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American Dream Derby - Episode 4 Summary

'He's Got His Thing Out!' By realitybites
Original Airdate: January 24, 2005

Previously on "The Deanna and Susan Show": Sara shocks everyone by winning the owners' challenge and takes her homies with her, Deanna wins the stable hand challenge and puts Aaron on the chopping block, Sara picks Eric for the guts match, and Eric's horse wins, and Susan looks like she lost her only friend.

Thankfully there's less time to misintrepret everyone's quotes, but let's try anyway:

Chris says the key to the game is having lots of small alliances and using other strengths to get to the top. Dang, I hear that Alanis song again. Must be just a coincidence. Deanna is skeptical of Chris's intentions.

Eric likes being around Sara and thinks she's both beautiful and smart. Agreed, but down boy; you've got a game to win, and I don't think lusting after thy opponent is the best way to get to the winners' circle.

Steve takes everyone down to the Winners' Circle at Santa Anita for our weekly OWNERS' CHALLENGE. Five horses are displayed for our owners. One of them is a Breeders' Cup winner, and the others are, to put it nicely, not. Steve gives out hints for each horse to make it less of a guessing game. Those who pick the right horse moves on to part two of the challenge, which I'll explain in a bit.

I read the spoilers for the show, which made the choice really obvious. But even if I hadn't, I probably would've gotten the right answer through the process of elimination. Would the others do the same? Let's see.

Chris picked #5, which I'm afraid was the wrong answer.
LeVar picked #2 and the three players behind him picked #1.

Then we get to our horse "expert" Sara. "What's a Breeders' Cup?" she innocently asks, and half the 36 people watching the show were aghast at such ignorance (the other half probably switched to "The Bachelorette"). The Breeders' Cup, for anyone who doesn't know but cares, is a special group of races that features most of the best horses in the world competing at different races on different surfaces and distances. The 2003 Breeders' Cup was held at our favorite track, Santa Anita, and it rotates among the major tracks from year to year.

Anyhoo, Sara was looking for the prettiest horse (not bad logic, actually) and probably didn't find it with horse #1, who had an interesting reaction to her presence or something. "He's got his thing out!" she exclaimed, providing the title quote for this viewer, and providing fodder for water cooler conversations everywhere. Well, somewhere, maybe. Sure enough, horse #1 had his hind quarters blurred out so we wouldn't know he was hung like a.... you know what. Sara ended up picking horse #2.

Deanna strides right to horse #2 and picks him. You think she knows something?

Dean also picks #2, and then it was Susan's turn. She's sure to pick the right horse, right? She picks #1.

Anyway, Steve explains the horses on display. Horse #4 was Levi, a lead pony. Horse #3 was Big Wagner, who's already in the American Dream Derby stable. Horse #5 was I Can Cook, who had a lifetime high Beyer of 81 - too good to be in the ADD stable, but not good enough to be competitive in any of the Breeders' Cup races. Horse #1 was a 2-year-old with a name they didn't bother to tell us. And Horse #2 was Kona Gold, 2000 Breeders' Cup Sprint winner.

Susan said she was going to look like a dork for picking the wrong horse. Well, um, yeah, that and other things.

As a tie breaker, the four players that picked him were asked to write down how much they think he won in his career. This is another takeoff on any number of "The Price Is Right"'s pricing games. LeVar's guess was best and he wins this OWNERS' CHALLENGE. He takes the usual suspects with him - Tara (C), Eric, and Sara. Dean is disappointed that he didn't get picked to go to the big house. I'm not; he just doesn't look as good in the hot tub as the ladies do.

The unlucky contestants not picked to go to the big house get stuck with more stable work. Alex rides them, but not as hard as on the last episode.

To fill in an extra minute, we get a profile on Tara C. She knows a lot about horses, but wants to know more about the racing side of them. She has an open mind about things.

In some down time at the stable, Chris volunteers to be put up for the GUTS MATCH, but he'd like to know which horse to pick. This is regarded skeptically by the others.

Meanwhile, at the mansion, Eric is really into Sara, but she thinks he's thinking more about the game. Because we can't have a reality show without copious amounts of alcohol, Eric gets sloppy drunk and says some silly things. LeVar confides to Eric privately that there's nothing between him and Sara and that she's been giving Eric as much attention as him. This somewhat comforts Eric, temporarily.

Chris gets a mini-profile. He's competitive, but is not a backstabber.

Meanwhile, our stable folk are ready to compete in the STABLE HAND CHALLENGE. The competitors race down a course on tricycles and the first to cross the finish line wins. Today's twist is that they have to wear some special goggles that simulate a horse's vision (their eyes on their sides and can't see well what's directly in front of them). And they're off! Deanna and Chris get the best breaks but both had their share of stumbles. Her last stumble was right at the finish line, but she doesn't cross it as Chris streaks by and wins. The owners get their usual opportunity to bet, but only Eric partook - by betting $5 on Susan. Fast learners these guys. Steve chides them for their lack of guts, but why make a stupid bet when you don't have to?

Chris should be happy he won, but he isn't. He cut so many deals with everyone that he finds himself in a bind. He'll have to do what he doesn't want to do. He talks to Dean, and since the wind was blowing out of the west at that time, he was leaning toward putting Tara (W) up. Dean warns Chris about her feminine charms.

Things are not great at the mansion either. LeVar thinks that Eric is more interested in Sara than the race. And that Eric is being played to advance her standing.

The story at the big house gets worse later when they're all together and Eric confesses that he's out of the loop. LeVar plays coy. Sara senses the pressure and heads for the nearest bathroom and has a good cry. LeVar thinks Sara is hiding behind the guys to save herself.

I think I'm going to take a break from the sit-and-scheme intrigue, so forgive me if I don't talk about it anymore.

Back to the Chandelier Room for the GUTS MATCH picks. LeVar picks Eric, and Chris picks... himself. Alex is on hand and tells us there are 9 horses available - the six who have already raced can't be picked again. Questions? Eric asks if Nigel No Mates can do well on dirt. Alex spends over a minute saying, essentially, "How should I know?" Chris asks an inconsequential question about an inconsequential horse with Alex giving an inconsequential answer.

Time for the picks. Eric selects Archie's Dream. Chris picks Regal Cruiser. Granted, we're getting near the bottom of the barrel here, but I think there were better picks. Susan didn't think much of Archie's Dream's chances. And LeVar thought Eric picked the wrong horse. But he bet the max on Archie's Dream anyway. Indeed, all the owners bet on Archie's Dream. All the stable hands bet on Regal Cruiser.

And they are off and running! No bumps, but Regal Cruiser got off to a slow start and was erratic. Archie's Dream pulls away in the last furlong and wins by 2 lengths. Chris leaves with dignity as Tara (W) cries at his departure. Must have been something we didn't see.

Next time, some people are unhappy, but Deanna is rubbing her hands in glee as she tries to stick the knife in someone else.

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