The Bachelor 5 - Episode 3 Summary

'Dishing Trish (While keeping it PG-13)' By KObrien_fan

The show opens with Jenny and Trish sitting at the kitchen table talking. Trish says: “Everyone is like asking me are you all excited about your date? I’m not going to get all excited over ONE date (we learn why later). Yes, I had a fabulous time, yes, it’s going to be something I’ll remember. (Oh really? So will Jesse be #31 or #36, hmmmmmm?) Do I like him? Yes, but at the end of the day I could be packing my bags and going home.” (Yeah right, and aliens could swoop down from outer space and take you to their leader)

Jenny confesses to the camera that she wishes Jesse could see what she sees and hear what she hears. She will tell him everything that is important. To Trish she says “True love starts with friendship first”.

Trish responds, “I get bored” and laughs. (Wow, what an outlook this woman has, I am impressed already)

The first date box arrives, it’s for Suzie! (OMH, those screeches have got to stop, now I see what you mean Doc.) The box is full of film things and the card on it reads “Join me for dinner and a movie, love Jesse” (More crazy screaming, gawd I need to turn the volume down and just pick up the words via closed captioning.)

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Jenny tells the camera that she is ecstatic for Jesse to be able to spend some one on one time with Suzie. (Wait, I thought Jesse played football…?)

Evening comes and we see Jesse talking about his impending date, he is very excited and looking forward to some quality time. This is a very important week. There are 9 girls left and he needs to decide which one he is going to spend the rest of his life with. (Does anybody have a barf bag, my stomach doesn’t feel so good all of a sudden.)

Confessional: Trish “I think I’m on a different level than Suzie is. Jesse is here looking for a woman to fit into life. I am elegant, professional, sophisticated, and NOT a blabbering idiot.” (Um, can anybody fill me in as to the reason Trish is so delusional? Did she take some heavy drugs last week? I don’t remember reading that in Doc’s summary…oh well.)

The limo arrives at the theater and on the marquee it says “Welcome Jesse and Suzie”. Suzie is thrilled to see her name in lights and to be on the arm of such a shallow hunk of a man. (OK, I added the word shallow, she didn’t really say that, but seriously, isn’t he?)

Jesse tells Suzie that the tests show that they are the most compatible of the whole group. He wasn’t surprised when he read that either. (Wait, they mixed up the test results. Jesse is really most compatible with Lillian Morris of Survivor Pearl Islands, she has a scout troop and will take really good care of Jesse for the rest of his life. Somebody call the producer please.)

Meanwhile back at the house we have some good stuff heating up with the girls. They are all sitting around the living room playing a drinking game. The game is called “I’ve never” and the rules are quite simple. One girl makes a statement “I’ve never done such and such” and if you have done it, you drink. Sound simple? Good, let’s play.

I never drank before I was 21 (I assume she means alcoholic beverages, or else someone was a very dehydrated child. Could explain the anorexia.)

Several people tip their glasses and drink, including Trish.

I never had sex while I was in college.

Trish drinks.

I’ve never cheated on my boyfriend.

Trish drinks. Karen makes a face.

(You see the pattern forming here? Trish had better watch it or she will end up plastered like Rupert was on Survivor the other night)

I’ve never had a 1 night stand with a man that I never talked to the guy again.

Trish drinks. (Several oh’s and ah’s from the virgins sitting around her.)

Trish finally speaks, laughing she says “By the end of the night yall are not going to like me very much.” (Maybe not, but men now know who to call for a good time)

I’ve never had sex with more then one person in a day.

Trish gulps a few swigs of her grog, a few jaws drop.

I’ve never had sex on a bathroom counter before.
Trish’ drinking must be getting hold of her hearing, she asks for clarification “wait, ON a bathroom counter, any counter?” “Yes”

Trish drinks. Someone pipes in “kitchen counter maybe” and chuckles. Another comments “Trish is going to get drunk, she hasn’t lowered her glass in like 3 minutes”

I’ve never had sex with more people then I can count on one hand.

Trish drinks. Karen asks “Trish did you just drink?” Trish nods and grins.

Both hands?

Trish drinks.

Two hands and a foot?

Trish shouts “You guys I have 7 extra years on most of you!”

“Wait, wait, answer the question, more then 2 hands and 2 feet?” (See the whole game is down the tubs – oops I mean tubes, nobody is playing now they are just asking Trish the questions and watching her chug.)

“So how many?”

Trish: “It’s not that I lost track or anything, it’s just that…”

“You lost track.” Jessica B finishes the sentence for her. (My what a whole room full of Neleh Dennis type girls, poor Trish, I feel bad for her the way they are going on and on and prying into her sex life like that)

Ok, so on it goes. They find out that in the whole list of play things she has had at least one indiscretion with a married man. The whole time this part of the conversation is taking place, all you see is a drunk Trish with the fire in the fireplace directly behind her which conjures images of her burning in hell.

Jessica B confesses: “I was offended. I mean how could you ever sleep with somebody else’ husband? It’s just not right. It really isn’t, it’s just not frickin’ right. And she is PROUD of it, it’s sick.” (Does Jessica know Eminem? Maybe she dated him because he was the lead singer in the band? In any case he is rubbing off on her, so she better frickin’ stop like talking to him or listening to him, you know?)

Jenny is equally disgusted: “Everything that Trish said made me feel disgusted. I happen to be a wife and I know marriages fall apart constantly. (Marriages don’t break up on account of infidelity, it’s just a symptom that something else is wrong. Sorry, I blatantly stole that line from my favorite movie “When Harry Met Sally” If you haven’t seen it yet, I highly recommend that you buy or rent it. In fact, it is similar to the bachelor in some ways, without all the girls screaming.) And I know that there are people that wreck marriages without even thinking about it. I see her as one of those people. She’s here and she wants to get married to my best friend? Just the ugliness that that is, makes me sick”.

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