Reality TV World People News   Ratings News   Scheduling News   Application News   Spoiler News
Show Updates   Features & Interviews   Image Gallery   Message Boards   Shows Listing
The Amazing Race  American Idol  America's Got Talent  America's Next Top Model  The Apprentice  Bachelor Pad  The Bachelor  The Bachelorette  Big Brother  The Biggest Loser  Dancing with the Stars  Duck Dynasty  Hell's Kitchen  Jersey Shore  Keeping Up with the Kardashians  MasterChef  Project Runway  The Real Housewives  Shark Tank  So You Think You Can Dance  Survivor  Teen Mom  The Voice  Whodunnit?  The X Factor       More Shows 
 REALITY TV NEWS
 Application News  Episode Summaries
 People News
 Ratings News
 Scheduling News
 Show Updates
 Spoiler News
 MESSAGE BOARDS
 The Amazing Race
 American Idol
 America's.. Top Model
 The Apprentice
 The Bachelor
 Beauty and the Geek
 Big Brother
 The Biggest Loser
 The Contender
 Dancing with... Stars
 Hell's Kitchen
 The Hills
 I Love New York
 Last Comic Standing
 Nashville Star
 Project Runway
 The Real World
 So You Think.. Dance
 Survivor
 Top Chef
 Wife Swap
 More Shows
 OTHER FUN
 Live Chat
 Fantasy Games
 SITE INFORMATION
 About RTVW
 Contact RTVW
 Advertise on RTVW
 Privacy Policy


HOME > EPISODE SUMMARIES

Celebrity Mole Hawaii - Episode 2 Summary

'Quivering Gay Charade' By cyclehausen
Original Airdate: January 15, 2003

(n.b. pun only works with the AMERICAN pronunciation of 'charade' .... filthy teabags, say 40 Hail Andersons and a Dour Bother.)

Some confessionals....

Eric vonEisner shows us what happens when your high-budget, low-plot comedrama is axed by the sharp iron grip of common sense. He drools into the camera, loping about and whispering something about a precious. He does a good job of acting creepy. Good job of acting...hmm, scratch that.

Now Bottom-Rung Badwin steps up and tells us what a freaky game it's been. Gotcha, buddy. Freaky like a nepotism-driven career. If you look closely, on your TiVo frame-by-frame, you can see the reflection of the cameramanís eye rolling at his poppycockery.

ADVERTISEMENT
And the rest of them chat, too..Ginger Anne, Bonnie Raitt, and Old Wash-Up all have something to say. Equal time for equal grime. No confessional by the Mole, though. Do you know what it costs to camera-powder a titantic chrome dome like that?

Enter our host, Mr. Might-As-Well-Be-A-Teleprompter-For-All-The-Excitement-I-Bring. He says some crap about splitting up into three teams: the Witches, the Bitches, and the Peed-In-Their-Britches.

One of them goes first; I don't remember who. I taped over this part because the episod of Punky Brewster with the "don't play hide and seek in a refrigerator" lesson was on and I didn't want to miss that!!!!

Oh, yeah, each team (duo? doesn't team imply some sort of readiness and competency?) will have to complete different tasks somehow related to their team name...like if their team were called "Buccaneers", they would "win that damn Superbowl by a 21 spread."

Now, Boredom Incarnate shares with the haplessly led-in audience that the "game" has a "twist." Every team will predict whether the other team will complete their stunts (not finish stunting their careers -- that's a given.) Every successful prediction earns money for the pot (and yes, they all toke. Bling Bling!)

So, the Human Torch and Man-I'm-Not-Too-Attractive-Without-Seven-Hours-Of-Makeup go to do some walking on "hot lava." Now, this show takes place in some African country called Hawaii. Never having known apartheid personally, I looked up "hot lava" in the dictionary and this is what I found:

hot lava (hot la'va), intj. - The process by which the public is deceived into perceiving danger which does not exist. see also roasted chicken.

Hmmm. Interesting. Unfortunately, I missed the "stunt" because my dictionary was inside my TV, and I had to unplug it before I could take it apart. I can only deduce that the stunt was delicious and nutritious.

Next, the Mole and Wil Wheaton have to jump off a cliff into a big lagoon. William Golding, eat your heart out! Unfortunately, Piggy does not splatter on the rocks, and now Ex-Mousketeer has jumped, and the Mole has not. There is some very suspicious behavior at this point by me as I continue to watch the show.

Next (or previously, it's all a blur..) Seven-O-Clock-Shadow and Out-To-Pasture have to get into a plane piloted by Lucille Ball and towerate cwaazy stunts while CLEANING A PANEL!! I'm talking a panel with DIRT ON IT!!! Boy, their agents must have signed some liberal waivers! Here's how it went:

My-Brothers-Are-More-Successful-Than-Me: "Woo Hoo!" "Woo!" <wipe, wipe>

Continuously Refreshing Status Update: "MISSION SUCCESSFUL!"

Audience: "zzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

I-Know-My-Buzzcut-Will-Get-Me-A-Fortysomething-Part: "I woulda done it too, if only it weren't so darn windy."

Audience: "Hooray!"

So, with the gang all together again, They are forced to sing Aud Lang Syne once for every dollar they have added to the pot. They sing it four hundred and seventy nine thousand times. That feisty Little Orphan Annie leads the pack in the key of E-flat-minor-hoarse.












Take Our User Survey



About Reality TV World   •   Advertise on Reality TV World  •   Contact Reality TV World  •   Privacy Policy   •   RSS Feed