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The Real Gilligan's Island 1 - Episode 6 Summary

'Swings and Mad Money' By dabo
Original Airdate: December 14, 2004

badump-bump-bump badump-du-duuu badump badump...

Morning after Professor Pat got booted everyone slept in a bit. The island felt different somehow, a bit dumber perhaps, but not that much actually.

Thurston Glenn got up and immediately got into obsessive paranoid strategy mode. Well, he got votes after all, and it must be all Ginger Rachel's fault.

Ginger got up and complained that Thurston is already a millionaire, it is just crazy everyone is listening to him. Or some such nonsense. She'd rather they listen to her.

So, the two of them got on the swingset for a confab. Well, why not.

Ginger: "Let's get rid of the word 'Integrity.' You guys have your alliance."

Thurston: "But the Skipper is a wild card!"

Worried by his own realization, he then ran to have a strategy session with his wife, Lovey Mindy, who heard blah blah blah blah blah! She has gotten tired of all this strategy stuff, she's only interested in having a good time.

Meanwhile, Ginger met up with Gilligan Chris and worked him, worked him like only a movie star can. She put the idea in his head that he has been listening to Mr. Howell, not thinking for himself or, more importantly, listening to her.

So, of course, Gilligan got Mary Ann Kate to the swings to explain that he makes his own decisions, by golly. Mary Ann then worried that Ginger was getting Gilligan to think Ginger thoughts not Mary Ann thoughts.

So, of course, everyone got on the swingset. Ominous foreboding, huh.

Radio then called all the castaways, saying victory was in their reach and they should go to the beach for their next Reward "Event." Radio said "Event" but Gilligan, typically, flubbed up and called it a challenge.

Thurston, meanwhile, having strategized everything every which way possible, has decided he needs to psych out the other players, he must win this event at all costs.

Host Scott meets them all at the beach and explains the "event." Seems that the Howell's pocket change has landed on the beach finally, three locked crates each containing $5,000 in cash and coin. Really big cash and gold coin, as he shows them, none of it spendable since the 1920s, but who cares, Monopoly money is still money!

They have to pair up. One of each pair will be blindfolded, the other will be tied to the post, and the first pair to find their two keys buried on the beach and unlock their treasure chest will get to split the moulah.

Somehow, typically, don't ask me how, they end up paired boy/girl (Thurston/Lovey, Skipper/Ginger, Gilligan/Mary Ann) with the girls all chained to the posts and the guys all blindfolded to search for the keys. Lovey Mindy Dearest commented while getting chained that she usually enjoys it tighter, but host Scott wouldn't rise to the suggestion.

The girls all started yelling and the guys, especially Gilligan, all started stumbling around searching in the sand for their keys. Skipper began excavating, not having fully grasped the concept that they weren't supposed to be trying to dig to Iraq (or whatever is on the other side of the world). Meanwhile, Thurston and Gilligan scraped, feeling for their keys.

Thurston found a key but not having fully grasped the concept kept scraping in the same spot for another one, allowing Gilligan to catch up and move on to try to find the next key. Even so, it was a race to the finish, but poor Gilligan and Mary Ann prevailed, they get to split the unspendable five grand!

Meanwhile, Skipper had a very good start on a beach basement and was convinced he would be the next Survivor Rupert. But he was upset he'd let down Ginger.

Thurston, upset at having lost the moulah, watched helplessly as the poor kids celebrated their victory.

Later, in the "dipping pool," Mary Ann commented on how awesome it all was. She now has more than $6.00 to her name, she's going to go on a shopping spree! Lovey, having been influenced by Thurston's strategy obsession, then suggested the two of them give Gilligan a gang massage. Honestly, I'm not making this up.

It turns out Gilligan, now having half a five grand in his pocket, wants out of the alliance. He confronts Thurston, Thuston blames Ginger for putting ideas in the dear boy's head, warns the kid about the Gingers of the world. But he was getting a gang massage out of it, how bad is that!

Ginger vowed to get Gilligan to think for herself instead of for Thurston blah blah blah blah blah! So, of course, Thurston panicked and went into, you guessed it, strategy mode.

He confronted Ginger about trying to turn everyone against him. She was unmoved so he went to Mary Ann, who ended up believing "Alliance is huge!"

Later on Thurston and Ginger watched a pair of mating praying mantises, and Ginger explained how the female eats the male after the matinee. Thurston said he wouldn't mind that at all. Weird, huh.

So, of course, Skipper made Gilligan a new shirt, an anchor with "Gilligan" etched in some font I couldn't possibly duplicate. So, of course, then Thurston worried Skipper was working Gilligan, and went babbling more strategy stuff at Lovey, who complained it was getting to all be overkill and she just wanted to have a good time.

Blah Blah Blah!

Next morning Thurston went out and caught a fish. An actual fish! Lovey then beat the fish on a rock in order to kill it really really really dead. Hey, she was surprised it was still alive, out of water and all, it was the fish's fault or something for suprising her like that.

Skipper was P.O.ed, only in harsher language. Darn that Thurston for having a fishing strategy to fall back on, that was supposed to be his job! He shouldn't have spent so much energy on the beachfront basement, you ask me.

So, they ate the fish, eyeballs and all, and treated it like a Thanksgiving although Thurston strategically realized it was someone's Last Supper.

Radio then called them all to the lagoon for the next Safety "event." Is it just me or does Radio sound a lot like Scott?

At the "Lagoon" they discovered this challenge would be a timed obstacle course. Scott explained that they would zipline to the water, swim to the platform, cross the semi-submerged"log," swim some more, climb the cargo net, whoever had the best time would win the "Safety Ring."

Thurston went first and dropped trou while swimming, but he wouldn't let that worry him, he desperately wanted "Safety" because Ginger was gunning for him. He posted a respectable (and desperate) 43:12.

Lovey went next, much to Thurston's concern, because she was a high school boy's team baseball standout. She managed to prove during her run that you don't need a malfunction if you have the right wardrobe to begin with, the PTC complainers are examining the video frame by frame to try to find something on her you can be sure. Unfortunately, she came in behind Thurston at 44:47.

Skipper went next. Hey, you thought the beachside basement concept was funny, you should watch Skipper trying to run this obstacle course! Old time silent movie fatso comics would have loved to have turned in this comedy performance, it was genuinely a gas! He toughed it out, though, and managed to finish at 2:06:00. Smart, actually, why would anyone want to vote him out after that!

Then Mary Ann took her turn, in her least sexy as possible two-suit, and posted a 49:47. Gilligan went next, and really seemed like he might win it, till he Giliganed off the balance beam to end up with a 45:81. Leaving it to Ginger.

Ginger, all actress and model, really went to work, and her two-piece made Mary Ann's two-piece seem the second rate it is. She almost outdid Lovey's one-piece in proving malfunctions aren't really all that necessary. But in the end she posted a 43:47, giving Thurston the win. She felt like a trapped chicken because of that. Honest, that's what she said!

Thurston was happy but worried that they might try to get him tomorrow since they can't get him today. Don't you love when they get all paranoid like that!

Strategy stuff followed, the Howells decided to dress up to the nines for Voodoo Village. What that was about I haven't a clue.

Thurston worries about swing votes but Mary Ann decides not to try to influence Gilligan. He's been wavering from the alliance, trying to influence him at this point is not smart. She's no Ginger after all, getting him to think the way she wants instead of the way Ginger or Thurston wants isn't coconut pie in her world.

Ginger, meanwhile, also got all dolled up, walked around in her gown and high heels, and told everyone to look at how ridiculous she looked. Well, she actually really meant only for them to look at her.

So, then they traipsed off to Voodoo Village, where once again Scott had them go vote off one of their own with no real Tribal Council session.

Thurston went first and voted for Ginger, the most dangerous remaining castaway to his strategy, but he said it was nothing personal. Then Ginger votes (unshown), Skipper (unshown), Mary Ann (unshown), Lovey (unshown). And finally Gilligan votes for Lovey, saying he is thinking for himself (as opposed to thinking for Thurston or Mary Ann or Ginger or Skipper).

So, Scott tallies the votes:
Mary Ann (say wha...?)

Ginger is voted off, throws her voodoo doll into the fire and makes a dramatic movie star exit with a big speach and everything.

Skipper explains he voted for Mary Ann becuase he wouldn't vote for Lovey just to get at Thurston, that would be dirty pool and he believes in the integrety of the game. THE FOOL!

Thurston, meanwhile, laments. He voted off Ginger but now realizes she could have been one of his greatest allies.

Well, whatever.

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