Tarek El Moussa has opened up about how he "did not want to be alive" and lived in a halfway house after his divorce from ex-wife and former Flip or Flop co-star, Christina Hall.

"When my ex left me, man, I went to some soul-searching places," Tarek, 42, revealed during the Monday, January 8, episode of the "Jeff Fenster Show" podcast.

"I actually lived in a halfway house. This is my first time sharing that. I never shared that before."

Tarek and Christina, 40, separated in May 2016 after seven years of marriage, but the former couple didn't publicly announced their split until December of that year.

When asked why he had moved into a communal home at that time, the Flipping 101 host said, "I didn't trust myself to be alone."

Tarek added, "That's how bad I was."

Tarek said he "hit rock bottom" in the 10 months after his initial separation from Christina, and during that period of time, he filed for divorce in January 2017.

"The reason I ended up there [in the halfway house] is because I didn't know where to go and I needed 24-hour care," Tarek shared.

"It was pretty bad because I had lost everything, it felt like, overnight. And there were so many things going on."

He noted, "I did not want to be alive. It was that bad... It took me years to get over my divorce."

Tarek said he went through that emotional breakdown believing that life isn't fair. But once he accepted the fact that life is filled with adversity and challenges, he turned a corner in his mental health battle.

"The second I said, 'Life is not fair,' that was the beginning of me rebuilding my life," Tarek said, adding, "That was a defining moment for me -- the word "fair."

Tarek and Christina ultimately finalized their divorce in 2018.
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Their breakup came three years after Tarek was diagnosed with "two completely different types of cancer," thyroid and testicular, which he explained had an immense impact on his mood, physical health and behavior towards others.

"That was a terrifying experience... I gained 60 pounds on national TV," Tarek recalled.

But the house flipper and father never quit, and he said he continued filming Flip or Flop through both of his surgeries to treat his cancers.

"It was pretty rough on me... All of my hormones were off and my levels were off. I was dealing with anxiety, panic attacks, depression, and I had highs and I had lows. I was manic... and I was living in turmoil for years. And ultimately, that turmoil led to divorce," Tarek explained.

"And looking back, you know, I wasn't the best guy. I wasn't the best husband. I definitely wasn't the best father, wasn't the best son, wasn't the best friend, and I wasn't the best human."

Tarek and Christina share two children together: daughter Taylor, 13, and son Brayden, 8.

Tarek acknowledged how he underwent many different treatments -- including testosterone injections -- that made him "short tempered" and "impatient."

Tarek confessed, "It ruined me," before elaborating of his health crisis, "My life was a disaster... but when you're going through that hell, you don't even know you're going through it."

While Tarek clarified there are "no excuses" for treating people poorly, he shared, "I was going through a lot at the time."

The HGTV personality noted that his life "has been filled with so much pain," but he's used that pain as "fuel" over the years to continue accomplishing goals and becoming a better man.

"I lost my way, and I worked so hard to get it back," Tarek said.

And now, Tarek gushed about how he's "so grateful" for his life and "everything" he has, including his wife Heather Rae El Moussa.

Heather and Tarek met in July 2019, got engaged in July 2020, and tied the knot in October 2021. They welcomed their son, Tristan Jay El Moussa, in January 2023, and currently co-star on HGTV's The Flipping El Moussas.

"Through all this hell and misery and turmoil and all this nonsense I've been through all these years, today I am happier than I've ever been," Tarek insisted, pointing out that fans can read more about his struggles in his upcoming memoir, Flip Your Life.

Christina, meanwhile, moved on from her divorce from Tarek and wed Ant Anstead in December 2018.

Christina -- who subsequently starred on Christina on the Coast and Christina in the Country for HGTV -- welcomed a son, Hudson, with Ant in September 2019.

Christina and Ant broke up in September 2020 after nearly two years of marriage, and they finalized their divorce in June 2021.

Christina got engaged to Joshua Hall in September 2021, and they are currently married after allegedly having a secret wedding.

About The Author: Elizabeth Kwiatkowski
Elizabeth Kwiatkowski is Associate Editor of Reality TV World and has been covering the reality TV genre for more than a decade.