losers on the planet. - Executive producer of “Third Watch”, yet another show on NBC Friday night that nobody watches.
Let’s head across the room now, and let Protégé introduce us to their stable of celebrities: - Russell Simmons, hip-hop mogul. - Kate White, Editor in Chief of Cosmo, who basically coasts by just changing the titles to the same articles on astrology and orgasms and runs the same stuff every month. - Nicole Miller – fashion designer - The Fab 5 from “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy”. First Rocco from “The Restaurant”, now the “Queer Eye” guys. Cross-promote much, NBC? - Isaac “how do you pronounce that” Mizrahi. That’s Omarosa’s pet name for him.
Study the lists carefully, boys and girls. Picked a winning team yet? Thought so.
Bill tells his team that they need to schedule meetings with these folks as soon as possible. Tiki’s really accommodating, since he’s not bogged down with post-season celebrations, Pro Bowl appearances, ESPY awards, etc. Amy has a blast talking to “Reege” on the phone, and Ereka’s psyched about meeting him. As the team divides to conquer, someone asks where Tammy is. Even when she’s standing right in front of them, they all wonder about the answer to that question. Amy, Ereka, and Tammy are heading out to see Carson Daly. Katrina, Nick, and Bill are heading to meet with Tiki.
Omarosa explains that Protégé has two meetings today scheduled with Russell Simmons and Isaac “Mizari”. She laughs as she butchers his name but promises to have it right before she meets him. Yeah, wanna bet?
Omarosa’s in the cab with Heidi when she gets a call from Jessie. Jessie and Kwame want the telephone number for the contact at the charity. Silly Jessie thinks it would actually be useful to have information on the charity that they’re representing in this auction. Hmmm, wanting to sound intelligent during a presentation? Omarosa tells Jessie she wants to speak to Kwame. She babbles to Kwame that she plans on calling the person later, but that since they’re at their destination, they’ll just have to wait until they all get back together. Before he can protest, she’s hung up on them, and is quite proud that she bagged them since they wouldn’t listen to her. I’d make a pot and kettle reference right here, but we all know what happened the last time someone did that around Omarosa.
Oh goody, after the commercial break, it’s time for Uncle Donald’s Lesson Time! Yippee! Listen closely, because they might be words of wisdom. “Know What You’re Up Against.” The lesson for today, boys and girls, is to figure out your opponent so you don’t look like an idiot. Obviously, The Donald has never competed against a hairdresser.
Meet and…Greet? Or Just Piss Off?
Protégé’s first appointment is with Russell Simmons. Kwame is the pilot, and Omarosa’s the copilot. Could someone hand me a parachute, please? Kwame starts his pitch, but he’s obviously not impressing Mr. Simmons, who asks if he’s an attorney. Finally, after watching his teammates flail wildly through one rejected idea after another, Cowboy Troy closes the deal with his accent.
Next we see the Versacorp women meeting with Carson Daly. Amy and Ereka are making progress, since Carson does seem receptive to the idea of backstage access at a major concert he’s hosting. Somehow, this reception did not reach to Tammy’s planet, since she suddenly brings up the idea of Carson and Tiger Woods in a golfing foresome. Amy and Ereka roll their eyes as Tammy continues to blow off their celebrity by trying to exploit his contacts to “real” celebrities. The women with a clue do bring the conversation back around to the details of the concert, but Tammy just doesn’t want to let go of the golf idea. She shows her obvious illiteracy when it comes to reading people, since she’s missing the eye rolls by Carson, her teammates, the camera crew, and everyone else in the Tri-State area. Amy comments later that Tammy is a loose cannon, and if Amy had her way, Tammy would never be at another meeting.
Queer Eye for the Cowguy
It’s time for Protégé to meet the Fab 5. Troy wanted to have a strategy when they went in there. Since these guys are known for critiquing straight men’s fashion sense, and Troy is straight (are you sure, Troy? Because you’re from Idaho, and only two things come from Idaho, steers and queers. And I don’t see no horns.), he decides to take his belt off before the meeting. It works. They bit and immediately started in on how naked a man is without his belt. After watching two meetings get off to an awkward start, it’s fun to watch everyone give snaps for a good cause and easily negotiate their way to a disco bowling party. Heidi is proud of how she closed the deal and says she works well with Troy.
Back to Versacorp, where they’ve split up the team between Tiki, the “Third Watch”, and Rocco. Which meeting do we get to see? The one with Tammy, of course. This time, she’s pitching a trip to a chateau in the Loire Valley. Um, Rocco doesn’t have a chateau. Or a plane. You know what he does have? A restaurant. Amy and Ereka have the wild idea that Rocco donate a dinner for 50. Tammy still wants to fly somewhere. Amy and Ereka are willing to put her in a cargo hold right now.