Haven’t these All-Stars proven how great they are at this race? OK, maybe not Jon Vito and Jill who didn’t know their North from their South…Or Kevin and Drew who didn’t know how to count over 40…Mary wasn’t that good either since she couldn’t read a sign and couldn’t race without someone holding her hand...Even Rob and Amber couldn’t spell and had to be sent to their room for picking on little Charla. But besides that, it has been something…hasn’t it? Really…It must have; they are All-Stars!
After being delayed by football, golf, basketball, darts and everything else, this week’s episode started early with Rob and Amber inside their own luxury suite in the RTV Hall of Fame (yes, I know that it’s called Elimination Station on the web site but around Rob, well…you understand). Phil has been taking care of room service between Pit Stops. Just before this leg started, Phil brought dinner to the world’s “favorite” Daws. As he wheeled in the cart, Phil told them: “As the first team to receive your meal tonight, I’m pleased to tell you that you have won a 40’ yacht that you can enjoy after the race!”
Rob smiled a little and told us: “I don’t care what the other teams win in this race because it’s only about Amber and me. We win something new every day, the other teams don’t know how little is left for them.” -“That’s right” said Amber, “It doesn’t matter if the other teams like it or not. We get the big prizes because we rock.” -“We could C-A-R-E L-E-S-S about the other teams. Phil, I see that it’s time for the annoying ones to leave the pit stop. Even if we could beat them every day of the week, this could be amusing. Could you tell us what happens while we eat?”
-“Sure, but after this, I’ll have to leave to make it to the next Pit Stop” replied a smiling Phil. He hoped that his idea of adding a few minutes of Romber’s daily peripeties to the broadcast would boost ratings. The Dawnamic Duo rearranged their cushions on the sofa to face their new 50” plasma TV (that they won last night for outracing the Festers up the stairs) as Phil brought their platters. “In case you forgot,” Phil started, “last week on the Amazing race, Shorty and Mourna screamed for joy at their victory and Uchenna and Joyce got lost on the streets of Maputo and arrived last but were spared elimination. *
At the memory of that, Rob cursed loudly but, with the 5 seconds delay, CBS was able to cut the picture and we went to the introductions and commercials. Returning from the break, Rob had been appeased by a nice bottle of wine. With Amber, he listened to Phil giving the order of departure: “Shorty and Mourna, who were the first to arrive at 9:07AM, (*my ears*) will depart at 9:07PM.”
Mourna read: “Fly to the city of Dar es Salaam.”
“Teams must now travel nearly 1400 miles to Dar Es Salaam, the largest city in the African nation of Tanzania,” said Phil. “When they land, teams will travel 10 miles by taxi to this ferry terminal. Once there, they must pull a number to one of these 4 traditional sailing craft, called dhows, then sail to the island of Zanzibar, where they’ll receive their next clue.”
Mourna told us: “We have no business being in first place. To prove we don’t belong here and that the only way we can make it back, we are going to start taking risks. If we don’t take crazy risks, how are we going to win this race?” Shorty nodded her approval but kept her mouth shut. Thank you
Next to depart were the Beauty Queens at 9:47. “I liked it when Blondy gave the other Blondy a slap on the butt” said Rob. “Had I known they liked it, we’d have raced with them more often.” That got him an elbow in the ribs from Amber.
-“You can’t even tell them apart” said Amber. “How do you do it, Phil?”
-“I guess,” replied the host. “It works often enough and the rest of the time I blame the sun for being in my eyes. Dusty Blonde, I think, was the one who spoke first.” - “We haven’t been first in this race yet” she said. “We hope this is the leg for that.” -“It’s a little hard to compete against ‘Too Hot to Handle’ however” joked Kandy Blonde, refering to the T-shirts the cousins were wearing.
Team Depends were third out of the pit-stop at 10:13. Ian said that: “If I’m gruff, I’m gruff. It’s because of all the paper cuts. I believe in character and honor.”
The Cha-Chas were next to leave at 10:18 after hand-modeling the clue. Oswald commented that: “The stress of the race is getting to people. If you let it get to you, you lose a part of yourself. We like to have fun and André, our driver, is going to be fun.” These guys sure know how to have fun but will they be on time at the airport?
The Guidos left at 10:32 with Bill telling us: “There was a major mood shift. We know now that we cannot trust anyone to give us the million.”
6th to depart at 10:33, DoubleD said: “Error and I are both forming opinions about each other. Error is very stubborn sometimes but I don’t just lay back and let him take charge.” Error was happy to be going to Tanzania where the Tanzanian devil lived. DoubleD told him he had taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque because it was the Tasmanian devil. It is surprising that these two knuckleheads are even on the right continent.
Last to depart at 10:36PM, were Uchenna and Joyce. Rob grimaced and raised a fist, turning his thumb downwards. Phil reassured Rob: “We’ve made arrangements: They are marked for elimination.” Rob liked the sound of that.
Phil said goodbye to the Fearsome Twosome with Rob telling him: “Find something nice for us to win tomorrow!”
With Phil in transit, I was asked to relate the events that occurred in this episode. Having accepted this perilous mission, I promise do my best and will remember that the only thing to fear is…(no, not fear itself, that would be dumb) The only thing to fear is boredom. I will stay awake by drinking a full pot of coffee, I’ll make sure my VCR and my computer are working fine and I’ll try real hard not to bore you. If I already have, well, you probably didn’t read the promise anyway.
We joined the race as the teams were off to the Maputo international airport. Mourna and Shorty were first to arrive even if they had warned their driver not to go so fast that he’d run over pedestrians in their haste to arrive at the airport. They harrassed the lady behind the counter with Shorty getting in her face and trying to teach her how to dial a phone. “It’s impossible” said the woman, wondering why they couldn’t understand she wasn’t about to work overtime for free. I think she was just waiting for her date to pick her up. The next day at 8:00AM was the first flight out on LAM airlines. Finally, the teams realized that the woman wasn’t going to help them.
Most turned back for the hotel but Ian, with his paper diapers, was ready to rough it out at the airport. As he told his wife: “The traffic will be horrendous. I don’t want to be last in line tomorrow morning. Do you want to race or do you want to be a little inconvenienced.” The Guidos agreed to camp out at the airport.
Teri, however, wasn’t happy: “I’m frustrated. Ian is a strong personality, he’s opinionated, he’s black & white with very little in the middle.” There was no way to get Ian back to the hotel. The last he said on the subject was: “Lets start to race smart: Stop, look and listen.” Was that little scene trying to tell us something? I have an idea what it could be.
The next morning, Teri was still in a bad mood and would’ve been as happy to board a plane for Miami than one for Dar es Salaam. Shorty almost sent her back to the States right there and then! All the teams learned that no one was going to get on the plane to Dar es Salaam. Mourna complained so much that she got on the agent’s nerves. She sent her and her teammate on the 7:00AM flight to Johannesburg where they would have to be on standby for the connecting flight to Dar es Salaam. The Guidos, Ian and the Blondies spoke for everyone as they watched the cousins leaving for the gate, saying they were taking a big risk…which resonated with what Mourna said they would do. That made those two look like * gasp * good racers.
Soon afterwards, the remaining racers were told that no one was getting on the LAM flight which was full. Surprise! the only way to get to Dar es Salaam was to go with South African Airlines which opened at 9:45AM. They had to go through Jo’burg! Who could have possibly guessed that Mourna and Shorty’s risk was the smart thing to do?? “They are geniuses” conceded Ian.
Already in Johannesburg, Mourna found a friend named Christo (apparently that rare bird does exist). With the help of Christo, a prayer, some of the spiritual teachings of Aras and the usual employee harassment, the two girls found tickets on the next plane to Tanzania.
It was 9:00AM in Maputo and everyone was sitting on the floor, moping. Eric noticed that a SA Airline office door had opened upstairs. Uchenna and Joyce, The Blondies and the Cha-Chas followed team Mix n’ Match to the upstairs office. The Guidos and Team Depends stayed where they were. Ian assured that: “They’re just doing something to be doing something…Standing in line is the thing to do.” That is a good motto to have on a race!
The ticket agent was helpful, getting the 4 teams tickets to Jo’burg and then telling them there was a Air Tanzania flight leaving Johannesburg at 13:15 and arriving in Dar es Salaam at 18:30. Unfortunately that flight was full but the teams could get on standby. The Guidos and Team Depends got the same flight to Jo’burg but were put on the waiting list later.
Shorty and Mourna were all smiles as they left Johannesburg on a 9:55AM flight. They were still in the air when the 6 trailing teams landed in Jo’burg at 12:53PM. Those teams rushed the LAM ticket counter in the South African city. The agent had a list of 8 names: 4 teams would be granted tickets! The lucky teams were the ones that had gone to the offices of SA Airlines: The Cha-Chas, Uchenna and Joyce, the Beauty Queens and team Mix n’ Match. The Guidos and Team Depends, the old foggies, were left to wonder what they had done to CBS. “Son of a b*tch” reacted Joe. The hated traditional airport bunching point became a sorting point. Somehow, I know some will hate that also.
Walking to the gate, Error said: “I can’t believe that it actually happened. I’m still waiting for someone to run up to us and tell us to stop.” “Relax” said DoubleD. Back at the counter, a mistake was indeed discovered. Error and DoubleD had already settled in their seats, enjoying their good fortune when they were forced out of the plane just before the first commercial break. Error offered $50 cash for 2 seats; somehow it didn’t work!
The explanation that their seats belonged to somebody else seemed a little fishy. I wanted to get to the bottom of this; I used the break to make some phone calls, hoping to find out what really caused the extreme measure. From unreliable sources, I can tell you, exclusively on RTVW news, that Error and DoubleD were escorted off the plane for one of four possible reasons:
1) Security thought DoubleD was packing some deadly weapons and needed to frisk her. 2) Error didn’t meet the minimum IQ requirements for the ride 3) DoubleD tried to use fake ID to get into the Bar of Salam and the Zanzy Bar. 4) When Error said “I love big Boobs,” security heard “I love big booms.”
During those calls, one of our contacts, we’ll call him George, didn’t have an answer but had a crucial question instead: “With all the travels that the racers do, wouldn’t you expect one of the teams to be on a hijacked plane? If it happens, do you think Phil would get on board and tell the team that they are marked for elimination?” It probably would be a little too cruel, George, but CBS would find a way to get Uchenna and Joyce on board of that plane to make it more exciting.
As the commercial break finally ended, the door of the plane closed on another team. This time it was Danielle and Eric…OH! wait, déjà vu! So, Error got into a discussion with the airline official. The man was really helpful, telling Error there was nothing he could do before the next day. Being an All-Star, DoubleD realized it was time to start acting like one, so she started an imitation of Flo. The impersonation needed a lot of work but give DoubleD a chance to work on it. “We were sitting on the plane, this is ridiculous. This is a nightmare.” So was her face now that the make-up was wearing off. She needs beauty tips from Oswald before Error leaves her for someone else…anyone else.
The airline agent came back to tell Error that they would be on priority standby for a flight at 9:55 the next morning, arriving in Dar es Salaam at 12:55PM. The agent let the couple free to go back to the terminal. I was hoping that the SA police would be called in and that Error would be subjected to an interrogation by a South African version of Jack Bauer but it wasn’t to be. Apparently, traveling around the world with this bunch of Bozos was judged sufficient punishment. The other two trailing teams were also put on standby for the 9:55 SAA flight. Teri was positively thrilled to be spending another night in an airport.
While these 3 teams were still in Jo’burg, we joined Mourna and Shorty as they arrived in Tanzania at 2:52PM. They were hurrying along with the usual: “Run Shorty, run” on their way to find a taxi that would bring them to the dhows. CBS has friends in high places because the girls were told that “No Dhows for you, beeg storm coming.” They picked up one of the two #1 cards and were told to come back the next morning at 5:30.
Team Mix n’ Match had walked back to the terminal’s waiting area. DoubleD didn’t want to see the other teams but Error figured he had to know if they were still there. He soon spotted Bill who was playing a game of hide n’seek. Not in a party mood, DoubleD said he was a psycho. They then ran into Teri and Ian, leading Error to comment: “From top 4, we are now bottom 3” forgetting all about Mourna and Shorty. Ian said that all 3 teams were “in the same sinking ship.”
In the meantime, in a country far away, our peloton of 3 teams had landed at 6:50PM in Dar es Salaam. Dusty Blonde and Kandy Blonde were again first out of the airport. Anyone ever wonder if what Lyn said, about their smiles and their boobs hanging out, could explain their success with the custom officials? The ex-raccoons, also well versed in foreign “relations”, were right behind them while Uchenna and Joyce were bringing up the rear. At the ferry area, we saw a mad dash between the girls and the guys with Oswald spotting the tickets first. They will have the pleasure of escorting Mourna and Shorty out to sea. Uchenna and Joyce will be on the second Dhow with the Blondes. They’ll be 3 hours behind the first one out, but at least 3 hours in front of the next. Uchy can stop worrying about the 30 minute penalty and start enjoying the land of his ancestors. Both teams went off for the night.
Danny found a nice bench on the docks and he decided to wait to see if some sailors would be coming in late, distressed by the big storm and needing some relaxation. Feeling neglected, Oswald joined him and asked: “Hello sir, are you looking for some company…I come cheap.” Danny liked that and greeted him with open arms. Mourna and Shorty soon intruded on the gay couple. “This is our corner” said Oswald, “we work this bench.” The girls wanted to share the bench to rest, completely missing the joke. The lucky Daws got on the first Dhow.
Back in Jo’Burg, Error and DoubleD got to the ticket counter early and Error put up some ropes to set up a waiting line. Teri and Ian weren’t in the mood to follow the line but they finally relented despite the empty terminal. “Lets get in line behind them” said Ian. Error was swaying to music only he could hear.
At 8:30AM, Uchy and Joyce left the docks accompanied on the dhow by Dusty Blond and Kandy Blonde. Uchy was going to be our history professor: “Think about it this way; for a lot of people the last time they saw home was on this ride. When the slave trade was at its peak, Zanzibar was one of the gateways to Europe. 500 hundred years ago, they took the slaves down this very path, ladies, Now it’s your turn,” he told the Blondes.
As the 9:55 AM flight started to board, our teams on standby rushed the ticket agent again. The man only had 2 tickets available and he called out the lucky winners: “Eric and Danielle, I can check you in.” The camera showed their happy face and then the discontent on Team Depends and the Guidos’ face. “I can’t believe this is happening again” commented Teri. “Is that a definite no more seats.” There was no magic wand to wave. The old foggies were still stuck in Johannesburg.
All these delays and random draws for tickets started to sound fishy also. This commercial break was the time to wonder what really happened: Could there be some gambling done on this race, some sort of on-line casino taking bets? Could they be trying to fix the results like we’ve seen in the Bundesliga and the Calcio? Was that ticket agent’s name Jims? So many question, so little time to investigate.
Having been sufficiently delayed, our two teams of old-timers were finally told that there were more than one airline in the Johannesburg airport and Air Malawi had a flight at noon. Well, what do you know! Both teams found tickets right away and they will only be 24 hours late arriving in Tanzania. On vacation, it is aggravating, on a race it is curtains for one of the two teams and they know it. Finally getting to walk to the gate, Bill commented: “I’ve never been so happy to leave a country in my life.” “We’re out of here” added Teri, “praise the Lord.” Their plane finally took off.
Enjoying the boat ride, Mourna waved her little TAR flag and took in the sun. She needed it, the only Reality TV contestant that has been paler than her, was Astronaut Dan. Mourna was so happy that she didn’t care if her cousin was bent halfway overboard, polluting the ocean. Now, half a Shorty could be easy to miss but the barfing sounds could be heard miles away. Oswald, an environment conscious sailor, went to her help and put a damp cloth on her neck. Mourna thought that Oswald was great with his beauty tips! She then confided: “After spending every day with Shorty, I’m starting to get sick and tired of her. It was nice to have some new companions with us.” Shorty quietly agreed. Thanks again for staying quiet.
The first dhow reached the coast of Zanzibar and the 2 teams soon found their next clue: Detour
Having arrived in Zanzibar, Phil joined us and recited: “In this detour, teams have to choose between a skill that can tax their mind or a skill that can tax their muscles. The choice: “Solve It” or “Schlep It.” In “Solve It” teams make their way 1/3 of a mile to the hotel and they must put together a 62 piece puzzle taken from a familiar image known as a “Tinga Tinga” before receiving their next clue. In “Schlep It,” teams make their way 1 mile to the Kijangwani Lumber Yard. Once there, they must choose a local hand cart and load two 50 pound logs on their cart. These uniquely shaped logs are used in the construction of the native ships, Dhows. They must then carry their logs more than 1 mile to the shipyard to receive their next clue. Thanks Phil, go rest a while, you’ll have a long night at the Pit Stop and I’ll take over for now.
Both teams have had enough of Dhows for 1 day and decided to “Solve It”. They arrived at the hotel one after the other and attacked a puzzle that consisted of placing fish designs on a large board. Mourna told us: “We are super competitive, driven b*tches and we want to be in first place again. Stop talking and start working” she ordered Shorty. Despite Shorty placing one, Oswald and Danny were good at handling fish. “We are missing one” worried Oswald. “You have it in your hands” remarked Danny. “There, we are finished” said Oswald, slapping down the last fish. The next clue directed them to Kikungwi, 15 miles in the heart of the bush country where the Masai live. They got aboard an air conditioned taxi since Oswald didn’t want to melt on the road. They left just as the cousins finished their own puzzle.
Still on their way to Zanzibar on the 2nd Dhow, Uchenna told everyone: “My great-grandfather was a Pirate.” “Where did you get him?” asked Kandy. “We want one just like him” agreed Dusty. “Back off” said Joyce. “He’s my Uchy.” “In Zanzibar, you are going home” said Kandy Blonde in a joking voice. We left them as Uchy looked happy to see the girls fighting over him.
On the way to Kikungwi, The Cha-Chas remembered their priorities and decided to stop for some shopping. At least this time it was for real essentials as they bought a bag of fruits. They didn’t realize it, but the cousins profited from the shopping spree to get back in front. The girls spotted the clue box first. It was a Roadblock: Who’s on Target.
Getting back into action, Phil told us that: “A Roadblock is a task that only one team member may perform. In this roadblock, that person must learn how to hunt with a traditional wooden weapon used by members of the Masai tribe, called a Rungu. The team member chosen to hunt must throw the deadly Rungu, 65 feet and destroy one of these clay targets in order to retrieve their next clue hidden inside.”
Professional Masai Scouts were jumping with joy at the idea of signing talented American throwers to join their tribes. One Masai Rungu Guru showed Mourna how it was done. Mourna thought she was a fast learner and she quickly took her position, ready to start throwing. The Masais were jumping for joy until…Mourna confused a Rungu for a javelin and took a half dozen hesitant steps only to throw the Rungu 30 feet short. The Masai started to think they may not have their first recruit. However, the Rungu is hard to master so the Guru threw another Rungu to show the girl how it was done. Mourna again took a running start and threw it way off to the right, directly into Masai Smith’s living room. Masai Smith was not happy and he asked which bad Masai was throwing Rungus at his TV. Mourna ignored him and asked Shorty for the water bottle. Shorty threw the bottle and the Masai got excited again when the short one got it all the way to the pitching area. That showed them that some Americans have strong arms. There was still hope.
It was about this time that the Cha-Chas entered the throwing pitch. The warriors started jumping again, happy to have some real men doing the roadblock. Boy! were they in for a surprise! Danny, determined to pull his weight, decided he’d be doing this roadblock. Oswald joined Shorty on the sidelines. She asked him where they had gone. When he answered that they had stopped to buy fruit, Shorty muffled a curse at her driven b*tch of a cousin. Fruit sounded pretty good! In the meantime, Danny had started throwing and, let me tell you, even if it gets me some angry e-mails, Danny threw like a ………. President throwing out the first ball on opening day. Danny klunked one off the ground 10 feet short of home plate. Oswald told him that he had to have a limp wrist and that he had to put his whole arm into it: “Alto, Alto” he advised his partner but it didn’t look good.
Mourna was continuing to spray her Rungus like Phil Mickelson on the 18th tee of the US Open but finally one hit the target after bouncing off a couple of trees, the side of a hut and Uncle Camerman. She did a cartwheel, retrieved her clue and got tackled by Shorty who finally got what Mourna had said about her after the Dhow ride. The clue told them to go to the next Pit Stop. “Teams will now have to travel 15 miles through Zanzibar’s lush landscape into Stonetown and the Old Fort” said Phil. He continued: “This 18th century fort is the Pit Stop for this leg of the race. The last team to check in here, may be eliminated.”
Finally, after being told by Oswald that the trick was to pray to Mourna’s grandmother, grandfather and her eternal lineage, Danny understood and hit the target. He slowly walked to get the clue, leaving the Masai disappointed that the cartwheel wasn’t an American tradition afterall. Oswald gave us a bad omen when he said “Shorty and Mourna; they are formidable contenders.They can beat the bejesus out of us.” During that time, the cousins had reached the Old Fort. Oswald and Danny soon arrived there also. Looking for Phil, Mourna peeked into the men’s bathroom and had to retreat quickly. They were on the wrong side of the fort. The guys were looking for the door themselves and Phil was getting curious to see who would pop in first through the side door. Finally, Mourna and Shorty appeared and were happy to see Phil. They were even happier to hear that they were the first team to arrive. Phil told them: “Two ones in a row. You are ‘Too Hot to Handle.’ As the winners of this leg of the race, you each have won a 12 ½ foot catamaran!” The girls gave a lackluster response: “Haaan, a what ?” “A sailboat” Phil answered. The girls raised their hands in a half-hearted display of joy. You could tell that Shorty was thinking: “I’m never going on a boat again in my life” while Mourna was wondering: “Will that boat fit in the closet of my little apartment?”
Right after the girls, Oswald and Danny arrived in second place. There was no chasing Phil this time; the guys were obviously pooped after a night with the sailors and a day with the Masais.
Arriving in the port of Zanzibar. Uchy and Joyce decided to do the “Solve It” detour while the Blondies opted for the physical “Schelp It” one. The married couple arrived at the hotel and were confident to have chosen the right detour.
We went back to the airport for the arrival of Error and DoubleD who had finally reached Tanzania. Seeing that there was no time to grab a pint in the Bar of Salam, DoubleD followed Error into a taxi to the docks. They arrived pretty late but were told the Dhow was ready to sail very soon. Error was pleased that they would be keeping their 2 ½ hour lead on the old foggies. DoubleD was especially happy not to share the Dhow: “That would ruin the little trip we are about to have” she said.
The Blondies got a local to guide them to Kijangwani and when they noticed the big pieces of lumber they agreed that they had made it to the lumber yard. They rolled up their sleeves, which is hard to do in a tank top, and started carrying big pieces of wood with a lot of aplomb. These girls have handled some big wood before and were sure to have made the right choice. They put the logs on the cart and started out like a bobsled team pushing out for a gold medal. Despite being cheered on by passing locals, they soon realized that their cart wasn’t doing too well on the road. The cart tipped over and the girls had to pick up their logs. The locals appeared to be amused by the spill, but I’m guessing they wouldn’t have minded to have been schlepped themselves!
Uchenna and Joyce finished their puzzles very fast and were on their way to the bush country. Soon after, Dusty Blond and Kandy Blond also got their clue and got into a cab just as the sun was setting. “I still think that was the right choice” said Dusty Blond. “I do to” said Kandy Blond. Seeing them all sweaty, I have to say I was pretty happy with their choice also.
Just before they arrived to the island, Error confided: “We are fighting from the bottom to try and get to the top. There is always something behind you, telling you not to get too comfortable.”
Right on cue, at the Tanzanian airport, Team Depends and the Guidos had finally landed at 5:48PM. They showed their nervousness in the taxi. Ian said: “We are seconds behind Team Guido. It’s a race between us, winners take all, losers go home.” Teri, who had put on a hat as ugly as the one worn by her husband told us that: “One team could be stuck at the detour.” “That team would have to be the Guido” answered Ian who always likes to state the obvious. “We won’t give up until Phil tells us we are eliminated.” They both got on the 8:00PM Dhow.
Uchenna and Joyce arrived at the Roadblock and Uchy was amazed to see the Masai warriors and he jumped along with them. The Masai were happy to see a long lost relative but before he presumed to join the jumping, he had to prove he could throw a Rungu better than the other Americans. The first throw wasn’t too conclusive but on his 3rd attempt, Uchy hit the target. His fans screemed their joy and some Masais started jumping again. “Jumping with the Masai, that is a dream come true” Uchy said. He can expect a minor league deal with one of the local tribes. Before signing the deal though, they must still reach the pit stop. Phil greeted them in 3rd place but told them they had to step aside for their 30 minute penalty.
Having arrived in Kikungwi, Dusty and Kandy Blondes read the clues and Dusty stepped onto the Masais’ field of dreams to show her stuff. The form wasn’t bad, the motion was smooth but the throw lacked a certain amount of strength…make that, a lot of strength. After a few adjustments, Dusty hit the strike zone with a pitch that no one saw. The Masai Scouts were impressed. A stealth Rungu that can hit a target without being seen could be a great advance in their military capabilities. They huddled around the girls, probably asking how it was done. Dusty couldn’t explain such natural talents, so she grabbed the clue and both Blondies headed for the Pit Stop.
Having reached the shores of Zanzibar, DoubleD looked unhappy, maybe because she realized that there was no Zanzy Bar. Error decided to do the “Solve It” detour where the greeter was starting to show signs of being tired. Team Mix n’ Match completed the puzzle and were off to the bush country.
Back at the Pit Stop, Phil finally relented: “I’ll have a lot of explanations to give Rob and Amber but we can’t drag this penalty any longer. Uchenna and Joyce, since the other teams are such poor racers, you can come over. You are team number 3.” Soon after the Blondies arrived in a perfectly average 4th place.
Error and DoubleD finally joined the Masai warriors who had stopped all the jumping. With their first smart challenge decision since the race started, DoubleD used their big lead to do this one. Her form wasn’t as good as Dusty but she had the same stealth pitch. The Masai were too tired to even notice. DoubleD picked up the clue and Team Mix n’ Match were on their way to the Pit Stop. Moments later, they reached a disheveled Phil who was starting to find this day very long. In a tired voice he told Team Mix n’ Match, you are team number 5.”
The last Dhow reached the shore and Teri and Ian decided to do the “Solve It” detour. Bill smartly reasoned that the best thing to do was to follow team Depends so that they couldn’t get away. Both teams started the puzzle but had different methods: Joe and Bill actually put some fish in the proper places. Ian kept taking a fish from Teri, looking at it and saying “No” each time. It wasn’t a surprise that the Guidos finished well ahead of their competition. Ian finally realized that the fish were painted on both sides so they did fit where he thought they wouldn’t. “Stop, Look and Listen” indeed!
Bill decided he would do the roadblock as the sun was getting up. The Guru had gone to bed a long time ago and there was no one to show him how to throw the Rungu. Like a big boy, he figured it out and hit the target after 9 or 10 tries. “Teri and Ian didn’t show up yet” exclaimed Joe. “You know Ian is going to do it” warned Bill. “They could catch up to us.” The Guidos made their way to the old fort but, you guessed it, they hit some traffic along the way.
Ian unenthusiastically grabbed some Rungus, broke the target and collected the clue. One valiant Masai warrior jumped at seeing the result but it was more to show that he was happy that the trials were over rather than rejoicing at Ian’s level of skills.
With the Guidos still trapped in a morning rush hour traffic, Teri and Ian zoomed on their way to the fort. Both teams were running around looking for the proper door with Ian so confused that he had his hat on one minute and off the next. I’m guessing the scenes were cut to make us nervous at the outcome. It may have worked without all the heavy foreshadowing we had seen since the beginning of this leg. Finally, Phil told Joe and Bill the good news; they were team number 6.
All that was left were Teri and Ian’s final words. After telling Phil they knew they were the last team to arrive, they didn’t disappoint us. -“We had fun, we’re going home to our family” started Teri -“Teri is the love of my life, no other woman can wear a hat as ugly as mine” Ian said -“Ian loves me like none of my other lovers can” declared a happy Teri.
That was that…I think!
Next week on the Amazing Race: DoubleD improves her Flo impersonation and Shorty dresses up like the Black Knight, walks like the Tin Man and falls flat on her face to look like a turtle on its back.