Alright boys and girls, are you ready to see the sexiest, most exciting Temptation Island yet? Well, I think you’ll have to wait a few more weeks, this week was pretty tame. However, I think we’ve got some good potential so let’s get started!
First we should actually take a moment to learn everyone’s names, as I’m tempted to call them things like “Tattoo Angry Guy” and “Man Whore”.
Stephanie and Anthony: She’s a pretty brunette who seems a bit shy. He’s a short guy with deep set eyes here to have some fun. Kara and Jason: She’s smiley and she’s got a big nose. He’s huge and angry and covered in tattoos. He’s a massage therapist. Scariest.Massage.Therapist.EVER! Kristin and Eric: She’s blonde and cute looking. He’s tall and doesn’t look too bright. Both from Farmville. (Farmville?) Melissa and Michael: She’s a beauty queen with brown hair. He’s blonde and talks like he’s been hit on the head.
And we’re off!
Boy’s Island We get a taste of last week, including the Jason/Single Jeff confrontation. Then the guys find out from host Marky Mark that they have chosen their girlfriend’s first date. Single Jeff laughs in Jason’s face. Then the guys get to see their first dates, chosen by their girlfriends. No one looks too happy, especially Michael’s date, who looks like she’d rather go out with Marky Mark than date Dumbass Michael (and that’s saying something!). After the meeting, Jason goes and rocks on his bed.
Girl’s Island Jeff and Kara meet and he smoothes over the crap with Jason. We then get a voice over of him saying “He might be scared ‘cause now it’s more of a challenge for me. I love challenges!” Guys like Jeff love to “save” girls like Kara from jerks like Jason. And he’s not bad looking, Kara and her nose should really give him a chance!
Kara and Jeff’s Date They go on a boat ride. He gives her a massage, she tells him it’s better than her massage therapist boyfriend! Ooooooo, that’s gonna come back to haunt Jason. Jeff foreshadows that Kara will leave this show as a single. Kara says “I can’t imagine anyone having a bad date!” Fade to… Jason’s Date He is miserable. They hike up to a gorgeous lagoon, the same type that Catherine and Edmundo both got horny and whorey in last year. They go back and have lunch. He freaks out about everything while his date falls asleep. “Dude, I swear this is f***ing mayo. This water tastes fishy!” Wow, I want to shoot myself just watching this date. That poor poor single girl.
Anthony and Tiffany’s Date Whitewater rafting followed by a lunch with Anthony talking about his girlfriend Steph. Tiffany is understanding, because, as she puts it “He should be worried, Steph is out with a really hot guy right now.” Ouch. Stephanie and Derrick’s Date Steph gets fun and dumb all in one with Derrick and she is loving it. Derrick says “We were letting free on the jet ski.” Wow, letting free. That sounds… well, dumb, but fun! Derrick also says he hopes that Steph finds what she’s looking for (preferably down his pants!).
Kristin and Ryan’s Date They swim with the dolphins. Ryan seems like a nice guy, pretty smooth too. Not much excitement though. Eric and Maria’s Date They swim with each other. Maria said the water is warm when she got in. Eric said he was nervous when she got it. (Eeeew, did Eric pee the lagoon?). Their date is as nice and lacking in excitement as Kristin’s. Yawn.
Melissa and Ian’s Date Melissa’s got a date with a young cutie. He’s 23 but he looks like he’s still in highschool. And she’s into that! He gives her a massage. Tells her he’s never dated an older woman. She takes her top off. It’s all good. Michael and Tanaya’s Date Tanaya gets to sit on Michael’s lap. Over and over and over, as they go tubeing. Although she flirts a lot with him, this girl looks like she is in serious pain on their date. She figures out that if he likes her, she’ll say for a while. Michael says she’s playing coy. What? He’s hoping she’s going to come right out and say “Do me now, you blonde god!” After she doesn’t yell this during lunch, he figures he’s gonna have to help her out and says “I’m giving you the go-ahead” for whatever she wants. She tells him she’s easier when she’s not drunk. (Note: Foreshadowing)