15 women who have picked Adam as their Prince Charming are being swept away by him. We are fed with the obligatory recrap: Women flew far and wide to meet this Average Joe and are picking up where Melana left off…we see the women arriving, and are told that 4 women went home, but really why rehash this when you can read Estee’s brilliant summary here: Episode One Summary
“I feel like a celebrity” gushes Summer and we are shown sweeping shots of the swimming pool, tennis courts, and woah…a golf course. All these amenities must be why the girls get sent home on a bus and not a limo. The women must’ve been given gallons of coffee before touring the house, because they can’t stop jumping up and down. They gush over the bathroom, ugly bedspreads, the lamp, the carpet, the spot on the wall…and what’s this? In the millisecond that the women have known each other Tracilee announces: “I hate all of those catty witches. I’m here for.Adam.Only. Why do I need friends when enemies are so much better?” As Tracilee is telling all of America how much she hates all of her new roommates, the other women have discovered these god-awful pictures of Adam growing up. (Obviously Adam didn’t read the fine print on his contract that said being humiliated by Melena wasn’t enough, they had find another way to do it and get a cat fight scene in the process of the humiliation.) Rachel declares that she and her roommate won the war of the photos and have a baby picture of Adam and is enshrined on their nightstand.
Big Bear Mountain Starring: Stephanie, Rachel, Summer, Heather, Elizabeth, Christine and Rochelle
The screeching stops and without warning we see Adam snowboarding down Big Bear Mountain like he was Johnny Mosely at the last Olympics. Adam questions: Do I pursue them, or do they pursue me? I’m beginning to see perhaps why he wasn’t chosen by Melana last time around. We get to see shots of the girls attempting to snowboard, and one of them –Rochelle is terrified to get on the dang board. Trying to get in Adam’s good graces Rachel helps her out, and subtly, or not so subtly as it turns out, looks to see if Adam is watching…he is and he’s on to her game, and wishes that the girls would stop wanting his approval for everything little thing they do.
The girls really get into snowboarding, we are shown shots of them spinning, tumbling and falling, and well you get the point. Then comes the barrage of confessionals: “I’m normally the one who dates 20 guys” and “What do you mean you haven’t made a snow angel before, you weirdo?” and my all time favorite: “I really wasn’t drunk, I just didn’t have anything to eat.” (Cut to shots of her bumping into things.) (Did anyone else have a flashback to the scene of Amber saying that on that other dating show with Andrew Firestone? Or was that just me???) “My dimples are real…..I want to experience a lot of firsts with you, and add this one to the stalker category: “My boyfriend is someone who I’ve only seen on tv….”
The Hot Tub Date
Now we’re off to the main purpose of the date: the mandatory hot tube scene, **cough, cough**I mean one on one, get to know you better, cause friction in the house date. The hot tub girl for tonight’s date is: Rachel The hot tub date starts out pretty normally, with a lot of aimless chatter, then right before my very eyes I begin to think I’ve accidentally switched channels and am watching Fox, because the cat fighting has already begun. Christine and Anna’s conversation goes something like this:
Christine: Rachel is such a Media Ho. I can’t believe he chose her over me. What is wrong with that guy? Anna: ummumblemumblemumble (shut up you b!tch) Christine: I like, totally hate her. She knows everything about him. She must be the mole. Anna: Whatever….
Back to the Hot tub
After watching Adam fail miserably at opening a bottle of champagne, Rachel decides enough is enough and takes matters into her own hands, and announces: “We’re going into the hot tub now.” Adam stalls for time by doing…push-ups. Push-ups? Dude, you have a girl waiting for you in the hot tub and you do push ups first?
Back at the B!tch session:
Christine: I really, really, really, really don’t understand this. What’s wrong with me? I still don’t know why she was chosen over me. Aren’t I beautiful, wonderful and all that? Didn’t you feel the connection between us? “Anna, Anna? What’s wrong with you? Why aren’t you answering me? I need you tell me that I’m going to be here next week.”
Anna: Oh…are you still talking? I drifted off there for a sec. Whatever you say girlfriend. I have your back…
Back at the Hot Tub….
Rachel, not one to be put off by push ups goes in for the the must-have hot tub make out scene.
Adam: Wow, those coyotes howling sounded a little like Christine...but I must be imagining things.
Rachel It was a fantasy date come true…I had to go with the moment, I don’t care that all those other ho’s hate me now. There’s no way I’m getting sent home now.”