Married at First Sight star Jamie Otis is mourning the anniversary of the devastating loss of her son Johnathan, who she miscarried three years ago.

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Jamie, who is currently pregnant, recalled the pain of miscarrying Johnathan in a touching Instagram post on Friday, December 20.

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"Our angel baby Johnathan turns 3 in heaven today. After three years you'd think it wouldn't hurt as much. Time has numbed some of the pain, but anyone who assumes it can go away entirely must not know what it's like to deliver your lifeless son & hold him in your arms knowing your body failed him and didn't nurture & protect him to his due date," Jamie captioned several very personal photos.

"I'll never forget meeting my first born baby. When I looked down to see him so tiny in my arms I couldn't help but notice how bruised & beaten up he looked from an early delivery."

Jamie shared a photo of Doug and herself holding Johnathan in the hospital. She followed that up with an imprint of the baby's tiny feet and some ultrasound photos taken during the pregnancy.

"As a mommy all you want to do is protect your baby and make sure they're happy and loved, but I will never get the chance to soothe my sweet Johnathan's cry by rocking him to sleep at night, or kiss his boo-boos 'all better', or cuddle up to him when he sees a monster under the bed," Jamie continued in her post.

"I'll never get to be a 'normal' mommy for him. The only mommy I can be is one who honors him, remembers him, and continues to *love* him from earth, until we meet again."

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Jamie and Doug announced they were expecting their first child together in July 2016 after tying the knot on Married at First Sight's first season.

Their baby was due in December of that year, but Jamie suffered a miscarriage at 17 weeks, just as she was in the middle of planning a gender-reveal party.

"There's such a stigma associated with loss so I won't ask anyone who feels like I should 'be over it' to join me in honoring him. If no one else wants to say Johnathan's name, look at his photos, or remember him with me that's ok. But please, let ME say his name, share his photos & continue to keep his memory alive. This is the only way I can be his mommy," Jamie wrote in her post.

"His life may have been short, but he existed & I cant/wont just forget him and 'move on.' Although we can't hold him on earth, I can still *feel* him with me & he *matters* to me & his daddy. If you're among the 1 in 4, the 'club' none of us want to be in, I want you to know you're not alone."
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Jamie concluded, "Losing your baby -- at any stage of pregnancy -- is one of the worst pains to have to endure and SO many just don't understand, but I'm here for you mama. You go ahead & love and honor your baby however you want. Don't let the judgement of others stop you. I'm sending you ALL MY LOVE, mama. #1in4 #miscarriage #pregnancyloss #infantloss #awareness #miscarriageawareness #pregnancyandinfantlossawareness #miscarriagesupport #iam1in4 #ihadamiscarriage."

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Jamie then commented on her own post and thanks all of her supportive followers.

"You are friends who've become my extended family and I just cannot even begin to tell you how much your love & support has helped me over the years," she noted. i love you."

After losing Johnathan, Jamie and Doug welcomed a baby girl, Henley Grace, into the world on August 22, 2017, just a couple of days before her due date.

Jamie sadly went on to experience two more miscarriages in 2018 and then again in January 2019, but she and Doug announced in September 2019 they're expecting another child together.

In October, the pair revealed they have a baby boy on the way who's due to arrive in May 2020.

Earlier this week, Jamie celebrated the Week 18 mark of her current pregnancy by acknowledging Johnathan's passing had left her anxious as her current pregnancy reached the Week 17 mark.

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"As much as I try to stay relaxed during week 17, the loss of our first baby boy always brings out so much anxiety. And I know it's ridiculous bc I've had zero issues with this pregnancy, but it's like I can't put enough prayers & positive vibes out there to keep the fears away," Jamie captioned a photo of her baby bump.

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"We never thought we'd lose Johnathan...  I never made it to week 18 with him. BUT I HAVE WITH THIS RAINBOW BABY BOY and all our worries were wiped away when we got to see our little guy on the ultrasound bouncing around so happy and content inside me."

She added, "And for the very first time we got to see our sweet rainbow baby's FACE... I kinda think he looks like @doughehner and what @henleygracehehner looked like when she was a newborn! THIS PREGNANCY IS BEGINNING TO FEEL 'REAL' NOW! I finally feel like I can relax. We made it to week 18 and ALL IS WELL! *SO THANKFUL*."

Following their stint on Married at First Sight's first season, Jamie and Doug co-starred on Married at First Sight: The First Year, a spinoff which continued to follow the two MAFS Season 1 couples who opted to remain together during their first year of marriage.

Jamie and Doug also later starred on Married at First Sight: Jamie and Doug Plus One, their own spinoff which premiered in December 2017.

Jamie currently serves as the host of Married at First Sight: Unfiltered, the show's post-episode discussion show that also airs on Lifetime.

Jamie and Doug additionally appeared on Married at First Sight: Couples Couch, which featured former MAFS couples offering commentary on encore broadcasts of the show's ninth-season episodes, this past summer.

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