Tonight on Survivor… 4 players, 3 Immunity challenges, 1 survivor! We’ll declare the ultimate survivor: Vanuatu. Okay, not us, but they’re out there somewhere, in another thread in another forum.
Don’t forget the Apprentice finale this Thursday. Who will win… Kelly or Jen? Be sure to communicate your thoughts with us leading up to the big ni... That’s NOT us either? Well what do we have here? My big fat WHAT? You’re kidding right? Oh… well then… yeah… Can I at least WATCH the Survivor finale? …Gotcha.
For the two of us remaining on Fox tonight I present the one the only: MY BIG FAT OBNOXIOUS BOSS EPISODE 5 SUMMARY EXTRAVAGANZA!!!! Complete with million dollar… idiots. Challenges that will test the contestants… stupidity, along with the viewer’s will power. Don’t miss a minute!... Could you at least pretend along with me for the sake of this summary? Thanks!
Previously on MYBOB (hehe, my bob, I like it!) I took liberties with the F, because this boss guy is anything but fat. Fat headedness is arguable… then again, he’s not really a boss, he’s an actor, just like everyone else. Well he’s not really an actor, but he plays one on reality tv. Hey, it’s a gig, right?
Anyway, previously on BOB (Now I took out the MY part, though I’m not why, since I’m sure it is mine, and mine alone.) /tangent. PREVIOUSLY on BOB: The teams were split into teams equally proportioned by hotness as defined by Mr. Paul John George Ringo and his gay sidekick, ##### Grayson (insert your own immature comment here). Basically they took two blondes, put them with a couple of guys, lather rinse repeat. Robert, who is still short, comments that his team is the “hottest” though I’m not sure I totally agree… teams being equally proportioned, of course.
After that, they receive their next task. They must sell completely useless junk, team who makes the most wins! Now was excited to see them go about selling this stuff mainstream, but instead they go to where any junk hording societial delinquent would go to get crap off their hands… A flea market! Naturally, they sell out completely… Actually, no one team did better than the other using the equally proportioned hotness they were equally handed out. Equally.
Then, in the boardroom, in truly Survivoresque fashion, it was men vs. women as Kerry and Tonia face the firing squad (ok, only one of them will actually GET to face the firing squad) as the one who placed 5th in the Miss Blonde Bimbo of BOB Competition gets dismissed, the other 4 remain to challenge for the throne. Who will get shot down in their dream of fake reality reality tv hall of loser fame? Find out now! Or stay tuned to Survivor: Vanuatu the Finale.
We begin with Kerry starting her day off with a roofie, and a smugness, that I cannot comprehend, for surviving for another round of Apprentice, We Ain’t. Her and Damien both comment about how much more cohesive a team they have than Team Jugs, despite the fact that Team Jugs just finished whooping the heck out of them at a flea market. Clip of team Jugs themselves wandering around in their p.j.’s, or underwear, whichever. It doesn’t matter, they could be naked, no one’s watching. Meanwhile, in Vanuatu Room 634, Chicago Iocorp Motel 6, it’s clearly boys vs girls, home edition! Nope, wrong show… Still here at BOB. Everyone’s claiming they need to win the next task. Hopefully it’s a suicide mission! At least it won’t be a tie, right?
TREEMAIL, the extremely old fashioned kind, where deliverer of said mail, gives said mail to a “runner”. The “runner” runs the mail to the “recipients” who receive the item. No use of Fed Ex, or even the Pony Express. Nope, everything stays in house, literally. It’s the 2000’s, doesn’t everyone have cell phones? Fax? Anything?
The mail tells the “contestants” that they are invited to a corporate retreat. But since there’s no corporation and they’re not running away, I find this an oxymoron… but then again, what do you call the only idiot viewing the show… They’re all excited about the retreat because it means team building and bonding and girl scout cookies! They’re all ready for a fun weekend of campfire meetings and trust firings, all within the cozy confines of a 4 star resort, just like any normal corporate retreat. Heh, little they know, it’s tents and bugs here, with a side of public humiliation they signed up for, and with a barrage of lawyers making sure they signed here, here and here, while initialing here, here, here, here, here, … here, here, and here… Oops, don’t forget here, never mind the fine print. Off to Disneyland we go.
First off they’re invited to a dinner with the boss. Everyone’s getting ready, and excited about sitting down for a little meal with the big guy. Everyone but Blonde Bimbo 1, who exclaims “there’s going to be drinks in 10 minutes.” Let’s hope so, they owe us that much. Then I remember that there’s no way Fox knows my address to give me a drink, and I must suffer through this sober. Thankfully college wasn’t so tough on me.
And dinner. No chairs, they must squat on the floor in typical Japanese custom, of course. Mr. Paul John George Ringo then delivers their next task. They are to speak freely about their thoughts of him, with no repercussions. Sure. Replies consisted of “too much greed and power, “no substance”, “too arrogant”, “I don’t get the company” (this guy’s going to win!), and two guys still have sour grapes about the golf outing and Mr. Paul John George Ringo staying with the women. Personally, I’d have stayed with the women too, but then again I’m not an executive, so what do I know. Mr. Paul John George Ringo only replied with “Thank you. I appreciate that” much to their chagrin.
COMMERCIALS!!!! A movie, Fo!?!?!) advertising the V-chip, Nanny 911, local stuff.
And we’re back. Boys day out! Bar-B-Q with open conversation about the company and business, until Mr. Paul John George Ringo brings up the women. Talk then opens up to breasts and etc. etc. You know, high school conversation. The Boy Wonder asked Blond Bimbo #4 about his work out routine until the other boys brought the conversation back to it’s rightful place… boobies. They then question Robin’s sexuality in confessionals. Meanwhile I question my own sanity.
Then the men on full stomachs play some hoops. 3 on 3, and Mr. Paul John George Ringo is faking a bad game, though apparently he played in the NBA back in the 60’s when white men ruled the game. After the game he challenges the men to a $1000 bet on a 1 on 1 game to 11. David, who obviously doesn’t know when he’s being hustled accepts. To me it seems pretty obvious that when the worse player challenges the best player to a game with money on the line, something’s up… But I didn’t go to Harvard, so I could be wrong. Robert decides to go half with David because being 3’7” means he isn’t willing to play on his own. Let the boys play! I’ll spare you the gory details, and just say halfway through Mr. Paul John George Ringo starts “trash” talking by calling David a girl and a biotch. He even makes sure to bring up the Ecopons that they sold last week. David takes it without a single comment in return, but loses focus, and ultimately the game 11-6. Therefore, if he or Robert get fired tonight he’ll be out more money than he’s set to be payed for finishing 8th place. Let’s hope for their sake they win the real task.