Welcome to this exciting episode of Last Comic Standing. We’ll get to the hilarious recap in a moment or two – but first let me say that this show sucks. A. Lot. Really. It’s very, very bad.
See, comics are not inherently interesting people. They are bitter, mean-spirited, self-involved and joyless. Sure – on paper this sounds riveting - but in reality, not so much.
Let me amend that – when these miserable train wrecks had to interact with each other in a variety of ridiculously contrived settings, the show had its high points. Dat Phan playing hide and seek all by himself, Rich Vos and Dave Mordell taking a bath together, Bonnie McFarland’s endless and pathetic neediness – each and every one a moment to behold.
But this season, the brain trust behind the show has decided to take the comics out of a cramped environment where they have to live together despite their assorted neuroses and personality defects - and instead, just let them perform. Mediocre comics doing the same tired material over and over and over again. Week after week. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. They call this calamity the battle of the best. That – to put it gently – is deluded and factually inaccurate.
I mean how many marginally talented comics have been given their own sitcoms in the past few years? Three or four hundred? These comics couldn’t accomplish what Jeff Foxworthy and Steve Harvey managed to do. How good could they be?
And the ratings for this little freak show are not good. The producers in their infinite wisdom have decided to spice up the proceedings with “celebrity” guest stars. Carrot Top and Louie Anderson are considered celebrities on Last Comic Standing. Andrew Dice Clay and Joe Piscopo were apparently unavailable.
This week’s jump-the-shark gimmick is a celebrity roast. Again – Jay Mohr is the celebrity in question (Jay Mohr being a celebrity is probably the funniest punch line to date on this program).
And, come to think of it, this is the second time they’ve done a roast. Isn’t the roast a little played out as a concept? Who owes Don Rickles money? Who is sleeping with Ruth Buzzi? Can we embrace the new millennium please?
We do learn some good news as the show begins – four of the six dufuses (dufii?) that performed last week will be eliminated at the end of the hour. The two surviving (one from each season) will comprise half of the final four. The other half will be the winners (and I use that term loosely) from this week. Six will perform tonight, only two will make the cut.
We also learn Season 2 has won the audience vote again and receives another fifty thousand dollars. They’ve doubled what Carrot Top made last year in one fell swoop. (That’s after the money he spent on the bicep implants.)
Three comics from each season will be performing. Roasting Jay Mohr tonight from Season 1: Rich Vos, Geoff Last-Name-Illegible-In-My-Notes and the singularly monikered Tess (thanks girlfriend!). This means that one of these no-talent losers will make it to the final four. As Jay London says, this is death.
Season 2 will feature Alonzo Bowden, Gary Gulman and Todd Glass. Triumph the Insult Comic Dog will be a special guest tonight. Cause puppetry is always funny. And the roast of Jay will be hosted by Jeffrey Ross, another unattractive comedian.