The Amazing Race 9 - Episode 3 Summary

'Floaters, Factions, and Followers' By ARnutz

We begin with a recap of last week, which I will not bore you with because you can read all about the whole thing here, where our lovely Seana wrote a fantabulous summary of the episode!

So… we join our teams who are leaving the pit stop at Primavera de Serra, near Brotas, Brazil. The clue has the teams get back in their punch buggies and drive to a nearby farm, 3 miles away and take a ride on a zip line. They will have $307 bucks for this leg. Our silly hippies, BJ and Tyler, set off first at 4:48 am. Eric and Jeremy, the beach bum frat boys, who I will now call BBFB, are a few minutes behind and leave the mat at 5:01 am. They are followed by MoJo (In case you don’t know, that’s Joseph and Monica, who gave their own team this nickname at the start of the race, just for the convenience of we summary writers!) at 5:18 am and Dave and Lori, the loveable nerds, who I will now refer to as team N.E.R.D. ~ make up your own mnemonic, at 5:28 am. Of course, we are treated to one of the great TAR equalizers because the farm does not open until 7 am! The silly hippy boys decide they will be jumping out of the bushes as the other teams drive up to the farm in their punch buggies. They actually get on the cars and take a ride on the hood and roof! Well, what did you expect? They have over two hours to wait for the farm to open! They were bored! They needed to entertain themselves! …and give us viewers something to laugh about!

In the meantime, other teams are beginning to leave the pit stop. At 6:31 am, Ray and Yolanda (team R.A.Y. ~ thanks dajaki) set out to drive the 3 miles with Wanda and Desiree (team W.A.D. aka We Are Dopes!) just a minute behind. Gee, do you think they’ll make it 3 miles by 7 am? Can you say bunching? There are now 6 of our 9 teams waiting for the farm to open! The gates finally open and it’s a massive scramble!!! BJ and Tyler get there first, go down the zip line and get their clue. It says they need to get to the Brotas bus station and go to Sao Paolo airport so they can fly 7300 miles to Moscow, Russia where they will have to find Chaika Bassein, an Olympic training facility… one that has water! Yes folks, the place has water. Bassein? That’s kind of like the word basin and we all know what a basin is, right? Yes! It’s a thing that holds water! The other 5 teams at the farm complete the task and also head off to the bus station to get a ticket for the next available bus.

Lake and Michelle, (L.A.M. aka loud and mean ~ don't let the sound of this mnemonic fool you, these people are the farthest from sweet, little lambs), head out from the pit stop at 7:06 am and the Double D’s, Danielle and Dani, are behind by a minute. L.A.M. get lost! …allowing the Double D’s to pass them by and get to the farm before them! Lake decides to get out of his punch buggy and stand on the hood and roof of the car to see if he can find the farm from on top, because, you know there is a sign somewhere, sticking way up high out of the tall grass, with a big arrow shaped red flag that says, “IT’S OVER HERE, LAKE!!!” This causes the roof to buckle, but I’m sure it only did that because of his yelling at Michelle... and her yelling at him to get off the car! It wasn’t from the weight of him standing on it! That roof was cringing, just like the viewers! Hey! TAR should make them use their $307 bucks to fix it! Yeah! That would be a cool, new penalty! Whenever a team does any damage during the race, they should have to pay for repairs!

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The old folks, Fran and Barry, (team F.A.B. aka foagies are bitchin’!) who led us to believe in their CBS promo video that they are a very active older couple, not anything like the previous older couples and who are trying to change the stereotype of older TAR couples, are the last to leave the pit stop at 8:24 am. They are 1 hour and 17 minutes behind all the others! Way to do your part about that stereotype, folks!

So, the teams are arriving at the bus station. The earliest time available is 9:15 am. The hippies, BBFB, MoJo and N.E.R.D. get on the first bus. The next bunch of teams, W.A.D., the Double D’s, L.A.M. and R.A.Y. get on the second bus, which will leave at 10 am.

Finally, F.A.B. get to the farm to do the zipline and they are off to the bus station where they see no other teams! Omigawd! They are the only team on the third bus which will leave at 10:45 am. They whine and kind of deflate as they wait for the bus. Hey! Guys? Guess what? You know how you were 1 hour and 17 minutes behind leaving the pit stop? Yeah well, now you are only 45 minutes behind! Be optimistic here F.A.B.! You have just gained 32 minutes! Sheesh! Plus? You are on your way to the airport and if you’ve ever seen TAR for even five minutes of your life, then you know there will be airport bunching!!! Boy! Some people!

In the next segment, the teams are at the airport scrambling for tickets to Moscow! They are shown snippets of various teams at the Lufthansa counter. Lake calls the ticket lady “Senorita” while Michelle points out that she doesn’t think that’s the right word. It’s about time they leave Brazil because I’m getting darn annoyed at these people speaking Spanish! Let’s see how they do with the language barrier in Russia! Oh wait! Maybe I shouldn’t wish that they leave Brazil, they could be worse with Russian! By the time we see all of the first 8 teams getting their tickets, F.A.B. gets off their bus at the airport. Lo and behold! I think TAR has just made history! We, of course, get treated to airport bunching, but this is no ordinary airport bunching. Nope folks… I present to you the newest concept in TAR equalizers… SUPERMEGAGINORMOBUNCHING!!! Yep, all 9 teams are on the same Lufthansa flight that will depart at 7:10 (I’m assuming it is 7:10 pm, given the bus times) and go through Frankfort, Germany before arriving in Moscow at 12:10. As a matter of fact, this bunching is so bad that Lisa & Joni and John & Scott have caught up and they’re on the same flight too!

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