Previously on "So Not An Amazing Race", nine teams left a bed & breakfast near Mount Rushmore and they had to follow clues along a trail that Lewis and Clark blazed 200 years ago, leading to Tower Rock in Montana. Team Air Force and the Fogal Family showed their dominance, while the bottom three teams showed... something else. One of the Graduate Students took the phrase "break a leg" a little too seriously. They weren't eliminated. The Hanlons spent a lot of time at the mine searching for red herrings, got a late start out of camp, killed some time not solving their clue, and finally taking time out for a fast food break. They weren't eliminated either. It was the Browns, who were slow at every point, who failed to find their artifact and were eliminated.
Now, eight teams remain. Who will be eliminated... today?
The remaining teams were seen eating, sleeping, and mingling at the Diamond District Breakfast Inn near Boston. Wait a sec - BOSTON? How'd they get from Montana to Boston?? That puzzle I have yet to crack, since the producers didn't seem to think it was important. Anyway, the hobbled grad was advised by the medical staff not to go on, and wisely they decided to take it. The teams greeted them and watched them depart with tears all around.
At 6:30 AM, Laird interruped the teams for his important Motorola(tm) announcement - go find the Old Burke School. The announcement was made that since the Grads dropped out, the last eliminated team - the Browns - would take their place. The Hanlons were displeased about this. They probably confused with a more organized show; our producers seem to be making up the rules as they go along.
While we waited for them to find the school (most followed the Southies, who are from Boston), the ex-CIA boys commented in a confessional that team Air Force and the Fogals were major threats. The Southies called the Geniuses and gave them directions for some reason. A little later, the Fogals called the Geniuses, but the bright boys played coy with them.
Air Force was the first to find the school in Chelsea. They found a graffiti message that said, "Look until you can see no more". Then they went into the main classroom and found more graffiti and some messages and formulae on the chalkboards. They figured that they needed to go to the Minuteman Statue. Hmmm, is that the music of doom I'm hearing?
Meanwhile, Genworth gave a clue, just for us unlucky folks at home - "In dark times, the words form".
The other teams followed in short order. Josh, the only Hanlon with an apparent IQ above room temperature, got the idea to turn on the lights above the chalkboards and turn out the others. Brilliant! There was two hidden messages that only showed up in the dark. One was to find the Old Newgate Prison, and the other was to find the Wentworth House. Unfortunately, most of the other teams were in the classroom when the lights were cut, so the Hanlons didn't get any advantage. Laird told them that they had to choose another team to work with. The teams that were there (everyone besides Air Force and the Fogals) decided to work togather. Miss USA, the Browns, and the Geniuses headed for the prison; while the Southies, Hanlons, and ex-CIA went to the house. The Fogals called the Geniuses and asked for help, which was not forthcoming. After they hung up, they celebrated the screwing of the Fogals and Air Force.
A little later, Air Force had an epiphany and returned to the school to found their clue. Since they were more or less stuck with the Fogals for the time being, they gave them some assistance - AF would head to the house, and Fogal would head to the prison.
The Wentworth House group found their destination first in Portsmouth, NH, and Laird gave them some more instructions - somewhere in the house is a hidden hollowed out bullet with their next clue. They needed to find it. It didn't seem to take them long as they found a loose board in the floor and found the lucky bullet in a hidden space. They find that it's just half a clue, and the other teams would find the other half when they found their clue. Air Force made it there behind them and figured out that everyone but the Fogals was working against them.
A bit later, those wily Fogals made it to the prison in East Granby, CT, first. Laird told them that they too had to find a hollowed out bullet. After some shrieking by one or the other of the Lady Fogals as they descended into the dark tunnels of the prison's lower level, guy Fogal found the clue bullet. They and Air Force compared notes - now they need to head to Old North Church's cemetery.
Then the other teams made it to the prison. The Browns found the bullet first and gave the Hanlons a call. The wild boys were not at all helpful, and their reasoning is that they should have been eliminated last time. Yeah, whatever.
The ex-CIA and Miss USA teams successful formed a mini-alliance, but the Southies and Air Force could not as they argued over some point or another at the church.
At the church, teams found that there are two lights, meaning that they next had to head to Pemberton Pier near the Boston Light. The Southies were the first to make it and Laird interrupted our broadcast again - there would be ferries to the Boston Light starting at 7:30 the next morning and running every 15 minutes. Each boat had room for two teams, and they had to decide among themselves whether to take a friend, foe, or go alone. The teams had to grab a ticket and head to camp for the night.
Air Force was second, followed by ex-CIA and the Hanlons. Of course, only the Hanlons could turn finding a ticket into a dramatic (for them), comic (for us) moment. They started looking in the water for their ticket. Or maybe they were looking for dinner? Their clue missing skills made Fran and Barry proud. They did find their ticket before any other team arrived, so there was no harm.
For the eight of you that still care, the other teams arrived in the following order: Fogal, Miss USA, Geniuses and Brown. The Browns spoke of being tired of being last all the time, and they hoped to hook up with another team in hopes of avoiding being eliminated for real this time.
After a comfortable rest at the Colonial Bed & Breakfast in Hull (no, I'm not getting paid by any of these sponsors; just reporting them out), the ferries were ready to depart. The Southies took the Geniuses along for the ride. CIA paired with USA on the second ferry. Air Force and the Fogals continued their alliance on boat #3. I'll tell you about the other ferry later.
Meanwhile, the first ferry arrives at the Boston Light and Laird imparted the following information: This is NOT a pit stop, but the location of the third artifact. The artifacts were in lockboxes guarded with combination locks. The boxes were strewn on the island and easy to see. But where's that combination? That's up to the teams to figure out.
After a bit of fruitless bumbling, one team figured out that those little rocks on the ground might mean something. So one of them went up to the top of the lighthouse to see if they formed a pattern or something, which they did - they were Roman numerals One set was 9-2-53, and the other was 1-3-4-1. Could those be the combinations? Is there corporate sponsorship on the show?
Back on the pier, the Hanlons and Browns continued to spat, and the wild boys took their ferry alone. This meant the Browns would be last, again, and up against it.
By this time the other teams had arrived and figured out the code. I'll give you the order in which they found their artifact, not that it matters:
1) Geniuses 2) Miss USA 3) ex-CIA 4) Southies 5) Fogals 6) Air Force
Laird told the teams as they found their artifact that they were done for now, and should wait at camp for further instructions.
And then there were two. The Hanlons were on the island and the Browns were approaching it. Josh seemed to figure something out... but maybe he used too much of his brain power at the school because it wasn't quite right. But his civility seemed unaffected; he apologized to one of the Browns for their behavior back at the pier. The Browns go up to the lighthouse to investigate. He DOES figure it out and they tried out some combinations. The Hanlons tried to scope out a peek, but the brownies complained loudly and used their ample bodies to block. Finally, they opened the box with the last artifact. Laird gave the Wild Hanlons the bad news, including some lame catchphrase that I won't repeat. But that didn't stop them as they kept trying to open boxes with bad combinations. Legend has it that they're still out their trying to unlock boxes even today.
Next week we get subterranean New York City! Bonus treasure!! Swamps!!! An ambulance!!!! And more shrieking from the Fogals!!!!! Aren't you excited?!?!