As the scenes from last week roll, we are shown Jesse being the doofus of the year by calling Katie instead of Karen.
NOTE TO JESSE: Before going on national TV please be sure you know the name of the women you want to date. I have heard that Ginkgo helps with memory loss. You might want to try some soon!
As the show begins, Chris calls all the women to the living room for an announcement! This week there will be 2 group dates and an individual date. What Jesse didn’t know was that when he was handing out the impression rose, he was determining the girl that would get the first individual date! Trish was the recipient of the impression rose. The girls will find out about their group dates as the date boxes arrive. To our surprise, the first date box arrives at the exact moment the announcement is made. I wish I could get my deliveries when I needed them!
Mandy goes to retrieve the box. The box is wrapped in what appears to be tissue paper with a ribbon. The box is about 2 feet by 2 feet and doesn’t contain what I was hoping for. I was hoping it could be Eddie from Playing It Straight! The girls could get him drunk and let him strip to his skivvies and get in the hot tub. Oh wait, I have already seen that but it was worth revisiting!
As Mandy brings the box into the room the ladies scream that little cheerleader scream that high school girls have made famous. The ladies tear off the ribbon and the paper and open the box. Before anyone has a chance to see anything in the box we have the high school girl scream (HSGS) again. The box contains a hand written invitation that says, “Jessica B., Karen, Katie, Mandy, Tara, Celeste and Julie are invited to spread their wings and fly to a winter wonderland. I will see you soon. XOXO Jesse” HSGS!
So, Jessica B. Karen, Katie, Mandy J., Tara, Celeste and Julie are in the first group date. Second group date will consist of Jenny S., Jessica H., Suzie, Amber, Kristi, Anne-Catherine, Mandy and Jean Marie. Trish will go on her solo date with Jesse!
Jesse arrives looking very sexy with his gelled hair; faded jeans and a yellow long sleeve T. He says they are going to Lake Tahoe to go sledding and TUBBING. I have never tubbed in snow…almost sounds kinky!
NOTE TO JESSE: You big ole football playing lug you; you are going TUBING! You are going to get on an inner tube not an inner tub!
We are shown the spy with BLUR in place and she is saying that no one knows she is a friend of Jesse’s and that she is going to tell him everything. OK, I am going to digress for a few lines.
Questions for ABC:
1) Why tell us there is a spy and hide her face from us? Wouldn’t that be a great surprise for the ladies and us as we see it play out?
2) Why hide her face from us? I could care less what she looks like. As soon as he picked her last week, why not show us her face?
3) Did you think you could fool us for a couple of weeks and the public not put two and two together and figure out who the spy was? WE ALREADY KNEW WHO SHE WAS ANYWAY!
Ok, back to the show!
They fly into Lake Tahoo and arrive at The Resort at Squaw Creek. If you have not been to Squaw Creek…GO! It is a beautiful place! Anyhoo, we see them having fun as they are tubbing, oh wait it is tubing! They are tubing and drinking hot chocolate. Tara is shown in a confessional saying, “Jessica B is getting a rose.” As we are shown footage of Jessica riding on Jesse’s lap as the tub (tube DAMMIT! I am so confused) down the mountainside.
Jesse pulls Katie aside for some one-on-one time. Jesse says that he is impressed with the way she handled the name-calling thing and that he is looking forward to get to know her better.
Meanwhile, back at the mansion, we see all the beauties lying out by the pool. Trish has had enough and can’t take the butt cover any longer…she HAS to have her thong! She goes in and changes, comes back out, lies down and says that she doesn’t want to go out on her individual date with a white a$$!
In a confessional, Trish announces that she can’t see herself with kids and the white picket fence. She says that sometimes people are shocked by her beliefs.
NOTE TO TRISH: My little tart dumpling, you’re beliefs do not shock me! You’re stupidity really puts the icing on the cake! You are abrasive, harsh and sometimes rude…not to mention stupid! I will give you a little more insight to you’re stupidity a little later! You have some better things in store!
Now it is nighttime and Jesse ends up in the hot tube...no no tub with the little darlings on the group date. Jesse takes Julie over to their private hot tube. (tub, see, I really am confused) This little cheerleader is all about family, wanting to have 4 children. She wants at least one girl and one boy. She wants her boy to play football and her little daughter to be cheering for him. She has life all planned out except for one huge thing…A MAN! She wants Jesse to meet her parents and like OMG the valley girl is out of the bag!
Back at the all lady house everyone is just sitting around the kitchen. When Trish decides to give the ladies the secret to success and happiness. Her words of wisdom to Jenny S. about being a mother, cooking and cleaning are:
“You know what sweetie, you just marry rich, and you order out, you get a nanny, you hire a trainer and BOOM!”
Trish continues to talk about dating guys with money and how they are great people with great contacts. That is what she is looking for and she will not settle for less!
NOTE TO TRISH: After being on national TV and letting everyone see what an arrogant, mindless, money grabbing, dumbass you are, the single rich men have been warned! Doing a little good service work for you, I will build a Web site for you to promote yourself. It is currently under construction but can be found here www.trishisamoneygrabbingwhore.com.