Previous surveillance tapes showed that Michael and DinoPuppy had a lovely bunch of coconuts. ChattyKathy warned them not to be sexually inappropriate with themselves, and she refused to surf after she got a boo-boo. FreddyPottyMouth forgot to wear a sports bra again.
Note to self: They’ve played this game for how many days, and she still “forgets” her sports bra?
And although Cyclehausen, Jims, and NaughtyKittySara tried to convince us they knew who the Mole was, Michael rowed the boat ashore (al-le-LO-SER).
On to the current surveillance tape. Intro...brak brak brak. The most memorable incident during the credits was Mr. Bebo breaking wind. Now on to the obligatory confessionals.
ChattyKathy: Mole, you got me! DinoPuppy: Michael Freakin’ Boatman!
Note to self: What a strange middle name.
FreddyPottyMouth: If DinoPuppy’s the Mole, he can’t handle the pressure and needs a dip.
Note to self: Tape is fuzzy here. Did she mean a flea dip? Or did she say snip, as in DinoPuppy needs to be fixed? I sense FreddyPottyMouth doesn’t want to take DinoPuppy home to be her pet.
DP: If ChattyKathy’s the Mole, she’s really been screwing with my head.
Note to self: If I had a 20-year-old DinoPuppy to play with, would I just screw with his head? Better not go there.
My surveillance tape seems to have been replaced by a tape for The Amazing Race, as we’re now in a van. Flo and Zach have decided to break up. No, it’s ChattyKathy and DinoPuppy ending the alliance.
CK: It had to end. After all, the show’s almost over, and I don’t really have a place suitable for a pet. And besides, he’s not housebroken.
Since they’re no longer a couple, they now resort to those boring conversations that we all go though when we know the relationship is dead but we don’t want to complete the dump until we get all of our CD’s back.
DP: Why do you wear your watch on your right hand? CK: Because I’m right handed?
DinoPuppy scribbles on the paper. The cameraman pats him on the head and gives him a treat.
FPM: I’m going to write that down.
FreddyPottyMouth scribbles “that” on a piece of paper. The cameraman pats her on the head and gives her a treat.
CK: I’ll write it down too.
Note to self: No one pats ChattyKathy on the head or gives her a treat. The pretty people get all the breaks.
All of the Molerons write. Oh, the suspense.
Surveillance tape now shows a forest. The man in the ugly shirt resembles Anderson Cooper, except that he’s not white, handsome, charming, witty, or talented.
NotAndersonCooper: Welcome to the Cloud Forest.
FreddyPottyMouth looks confused, since she sees trees, not clouds. DinoPuppy runs over to a tree, hikes his leg, and marks the tree. A cameraman pats him on the head and gives him a treat.
NAC: Are you ready for the next game?
DinoPuppy tries to fetch sticks, but NotAnderson calls him back and orders him to stay.
NAC: There are three of you left.
Note to self: He can count to 3, he’s smarter than I thought! Wait, he might be reading from a cue card. He can read, he’s smarter than I thought!
NotAndersonCooper explains that it’s time to play Three Questions. All the Molerons write. Oh, the suspense.
NAC: Who wants to hide first?
No one moves. They’ve all heard stories about what ex-football players can do to innocent bystanders in remote areas. Finally, ChattyKathy tells FreddyPottyMouth to go, and DinoPuppy echoes her. FreddyPottyMouth lives down to her name since she doesn’t like taking orders from the pup.
CK: We three are not a good combo. We’re not going to crochet a blanket together.
All of the Molerons are not crocheting. Oh, the suspense.
At the endpoint, NotAnderson tells FreddyPottyMouth to put on a camouflage outfit and wait for him to come back with some friends. Oh, so that’s how you like it, big boy?
NAC: Question #1, which of you would speak at her funeral? CK: Ooh, we get to kill her? NAC: No, it’s a rhetorical question.
After the cameraman explains to everyone what rhetorical means, ChattyKathy picks herself, since DinoPuppy is mute.
NAC: Question #2, who is more likely to fart? CK: Mr. Bebo. Look what happened during the intro. Mr. Bebo: Oh, come on, it wasn’t that bad. CK: Then DinoPuppy, since it’s a guy thing. DP: But you talk about them, you talk about everything.
The Queen of England magically appears and dubs ChattyKathy the Discussor of Farts.
NAC: Question #3, who is the bigger flirt? DP(batting his eyes at NotAnderson): Gee, I don’t know... CK: You are such a slut. Just own it.
Little bunny NotCoop Hoppin’ through the forest Yellin’ out for Freddy And...
Coming up on Celebrity Mole Hawaii... - ChattyKathy gets caught. -“Black light! Black light!” - FreddyPottyMouth swears again. - “This is like a sorority porn move, and I’m the headmistress!” - And the final quiz.