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The Casino - Episode 7 Summary

'Once More Into the Breach' By Fishercat
Original Airdate: July 26, 2004

Previously on The Casino
No high rollers came into The Golden Nugget
Ren and Stimpy bashed each other’s heads in with mallets
CQ came up like a trooper and did the summary in a time of need

Also the episode begins with more of last week over the amazing Vegas landscape. We saw one of the white males on the show, by the name of Matt Dusk. Not shockingly, after his amazing experience in the showroom, he will never see that showroom again. He is denied his show, and really, who cares about this storyline? Another white male singer not getting out of obscurity but trying to because he is on a reality show. Oh, yeah, Tommy’s bitching again about being in the Pit with his arch-nemesis Monique and a bunch of older and more experienced dealers

Now, I have to give the 9th level of hell its props. The Theme Song is very catchy, in fact, it is by far the best part of this God forsaken show. It reminds me a bit of this Foxwoods’ commercial in New England, with “The Wonder of it All” jingle. It’s one of the better commercials up here, which really says a lot about New England’s local commercial selection. Anyway, is anyone getting real sick of the “What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas” slogan? I saw the commercials about 9,384 times during the World Series of Poker re-runs. We get it, if a guy has sex with a transvestite in Vegas, and the Fox cameras don’t catch it, it is secret. OK, fine. Did I mention we are only 2 minutes through the show? My god.

(I would like to put a note here, that my rant on the jingle and me liking it? Pure bullshit. It is the most annoying thing you’ll ever hear.
Take a chance …
make it happen…
pop the cork…
finger snappin…
spin the wheel…
round and round it goes…
life is good…
life is sweet…
grab yourself a front row seat…
*pounds self into submission*)

To begin the actual meat (spam) of the episode, we have Dennis and Roy arrive to speak with Ren (Tom) and Stimpy (Tim) about bringing their classy, elegant, and professional show to the Golden Nugget. Long story short, Dennis and Roy are promoting T&A Bowling, Stimpy looks at the porn and is hesitant until he hears the words “player list”, which intrigues him. Stimpy seems very concerned on the ridiculous cost (I think I missed the actual cost, what was it, 75k?), but Ren wants to stand up for himself and make a decision, so he says yes. Really though, what would have happened if he said no? We’d have no episode and it would make all 74 viewers happy, but nope, Burnett likes to torture us.

Just to get everyone updated on what actually happens here
-Girls come in clothed with short skirts and shirts (silicon included).
-Girls bowl with High Rollers
-Manager gets paid 75k for bring the girls in to flaunt themselves and gamble.

5 minutes in, 800 brain cells dead from the beginning of the show.

Oh my God! Matt Dusk is back! Guess what! He doesn’t like how his job is going! The sky is blue! I am fat! I am tired! I hate this show! Wooooooooooooooohooooooooooooo.
Speaking of repetitive stories, Tommy is going up to Stimpy and Maurice (talent director or something. You get a prize if you can identify him) to complain for a job as a host. I figure he is going up there for a ##### too, since to have this many opportunities must involve some sort of sexual satisfaction and a family member in the business. Maurice says Tommy is a natural for the job and Stimpy agrees, Tommy becomes entry-level host…again. BTW, I am now opening my own table in the Golden Turd. Namely, I put on odds for events in this show, and people bet. We all have fun.

Fishercat’s Casino Table
Bet #1: When will Tommy lose his position as Host?
Episode 8: 3:2 odds
Episode 9: 4:1 odds
Episode 10: 8:1 odds
Cancellation before job is lost: Even

Bet #2: When will Matt Dusk get an actual gig?
Never: 1000 : 999 odds
Before cancellation: You can own the casino if that happens

Bet #3: When will Stimpy have his first heart attack?
Episode 9: 4:1
Episode 10: 3:1
Episode 11: 2:1
Episode 12: 9:8
Cancellation will happen before heart attack: Even

Anyway, back to the show, or even better…THE COMMERCIAL BREAK!!!

-The Casino is brought to us by AOL, which proves that crap CAN defecate.
-AOL commercial (9.0 with virus protection for e-mail, just like Yahoo)
-Models wear Kmart clothes, 2 commit suicide
-Hidalgo DVD (Amount of advertised DVD’s I won’t buy: 1)
-Valtrex (Medicine commercial that gives no purpose for taking the pill)
-Visibly Firm (Shampoo? New Viagra?)
-KFC commercial (KFC says their food costs half as much as a local restaurant. Great marketing, fast food costing somewhat near a normal good restaurant)
-Malibu Complex commercial. People bitch and build houses. Sounds like a Fox Reality Show ©

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