Hannah Brown opens up about "defeating" and "grueling" time on 'Dancing with the Stars' after reportedly crying backstage
By Elizabeth Kwiatkowski, 10/30/2019
Hannah Brown is opening up about her "defeating" and "grueling" Dancing with the Stars experience like never before after she reportedly cried backstage following her performance on Monday night's show and some tough love from the judges.
According to a source, Hannah broke down and cried after she danced with her professional partner Alan Bersten on Monday night and was told by judge Carrie Ann Inaba she had "disconnected movements" and needs to show her heart in order to truly shine in the Season 28 competition, Us Weeklyreported.
"Hannah was crying a lot last night offstage," the source told Us, adding that it seemed like the 25-year-old former The Bachelorette star and beauty queen was upset about "more than just the show."
It was unclear to the source, however, what exactly was wrong with Hannah.
However, Hannah chose to dish on her mental and emotional state in a lengthy Instagram post on Tuesday.
"This experience has been harder than I could have ever imagined. When I decided to do DWTS I thought it would be a fun way to channel all my energy after a whirlwind experience as the Bachelorette," Hannah captioned a series of photos from her Dancing with the Stars rehearsals.
"I was hopeful that the confidence I gained this year to take pride in the woman I have become would have the opportunity to shine, and I'd feel that reboot in my spirit after it took a bit of a beating after my bachelorette season. I came into this experience a little broken and confusedâ€”more than I've shared."
After getting dumped by Colton Underwood on The Bachelor's 23rd season, Hannah starred on The Bachelorette's fifteenth season and got engaged to Nashville-based country singer Jed Wyatt, only to dump him five weeks later because Jed had lied to her about his dating history.
Jed initially told Hannah that his romance with ex Haley Stevens ended one week before taping commenced, but Haley told People in June that Jed left Nashville to film the show in March still dating her.
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"Everyday has brought its challenges with my past, my fears, and the uncomfortableness of opening myself up again to be judged on something VERY scary like learning a new skill to perform each week," Hannah admitted in her Instagram post.
"Last night was really defeating for me and a lot of suppressed emotions started to surface from this amazing, but grueling experience. I want to be me. I want to be real."
"I feel my best when I feel like I have the opportunity to share my heart with others," she continued. "But I know that's been lacking in what has been seen on DWTS. It's true there is a disconnect. I am busting my ass. I am giving this my all. It's my focus and passion right now."
But Hannah said for some reason, she falls "flat" each week she takes the stage with Alan.
"I've gotten to the point of being so anxious before I perform that I can't completely enjoy it like I wish and know I could. I KNOW I have a lot more I can give. I want to be able to feel free and confident to dance with my whole heart. I'm working on getting there," Hannah shared.
"I'm not throwing a pity party. I can take criticism and understand hard work...and I also know that my attitude has to change to rise above this slump I'm in. But this is real life. These are real emotions. It's okay to be grateful and positive, while also acknowledging the hard days we all have."
Hannah explained that while it's important to "think positively," it's also important to "acknowledge and feel all the feels."
"This pressure to pretend is not good for anyone. That's how this crazy cycle of perfectionism continues to exist in a lot of us. I'm blown away by the support I see and feel from all of you who love me through it all. So thank you -- here's to another opportunity to grow. See y'all next Monday!" Hannah concluded.
Although Hannah and her partner Alan haven't exactly been frontrunners in the Dancing with the Stars competition, Hannah continues to improve each week from a technical standpoint.
Hannah and Alan finished in fourth place on the judges' leaderboard with a total of 52 out of 60 points on Monday night's show.
After dancing a jazz routine to "Bad Girls" in which Hannah was dressed as a dead beauty pageant queen -- a routine which received 25 out of 30 points -- she performed in a team dance with other cast members that received an additional 27 out of 30 points.
After Carrie Ann told Hannah the world wants to see more of her layers and rawness, Alan pointed out to Dancing with the Stars co-host Erin Andrews, "Hannah is incredible but she's a bit insecure... She has no reason to be insecure. She is such a beautiful, hardworking person."
The next Dancing with the Stars broadcast will air on Monday, November 4 and feature an all-new "Dance Off" round, and one more couple is expected to be eliminated from the Season 28 competition.