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The Joe Schmo Show 2 - Episode 8 Summary

'Do The Pepto-mint Twist' By Esbea
Original Airdate: August 2, 2004

Note to SPIKETV: This season has been hilarious, however, someone in your scheduling department needs to consider this: 1) could you possibly pick a suckier time to air this show? 11:05???? 2) yo...its on after wrestling 3) the re-air conflicts with the sucky timing of The Amazing Race. I mean, really now...if you can air MXC 17 times a week, you certainly can come up with a better time slot for some Schmo-age. Think about it.

Previously on JS2: There are summaries up all over this board, go read them. Frankly, if youre not following along, reading this one summary isnt going to help you out this late in the game.

Episode 7 begins with the producers reminding everyone just how “dangerous” this show still is. Are you wearing your safety glasses? Tim, Amanda and crew walked in on Bryce and TJ having fun after staging a public fight about Everett (RIP Everett). What are you people, NUTS? If they figure it out, no one gets paid, so watch your step! He also congratulates Ingrid on how well shes picking things up. Shes destined for a career on the stage. Look out Meryl Streep, Ingrid’s on your heels. Ingrid looks like she just wants a long nap and some serious drugs to forget what will become for her, a national nightmare. I cant imagine this is going to help her negotiating skills at the UN, but thats just me.

Back at the mansion, Ingrid and Amanda surf the breakfast buffet and discuss Cammy’s “dim”ness, and how Austin must not see it. Obviously, he cant see past the basketballs that have been glued to her chest.

Flash to a nearby hotel room, where Tim is having his “exit interview”. He says that Austin couldnt see that he and Piper really had a connection, looks into the camera and tells Piper to get his number from the producers and give him a call sometime. Riiiiiiiight. Im sure she’ll do that right after she gets the bathroom painted in the house she hasnt bought yet, and gets her future pet spayed. Tim says he wouldnt do anything differently, that he played the game true to himself. He was happy to have spent time at the mansion drinking beers with fun people. There is a knock at the door! Lo and behold.....its DEREK! He tells Tim that a suitor is getting kicked off the show for violating the rules, and that Piper wants Tim to come back. Would he? Piper loves him!!! How could he deny her anything? Tim is so eager to get back, he doesnt even want to pack, he asks Derek for a ride back to the mansion. Derek turns his back on Tim and tells him that one of the production staff will take him back to the mansion. Tim blushes and runs to pack.

As our other contestants eat breakfast on the patio, Bryce tells the gang that he wasnt suprised that Tim was booted, because he can tell what Piper is thinking. TJ nearly gags on his granola. We hear a sound in the distance....can it be? Why yes it is! Another banner! This time from Tim, saying that his Irish eyes are still smiling. Bryce is visibly annoyed that Tim ripped off his idea. Amanda goes for a post breakfast beer and sees Tim walking onto the patio. Everyone is excited to see him but Bryce, who looks like he wants to spit on him.

Derek appears, backed up by a rent-a-cop, to explain Tims return. He says that someone has violated the rules and is going to be asked to leave the show. Montecore has been found dead...the victim of foul play. Derek asks Bryce if he has anything to say. Bryce stammers something about being grateful to “whoever” did it, that Montecore had it coming. I submit to you ladies and gentlemen, this is a serious case of “CYA”. You well know that Bryce is about to get the boot, but my many hours of Law & Order training are paying off here. There is someone else who had motive, means and opportunity. Moreover, no one on this show hated Montecore more than...yes, Ill say it....Derek Newcastle, Pompous Host. J’Accuse!!! *Blink*...oh wait....where was I? *ahem*

Ah yes, Bryce. Derek claims they have footage on the security cameras of Bryce leaving the house and heading toward Montecore’s trailer. (and excuse me, but, the friggin falcon has its own trailer?! To itself!?) Tim is OURAGED! He repeatedly asks Bryce if he “killed the fbleepin bird”. Bryce says he left the house because he was thirsty. Amanda, who is sitting on the chaise behind Bryce, is, at this point, covering her mouth in horror and is nearly curled up in the fetal position in order to get as far away from Bryce as she can without getting up. Why, incidentally, do you think it is that she wouldnt get up? Shes probably one of those stupid chicks who, when being chased by a serial killer, would run into the woods in high heels. But, I digress.

Bryce declares his innocence and says that he wants to talk to Piper. He doesnt want her to be upset and have to bring him back again. Derek insists he has to leave, Bryce insists on seeing Piper, and Tim is flipping out, and Fetal Amanda looks ready to cry. Tim stares in disbelief as Bryce tells Derek that the show is about Pipers love life and Bryces love life, and hes not leaving until he gets a chance to talk to Piper. Finally, Derek says that he knows where Piper is and that he will take Bryce to see her. As they leave, Tim calls Bryce a freak and taunts him. Amanda tells Tim to shut up! Cant you see the guy is unstable? Hes already killed Montecore, and if you antagonize him, whos to say you wont be next? Out of sight of the players, Bryce starts screaming for someone to take their hands off of him, he wants to see Piper, he didnt kill the bird, and hes NOT crazy. Im tellin you now, this dude needs a real acting job. Granted, he will be playing the freaky stalker type until he retires, but he does it SO. WELL.

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