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My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss - Episode 3 Summary

'Bikini Babes and Cyanide Mascots' By cqvenus
Original Airdate: November 21, 2004

Last week on My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss… Mr. Todd showed them his fake mansion. He showed them the bogus excalibur sword. Their challenge was to sell hot bowls of soup on a hot day in chicago. The men won. The mystery boss got rid of Kristin.

Let the Hazing Continue!

Kerry now knows what mr todd likes and he’s seen her strong talents. She can’t wait to show him more. cq can definitely wait to *see* more.

Shannon, Mr. Todd’s assistant, delivers an invitation to two of them to each invite two more teammates to go on some trip. Rob invites Mike and David to go. Some sort of golf thing. The girls are going on some yacht trip. Kerry, Elli, and Whitney go.

This yacht quality time was “engineered to reveal a rather unsettling side of their new boss.” He offers them a small token of his appreciation for joining him on the yacht. Danielle, the fake daughter, gives each of them a really skimpy bikini. They girls weren’t sure how to react to that. They thought maybe it was inappropriate. Hmm… ya think? Estee is offended. Not at Mr. Todd. At the bad acting by his “daughter.” She didn’t even scream and yell “where’s MY bikini? You don’t LOVE me any more!” like a genuine rich brat would do. Sigh.

Then the sorority chicks in them bust right out. He invites them to get changed and come into the jacuzzi. Elli says she will sit this one out. It’s a job interview. She says it’s not appropriate. And a few minutes later, she changes. They go below decks and change into the bikinis, anyway! What is wrong with these women? Oh, yeah. Sorority sludge ruins the brain. Joisey smirks at the gratuitous boobage. So does cq.

Elli considers changing her mind. She says he skeeves her out. Well, someone’s thinking. That guy gives cq the heebie jeebies, too, sista.

The dudes are really excited to be playing golf. But they suck.

Back to the boat… Mr. Todd jumps into Lake Michigan. Ick. Perhaps the people who live nearby can confirm or deny this, but to cq itt looks dirty. And they jump in. But Elli won’t. Good girl. So she hangs back while they swim and frolick. Elli changes back into her clothes and sulks on the boat while the flaky girls come back and are towelling off, all kinds of chipper that they just had so much fun swimming in a dirty nappy lake.

Mr. Todd had to tell the boys he would be late. Right in front of the girls he tells the dudes he’s working on a business transaction.

He then reveals via confessional he’s not going to show up on the golf course at all. As in, ever.

*** Commercials ***

7 pm. Still on the yacht. So Mr. Todd makes a point of spending more time with the girls. Whitney saw the softer side of him so it makes her realize he’s more of a person. He didn’t listen to her at all. He said “that’s fascinating” about 1,000 times. She didn’t seem to notice. She loved hearing it. Every time. The way he looked at her when he said it made her feel warm. She admitted these things in a confessional later. He went on and on until “one would think” it was clear that he was not listening. But it wasn’t clear because Whitney is dumber than rocks. They part ways.

Meanwhile, the boys are still on the golf course at 9 pm. “I hate non-punctual people. My biggest pet peeve,” says Michael. Come the hell on. Non-punctual! Four hours late! That is a bit beyond non-punctual, indeed. Stupid frat boy.

The girls go back home. The guys come rolling in around 9something. They waited for him. The girls noticed the guys were not in a good mood. They waited for him forever. The girls say they were there and said not to say anything. The dudes say if he just told them there were girls that would’ve been fine, but he didn’t say anything. It would’ve been fine? It would’ve been fine that he was hanging out with the girls who are competing for this job and ignoring the guys who are also competing for this job? Wow. Fraternity funk affects the brain adversely, as well.

So around 10 pm, Mr. Todd calls the house and Whitney answers. It’s what he calls his billionaire’s version of a “drunk dial.” Well, we all know what that is, don’t we? He sounds drunk. She tells him he doesn’t sound too bad. He starts telling her about the drugs he had taken that night with drinking. The medicine came from an operation he had on his testicles. He asks for Whitney. She says, this is Whitney. He calls her fascinating again. He hangs up. The rest of the actors start laughing their asses off. Elli is peeved when Whitney tells them all he called just to say he had a good time. The rest that are nearby seem to think it’s pretty ridiculous. Elli seems really mad. She must not have been in a sorority, or she’d have a better handle on her Ugly Girl Insecurities Manifested as Jealousy.

They all arrive at the offices and wait for Mr. Todd to show up so they can find out what their next challenge is. Someone walks in in a suit with a big fat owl head on. Someone else comes out in a suit and what appears to be a big pink flamingo head. The big fat owl head unmasks. It’s his “son.” He’s playing kent todd. I know what you’re thinking. “I slept my way to the top. Well, all jokes aside… because I’m new, David’s going to explain what we do next.”

So he identifies the team boss. They move the men’s leader to Damian. David, you will recall, is supposed to be gay. He stares at Damian for a really uncomfortably long time. I mean, so long that cq felt awkward about it and was trying to figure out something to say to break the ice. Instead, though, she just burst out in hysterical laughter as Damian had that “deer caught in headlights” stare going on. They finally move on. And I stress the word “finally.”

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