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The Surreal Life 4 - Episode 2 Summary

'At Least These People Aren't Breeding' By toddE
Original Airdate: January 16, 2005

This weeks episode begins with Adrianne and Chris planning to stage an intervention with El Borracho Chiquito, Verne. Verne seems amazingly spry after consuming mass quantitites, and admits that he can only remember "a little" from the night before. Which is exactly what Da Brat saw during the whizzing incident, a little, despite Verne's claims to Adrianne that his package is the size of her foot. Sadly, even if Adrianne had her feet bound since childhood, his package would only be comparable to perhaps her big toe.

Next, the housemates learn that they will be providing Day Care to small children. Verne is upset because of the adverse chemistry between him and little kids. My small dog also becomes nervous around children, so I can understand Verne's concerns. While saying this, Verne is drinking a mysterious beverage in a green can with a strip of electrical tape on it. This beverage appears to be called M________ De___.

The kids begin to arrive. First is William, toting a guitar and a sign saying that he has an imaginary friend. William is clearly my kind of kid. Sarah, who is proud of her hair, and Hannah, who becomes angry if her sandwiches have crust on them, are next. These girls must live somewhere with domestic help. Nicholas has a frog in his pocket. Is this frog alive? Sadly, we never learn. Next two children, one of whom is wearing a tutu and the other who is apparently Asian, at the door. But when the door opens, we see Wil, whose father is an attorney (well la-di-da) and Ryan, who needs a lot of potty breaks. These children are both Caucasian and neither of them is sporting a tutu. Kaleigh is afraid of the dark. Chris tells her "we don't have any dark here," proving that he has not spent time alone with Chynna, oops, I mean Chyna Doll. Next are Sage, who isn't fully potty trained, and Skye, who throws up a lot. She must be a regular viewer. Skye answered the door when Wil and Ryan arrived, but there is no sign of her tutu-wearing mystery friend. Verne makes Skye start crying, and she isn't going to stop. The last arrival is Lucy, our tutu-wearing girl, whose nametage says she cries easy. Lucy must have Skye's nametag because Skye simply will not stop crying.

Adrianne is the maternal martyr, going all out to entertain the children while the others take it easy. Jane offers the kids cocktails and sugar because she can't believe people would leave their kids with strangers. Jane, you are a Go-Go, you are no stranger to the 30-40-something year-old parents of these kids. Nicholas doesn't believe Verne is Mini-Me and they get into "Yes I Am, "No I'm Not" and Verne says that's why he is bald. But Emmanuel Lewis was also bald, and he's not Mini-Me, so I don't follow this logic. Wil starts crying for "Oompa" and Da Brat doesn't know why. She doesn't even bother to suggest "Loompa?"

Da Brat finally figures out that Wil wants his Grandpa, while Adrianne is "double fisting" kids. Don't let Verne hear that, Adrianne! Adrianne calls crybaby Wil's Grandpa while Chris and Da Brat criticize her efforrts. Some guy in a black track suit blips on screen occasionally, that is Markus Schenkenberg, clearly not an electric personality. Lucy's tutu is seen discarded on the floor. The girls find Jane's make-up and Jane's buried maternal skills come into play. Skye is still crying so she and her brother also exit early. While cushion-diving on the couch, Nicholas bumps his head and goes into a real screaming hissy fit. Nicholas is quite the baby drama queen, and his mom sounds a bit testy when she comes to pick him up. The other kids manage to survive the 4 hours, so our celebs earn $600. Now it's time to clean up. Verne can't help, despite Jane's attempt to pile trash on his Pride scooter, and Chyna Doll adds Lucy's tutu to her ensemble as the world's most frightening ballerina, making the night complete.

Oops! Not quite yet! It seems Ms. Laurer has not gotten enough attention and/or camera time, so she strips down to a bikini and goes to wake the others at 3:47 a.m. Chyna D. says "It's cruel, I know, I'm a Man. " Thinking quickly, she covers this faux pas by adding "Eater." She also offers the cameraperson a chance to "suck one." She concludes as the camera pans away sayin something like "shizzle is a razzle my nizzle."

Next week, our housemates go ranching. Chyna feels right at home, Jane walks away in protest over branding a calf, and Verne feels left out because he is too small to ride a horse and must go off into the sunset on his Pride (I can't help thinking of Bobby Hill's Rascal when he had gout due to overindulgence in purine-rich organ meats).

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