Andi Dorfman reveals "painful" but "liberating" decision to freeze eggs -- "I had a total breakdown"
By Elizabeth Kwiatkowski, 12/27/2017
Andi Dorfman has revealed that she froze her eggs once she moved from Atlanta to New York following her split from Josh Murray.
"It's scary to think I only have me to rely on," the tenth-season The Bachelorette star toldUs Weekly. "But there's something liberating about that."
Andi discovered independence in 2015 after her breakup from Josh, realizing that she could do just about anything on her own -- including parenthood if the right guy never comes along.
Andi therefore decided to seek out fellow The Bachelor alum and Chicago-based fertility nurse Whitney Bischoff for guidance and information before making the tough decision to freeze her eggs.
"I always thought, 'I'm not that old yet,'" Andi, 30, told Us. "Then, I was going to weddings and I realized just how single I am. I can't guarantee a husband, but by freezing my eggs, I can guarantee kids. It felt like a great way to take off the pressure. I mulled it over for a few months and then I was like, 'I'm going to do this before I turn 30.'"
Andi waited quite some time to open up about the procedure, finally detailing it in Single State of Mind, her new upcoming book which hits shelves January 9, 2018, and revealing how the experience affected her.
"I didn't feel comfortable while it was happening," Andi recalled. "My way was writing about it. Some women feel great; I felt alone and had to come to grips with that. There are women who will feel the same way. It was necessary but not something to boast about."
In an excerpt obtained by Us from her new book, which follows her memoir It's Not Okay: Turning Heartbreak into Happily Never After, Andi discussed the physical and emotional process of freezing her eggs.
"Each night, between the hours of seven and nine, Whitney calls to tell me what dosage of each medicine I'll have to inject. I've managed to successfully inject myself each time, even though it takes me about forty-five minutes to push hard enough to get the tiny needle in," Andi wrote, according to the magazine.
"Everything was going great, until last night, when I had a total breakdown. I was standing naked in my kitchen, hunched over, trying to get the needle out of my stomach, when I started bawling. The needles aren't painful, but the tears are. Why am I putting myself through all this?"
Josh proposed marriage to Andi on The Bachelorette's 2014 finale; however, they called off their engagement and split in January 2015 after eight months together. Andi released It's Not Okay about a year later.
"It isn't until two days later when I arrive in Chicago for the real thing that I start to actually grasp everything that is happening. The needles still suck, as does having to get blood work done each day, but now that Whitney is doing all of that for me, I just close my eyes and count to ten and it's done. It's also been interesting to see how the follicles in my ovaries are growing as a result of the hormones," Andi continued.
"The sh-t seems to be working because I have a baby bump only without the baby inside. On the other hand, mentally, I've been a total mind f-ck. When I was a young girl, I dreamed of being married and having kids and the whole white-picket-fence sh-t. I dreamed of it all. Except for freezing my eggs. So I'm not going to lie and say that doing what I'm doing feels like the proudest moment of my life."
Andi, instead, chose to "keep it real" and admitted in her new book that she had pushed aside "internal pressure, social norms" and most of all, her "ego," to ultimately make "the smartest decision" for her life.
"I still want all of those things I dreamed. I'm just not there yet. I guess the empowerment sort of hit me yesterday, moments before I was about to go under for my retrieval. It hit me in a somewhat disheartening way. The room seemed so empty. I was so alone in that moment. I wish I had thought to have my mom come with me or a friend, maybe [The Bachelor alum Kelly Travis]," Andi explained.
"But it was too late. I was going under, alone. And that wasn't even what saddened me the most. What saddened me was the realization that I am doing this alone now, and there is a possibility that I will be doing it alone in the future. Love is not guaranteed. That sh-t doesn't always work. But it also dawned on me that if I can do this part myself, then I can also do the rest of it."
Andi added, "It wouldn't be my choice to have a child alone, but I know that if I have to, I can. It's taken me two years, two weeks of hormone injections, and a hospital gown to have one moment of total honesty with myself. As I was wheeled into the operating room, I was wheeled in alone. But alone and strong."