Announcer: Previously on Celebrity Mole: Hawaii (everyone collectively holds breath) the waterfall game, sheep game (with another shot of Erik getting butted by a sheep and Corbin falling on the ground), Kim executed, plane game, whiny I won't jump off a cliff b/c my wife won't let me game, dinner--Corbin whining, Stephen gone, old man in black dress socks with a wife beater and khaki shorts on looking for loose change in the sand w/a metal detector game, Piss off PETA and hot pepper game, Corbin gone, hula and surf game, find the restaurant game, Michael Boatman gone, Colombia Guerrilla game, Porn Head Mistress Scavenger Hunt, and Final Quiz
(Everyone Exhales!) Thought they were going to pull a Joe Millionare on us.
Out steps, Ahmad Rashad.
AR: "Welcome to Celebrity Mole:Hawaii. The results of the final computerized quiz have been tabulated and later we will reveal the winner and who is the mole."
Everyone shudders for fear of the sentence, "Later we will reveal…."
We are then introduced to the little closets that the producers have built and kept the last three contestants in since the filming ended 6 months ago.
AR: "The final players are: Erik von Detten", camera goes to Erik curled up in a ball sucking his thumb in the closet; "Frederique van der Wal," who is flipping her hair and saying 'I am a mah-dul, and I am…'; camera then pans to…"and Kathy Griffin" where she is stiff and mumbling to herself while rocking back and forth because she has been spending the last 6 months telling witty jokes and having no one to laugh at them.
AR: "The players left have all had their suspicious moments and we are going to go over them now:"
Clips of Erik being molish ensue: --people talking about how they think Erik is the mole --peeking in the coffin --they then show a bunch of pictures of him smiling and swooning because really they don't have much more on him.
Then clips of Frederique being molish : --confessionals about players thinking Frederique is the Mole --Frederique hanging in the waterfall and yelling "I'm a mah-dul, Don't push me aghanst the rohks" --in the submarine, her not saying "American Beauty"-(yep, that is the clincher) --not eating a pepper-(wait, let me change my vote, this one is the clincher for me, she is now the mole)
Then clips of Kathy: --Kathy doing her rendition of "Sheep: The Ballet," and pirouetting around --not surfing-(that is sooo molish behavior--a non athletic person not being able to do something athletic) --then throwing the 3 Questions game by answering Frederique for all the questions --oh, and there were some confessionals for her too
AR: "It has now been 6 months, and lets welcome our other 4 players."
Kim, Stephen, Corbin, and Michael all enter and seem to be in mourning over their careers b/c they are all wearing black for the show. For a second I thought that TLC had made a new show "A Funeral Story" b/c AR was dressed in a red shirt and black suit as well.
AR then proceeds with the question segment of the show.
AR: "Did you think this was as hard as you thought it was going to be?" CB(Corbin): "Yes" MB(Michael): "Yes" SB(Stephen): "The whole thing's whack"-(this was not a quote put in by me, this is what he actually said) KC(Kim): "Oh, you are going to talk to me? I thought I was going to be the Pastor John, Peter, Diane, Debb of this show….uhhh…..abut it being hard…." AR interrupts.
AR: (to the group) "You are waiting for me to say that there is another twist to the game?" Players: "yeah"
****Caution, what is about to happen is AR's attempt at a witty comeback. There are many of these sprinkled throughout the show. If you are pregnant, have a heart condition, are not at least this tall to ride, or are a robot, please do not look at the next statement by AR. This is just a warning.*******
AR: "Well, I'm not going to say that." (he smiles)
And there it was. An AC attempt.
AR: "Now that you have seen the shows, who do you all think is the Mole?" SB: "Erik is the mole, Fred is the winner" CB: "Kathy is the Mole, Erik wins" MB: "Fred is the Mole, Kathy is the winner" KC: "I think that Fred is….." she is interrupted by CB: "I think I should have been the mole and Stephen the winner"
**Caution witty attempt**
AR: "I think that is the way that it should have been too." (he smiles)
AR invites us back after the commercial.
Commercial of an "over 40" couple doing a "Blind Date" show on 'Primetime Thursday.' I can see it now, thought bubble saying, "7p.m.!!! Matlocks is on TBS in 5minutes!"