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The Rebel Billionaire - Episode 7 Summary

'Marrakesh Express' By cqvenus
Original Airdate: December 14, 2004

Get it? Marrakesh Express? From Dope Wars? Oh, forget it.

Oh my heck. This is cq, and I just wanted to let you know that with our restructuring, the Marrakesh episode has fallen into my lap. The only way I could be more excited would be if I were actually there. Think AbFab when Edina and Patsy spent three days lost in the desert. Good times.

Last time, the challenge sucked but the girls won. That guy left. That other guy stayed.

The contestants arrive. Two girls are talking aabout Candida not liking her. Sara says Nikki and Erica are mean to Candida. Candida calls Nikki and Erica the “Brunette Bully Brigade.” I’m so proud of her. Amazing alliteration.

Candida chooses the opposing team leader. She chooses Nikki. They pick teams. I think that’s what they did. Thank goodness. Estee was bored with the girls vs. guys format.

So they make new teams. Teams are now Candida, Steve, Gabriel, and Heather.

And Nikki, Erica, Sara, and that other dude. The Mormon. Shawn.

They go to meet people in the royal palace of the king of morocco. And cq is incredibly jealous. Especially because she knows they’re hiding the hookah from the view of the camera.

Gabriel drools over the belly dancers. Richard carries one around in true “I have so much money, I could buy this country” fashion.

The challenge is that each team is being given one unfinished suite in an unfinished hotel to make it look all nice and stuff. I think they get $5,000 each. So people will want to stay there. The winning team’s room will stay that way forever. Gabriel isn’t too keen on this. He says he can’t decorate.

Candida is worried b/c they have to install electric, furniture, etc. and none of them speak French or Arabic, and the market is an hour away.

Candida doles out assignments. We need lamps, wateralls, mirrors, etc.

Fox is freaking out on cq’s tv. Something with the digitalitificationalization. It keeps stuttering. I just want you to know that it sucks so much more to watch a show when you know you’re one of five people watching, and the thing keeps glitching.

So I missed a whole bunch of stuff. Basically, the teams are scrambling to buy stuff and get stuff done.

Candida says everyone is grabbing her. If one more person grabs her, she’s gonna scream. Can’t blame her, because she’s enduring a lot of grabbing and not getting a whole lot of accessories purchased.

At market close, Candida’s team has purchased only a bed.

The teams have 18 hours left, and it appears the BBB team is much farther ahead. cq hopes this is an editing ploy to make the outcome a complete shock, because she’s not a fan of the BBB so much.

Richard says today’s challenge has the purpose of seeing how the teams overcome barriers in a foreign country.

Candida’s plan is for her and Steve to negotiate and buy things in the market. Gabriel thinks Steve is going to do a good job, but Candida isn’t a good negotiator, so will slow him down. Her teammates discuss how they can get her to hang back and “overthrow the leader” so they can get more things done at the market.

Steve says Candida’s negotiating strategy is something like “pretty please give us a good deal,” and that isn’t going to work in Morocco.

No time, no money. Team Candy is hurting. Steve is getting frustrated with Candida. She’s on the phone, asking about some fountain or another and he says they have neither time nor money. He goes “aaaaaaaaaaah!” to his phone after she hangs up, then apologizes to the Moroccan merchant.

Team Nikki hired painters. And things were great. Until Shawn moved a ladder with paint atop it and splt paint all over the floor. Now Shawn thinks if they don’t win, he’s going to be the one on the chopping block. Nikki says she doesn’t even have time to be angry. So she opts for clean now, freak later. It’s really no big deal, though, because the floor appears to be tiled, not carpeted. That’s something, at least.

You’ll be pleased to know that the digitaliziationificationism has been repaired on FOX, so I no longer feel as bad about being one of five viewers, and having to stick it out through the beeps and stutters just for you, my faithful readers. Are you there? Hello… hello… hello…

Since it’s commerical time, and I’m pretty bored with this episode, let’s play “Who Should Win?” We have no threads on this. Notice how little we care about these people that we really don’t even have a preference. That just occurred to me. I have to say I liked Candida the best after her performance last week. She was the only one who didn’t seem to think selling Erica was kosher. I dislike Steve. I dislike the BBB. I don’t care at all about Heather, Sara, or Gabriel. I like Shawn, but know he’s a klutz and a tool. Did I leave anyone out? If I did, they’re probably going to be the winner. Their strategy? UTR. Hey, it works on Survivor. But I didn’t leave anyone out. So who should win? Post your thoughts here. I know I’m interested. And maybe four other people are, too.

So, the teams are scrambling. Big surprise. Richard arrives at 5 pm, and both teams are still frantically working.

Team Candida’s room is pretty okay. Richard goes in and says it is okay, but looks pretty studenty. He isn’t really impressed.

Team BBB’s room seems to impress him much more.

I think they both look kind of crappy. I really don’t care about either. I think they’re thoroughly *yawn* unimpressive. And not at all what they could’ve done given the money and the gorgeous things found all over that market.

So, Candida’s team lost. And she has to choose someone to go against her in the elimination challenge.

I have to say, people, that if this were Survivor, the editing would point to Candida’s leaving this episode. The other two team members suggest she take Steve, because he’s playing dirty. Steve suggests Gabe, based on the notion that Gabe staged the coup against her and wasn’t carrying his weight or whatever. Steve says via confessional that Gabe is his “best friend” and he’s “not stabbing him in the back,” but thinks if Gabe goes against Candida, “there’s no way he can lose.” Yeah, keep talking that good stuff. I’m sure Gabe will forgive you. I don’t. Steve’s suck-o-meter: |---------/| is on full.

Richard asks who Candida chooses. She still hadn’t decided. Ultimately, she chooses Steve. Richard asks her to explain how she decided that, and Candida explains that he’s been hurtful in past challenges, through tears.

Today’s challenge requires the person to choose someone else to work with. Steve chooses Gabe. I guess this means Candida gets Heather.

Gabe and Heather head off into the desert via horse, while Candida and Steve hang back. Richard doesn’t tell them what they are supposed to be doing at all. Candida tries to have words with Steve, but he doesn’t want to hear it. So they aren’t speaking.

Heather and Gabriel are to guide their partners to find them with a walkie talkie only by memory. Candida tells Heather she has to find her so she should start explaining.

Gabe gives horrid directions about thinking he was headed into the sun. Heather’s directions are worse. “It looks like the edge of the Sahara, and the village is sorta off to the right…”

So they head out and Gabe starts giving good directions. At a fork, he sounds confident in his decision to tell Steve to veer… I don’t know. Right or left. Who cares?

Heather now seems to be giving better directions, but who knows?

Steve opens his letter (with further instructions). So now Richard is at one of 5 locations, and Steve has to find him. So he has the helicopter to be able to get to those places.

Candida gets there a few TV minutes later. So Heather remembers Richard’s words from the beginning of the show where they were when he told them to pay attention, because they’d need to learn as much as they could. Candida decides to “take the gamble” and head that way. I? Fail to see how it’s a gamble any different than any other gamble, seeing as he’s already headed out, and there’s a 1 in 5 chance of picking the right place, anyway. Then there’s even less of a chance if you both go in order… Okay, I’ll stop now. It’s commercial time, anyway.

Oh, I get it now. Candida says they passed up a bunch of places first, so that’s the gamble, because I guess they’d have to go back?

Anyway, they’re flying in helicopters. The boys have checked 3 places, and they didn’t see him. The girls were right. Richard was on top of the whatever (Riad?). The boys can’t find him. The girls climb down the ladder in the middle of a sandstorm. It looks fun. Scary, but fun.

The boys get there and climb down. Now the race is on to navigate through the streets and find the hotel. The girls are running. Steve says he knows exactly where they are. The girls made it first! Hooray! The boys are still not there yet. The guys arrive, and now Steve feels he has a good chance of being sent packing. One can only hope.

Erica isn’t sure who he should pick. Candida sucks, but so does Steve. Shawn says he thinks Steve should go. Steve says Candida should go. Well, duh. Thanks, Captain Obvious.

They hug. And Steve tells Candida to kick some butt, so I guess Candida won. Hooray! Steve sucks. So Richard says although Candida has her faults, she’d be a better team leader since Steve is sheisty.

Goodbye, Steve. The tribe has spoken.

Next time: Japan.

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