The Bachelor alum Rachael Kirkconnell has revealed that she hasn't had sex for "years" despite her relationship with Matt James.
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"I feel like a virgin again. Guys, I haven't had sex way longer than you think. Just put it that way. It's been years. It has been so long," Rachael shared.
Rachael, who split from Matt in January, explained that she's "really boring" and wants Allie and Noah "The Notebook sex," which she dubbed "vanilla" but emotional.
Rachael said that after going "so long" without sex, it may hurt and she doesn't want to just "give it up to anyone" and have a random hookup.
Rachael, a self-declared "lover girl," therefore said she hopes her next sexual encounter will be "incredible" and passionate.
The Bachelor alum elaborated, "I feel like how we felt when we were, like, in high school. I'm not going to say everyone felt like this, but you know how everyone just makes losing your virginity such a big deal? And it's like, 'Lose it to someone special?' That's how I feel."
She added, "I'm like, 'I can't just give it up to just anyone.' I want it to be special."
It may take some time for Rachael to find that lucky guy, however, because she said she hasn't "been on a single date" with a man.
"Hi, someone date me! I've been chronically single," Rachael quipped.
"I'm not on the apps. I'm not judging anyone who is on the apps, but I just don't think that would work well for me. But honestly, if it gets to a point, I might have to jump on them."
Rachael admitted she's "lonely" and would like to "flirt with someone and get excited about someone and have a crush" but it seems like men she likes don't like her back.
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Rachael also shared that she's never had a one-night stand before and she thinks she may be demisexual, which is a sexual orientation in which a person experiences a sexual attraction to someone only after a strong emotional bond is formed.
"I think that's me," Rachael noted, before podcaster Hallie Batchelder pointed out how that sounds healthy and should probably be everyone's approach in dating.
Hallie therefore wondered if Rachael could be attracted to women as well.
"But that's pansexual, so I'm confused," Rachael admitted.
Hallie asked Rachael flat out if she is also attracted to women, and Rachael replied, "I don't think so, I don't know. It's all a spectrum, isn't it?"
"But I just do feel like I have to have an emotional connection with someone," Rachael continued.
"I don't think I could just go home with anyone. I have to feel safe and comfortable with them and be emotionally invested, at least in a way I could see us dating or I at least have a crush on them."
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"I can say, 'Wow, that person is really attractive,'" Rachael told Hallie.
"I obviously find them attractive; I think they're really hot, but I don't care after that, because I'm like, 'They could still be a terrible person or have the worst personality ever,' and that would make me not want to sleep with them."
Rachael explained how a person with questionable character or a boring personality "totally turns me off."
She added, "I guess their attraction can only get so far for me. I don't know. Maybe that's my problem, I don't know."
After four years of dating, Matt dumped his The Bachelor 25 winner, Rachael, during a trip to Tokyo and then publicly announced their split via Instagram in January without giving Rachael any warning.
Rachael admitted earlier this year she was totally blindsided and heartbroken by the breakup.
"If I love someone, I will fight for them so hard. So I think I just really wanted to give it a try because I knew that we both felt so strongly for each other. I just felt like we were living for others and not for ourselves," Rachael told Jason Tartick on his "Trading Secrets" podcast.
"It was hard, but I don't regret anything. But I definitely do feel differently now looking back on a lot of stuff and on a lot of flags and things."
Rachael noted that she didn't "want to get into" what those red flags were exactly, but she added, "It's just such a different thing to look back on" now.
"It was just shocking -- the whole thing! It was so hard to wrap my mind around. For the longest time, I was like, 'I can't believe this is my life right now,' and in a bad way," Rachael explained.
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Rachael said she had to keep telling herself that everything happens for a reason.
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Rachael acknowledged that she had pictured marriage and children with Matt and so she's not sure what her future is going to look like now.
"But I also am really enjoying my independence... I am not going to settle anymore," Rachael insisted.
"I would rather be alone than be in something unhealthy or something I know is not right at the end of the day."
Rachael even said she'd rather live her life alone, without kids, if she doesn't find her "perfect" person and the right match for her.
"[I want] a partner through and through and I know he'd be an incredible husband and father," Rachael said.
"If I don't find that, I'm not going to settle. I wouldn't go through IVF or anything on my own."
Rachael said people need to find out who they are and be the source of their own happiness.
"You should always make sure, no matter what, if anything happens... that you're going to be okay and stand up on your own," Rachael advised her fans, adding, "You're going to be okay."
When Matt announced his breakup with Rachael, he wrote in an unusual statement via Instagram: "Father God, give Rachael and I strength to mend our broken hearts. Give us a peace about this decision to end our relationship that transcends worldly understanding. Shower our friends and family with kindness and love to comfort us. And remind us that our Joy comes from you, Lord."
Rachael previously told Alex Cooper on the "Call Her Daddy" podcast that she was sitting in Tokyo on a Georgia-bound plane waiting for it to take off when she saw Matt's Instagram post.
Rachael recalled her phone blowing up with text messages and calls, only to lose WiFi signal and have no phone connection for the next 12 hours.
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Rachael recalled of the breakup: "He said that at the end of the day, there were qualities about me that he worries about having in a wife, like... there are things we are not compatible with."
She elaborated, "[He said], 'I should want to propose to you. At this point in our relationship... I should be ready for that, but I'm not still. I still don't feel like I'm ready. I don't know if I ever see myself proposing to you. I can't actually see myself married to you.'"
But Rachael refuses to speak poorly of Matt, who allegedly regrets the way he handled their breakup. Rachael said she'd even like to become friends again with Matt, eventually.
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About The Author: Elizabeth Kwiatkowski
