A set of introductory "previouslys" brings us up to speed: we are supposedly at the home of the Maloneys, with Mom & Dad Maloney in the process of finding a girl for son Daniel (maybe even a bride, or perhaps just someone willing to lay with Monkey Boy long enough for him to lose his virginity. Given that he looks over 21, it's about time, right?)
The show began on another night (which I didn't see, so please don't send messages asking for Part 1) with a much larger group of girls. Tonight's episode of "Meet My Monkey Folks" begins with a quiz to test the intelligence of the 5 who remain. It's one of those Jokey Quizzes, except not.
Wink Martindale from Tic Tac Dough is here! Woo! (rolleyes) He administers the test that proves America is wasting its money on public education. These girls would have been better served by home-schooling by a high school dropout who was "interested" in general world affairs. Most of the girls get at least one of the answers wrong.
How many states are there? Some think 52. When was the war of 1812? I missed whether anyone got this one wrong but dollars to donuts, one probably did. What is the first letter in pneumonia - one girl wrote "a" No. of days in a typical year? There were wrong answers along the lines of 348 or 368. The Miami Vice show was set primarily in which state - California was one answer Name two faces on Mt. Rushmore - they focused mainly on Stefanie, one girl who got it right.
Stefanie & Tawny finish in a tie, and to win a date with The Son who bears more than a passing resemblance to Neanderthal Man. They are going to spend the date in the backyard, probably because it's easier to find Junior if he wanders away. The tie-break question is "How many miles from here to Times Sq. in New York?"
Stefanie says 3000, Tawny says 25,000. The correct answer is 2879. Tawny's answer is the correct one if the question were what is the distance from Earth to the Moon.
The minute the quiz is done, the fax machine starts up. Shannon tells us she hates the fax machine - perhaps she has a reason to fear it? Foreshadow, foreSHADOW, FOReshADOW.
The note says, Dear Mom & Dad - Stef has volunteered her time to work for Mothers Against Drunk Driving. Phew. So little b!tch Chelsea has a bitchy moment to whine. She wishes a nice thing had been conveyed about all of them. If they can, Chelsea, only if they can.
Jim Maloney, the Dad, gets the girls to come have some more fun in a room. It looks like it will be a celebration, but no it's more of a surprise party, and not a good surprise. Who are these guys? Ex-boyfriends of the five girls.
The girls are instructed that they are not to say anything, unless Mom or Dad ask them. The exes are here to supply dirt to the extent possible. Each girl takes a turn to sit in front of the group with her ex, as he tells his tale of woe at the hands of the little bi!ch beside him.
Stefanie's ex-fiance says she called the police on him and he spent a full day in jail.
Dominick is Shannon's ex. He says she is completely monopolising of you, and has trust issues. She hacked into his computer or his bank's computer (or something!) to learn how he spends his money. She confronted him one day about whether he enjoyed the "strawberries and milk" he'd bought the night before. Mom says it sounds like Shannon has a problem.
Tawny's ex Matt says she is a nightmare. She left something at his house and he hands over her handcuffs. Daniel says he hopes she'll use them on him. The boyfriend answers Mom & Dad that it was fun (playing with Tawny and the handcuffs).
Ryan is Chelsea's ex, and he says she is really into her image. (So which of these little tramps ISN'T?) She'll go to bars and lead guys on so that they will buy her drinks. She'd go out with guys who were better for her image even though she didn't really like them.
Lisa introduces Sam as her "really good friend." He doesn't bite. He goes, "Yeah we dated." She's a bit of a homewrecker. She's got a nice new sports car, after they bought her a house. (They? Who is "they"?)
The Son says he doesn't want to end up with a psycho or a liar so it looks to me like this whole batch is out.
A present for Mom arrives - flowers. Card is from the producers, telling Mom & Dad they have 15 minutes to eliminate one of the girls. They are to give the flowers to the eliminatee. She is to be accompanied by her ex to her room to pack.
Son and Folks get to have a private confab. He tells them he wants to keep Chelsea. Tawny is also okay doing her thing. Having put in his two bits, Son leaves and Folks discuss amongst themselves. Let's take a moment to notice how these Folks look. Dad looks like a dad, with a grey, perhaps even white, beard. He is medium build, slim, nice-looking older guy. Looks like he'll make some gal a good grandpa for her kids.
Mom looks like a total b!tch. She's a little overweight, not fat or obese, but lumpy. She sure doesn't dress like someone who has a lot of money. The house they allegedly live in is one of those villa-type places. Lots of rooms, lots of interesting creature comforts like hot tubs, a backyard swimming pool, big grounds. I know that Dad is named Jim, but I never do hear Mom's name. (turns out it's Julie - what a waste of a pretty name.)
"Easy decision," says Dad to us. Earlier in the game it was harder, not knowing so much about the girls. But this particular decision was much easier. But he tells the girls that it was a hard decision.
Dad tells Shannon she is going and gives her the flowers. She gets hugs from the other girls and goes off to collect her bags, which she apparently already packed. She's crying and saying she felt betrayed. She thought she could trust her ex to be honest, but he wasn't. She leaves bawling. The ex is saying "i'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." He looks like a major wimp - what did he think, his little manoeuver would make her want HIM back? Still, good riddance to her. She tells us she doesn't think she's a bad person. Some ludicrous song is playing as she finally leaves.