Anna Duggar reveals decision to leave or stay with husband Josh Duggar in 'Jill & Jessa: Counting On' special
By Elizabeth Kwiatkowski, 12/21/2015
Anna Duggar has confessed her husband Josh Duggar's cheating scandal has been like "a bad dream," so does she intend to wake up and leave him?
During Part 2 of TLC's three-part Jill & Jessa: Counting On special on Sunday night, the mother of Josh's four children admitted she was "shocked" to discover in August Josh had cheated on her and developed an addiction to pornography.
"My first reaction really was denial. I was really hurt that someone would think that about my husband, because I really thought that everything was okay and that we had a strong marriage," Anna said in the episode.
After all, Anna had enough to handle when Josh's "teenage mistakes" -- molesting a handful of girls, including his own sisters Jill Duggar and Jessa Duggar, over a decade ago -- came back to haunt them in May. Anna had learned of Josh's past before they wed in 2008, but it was still extremely difficult to watch her husband's personal problems splash across national headlines.
"I knew that my only hope was to cling to my faith, because I know that if I went off of what I was feeling, I would turn a mess into a disaster," she explained. "I knew we needed help, and I was just praying that God would give us the help and the wisdom that we needed to take the next step."
Anna confirmed in the special that Josh is currently seeking help at a Christian recovery program thanks to his own doing.
"It was something that Josh decided. He really felt that he was at a place where he needed a lot of help," Anna said.
In the meantime, Anna has been living at Josh's parents' house with her four kids. She misses Josh because of happy memories they shared together, but she also experiences a "wide range of emotions."
"When your world is shattered, there are a lot of emotions that you have to walk through. I think initially it was just crying and crying and crying, and then you get to the place where you can't cry anymore and then you get up and you start to go on with life, and then you start crying all over again," Anna said before briefly pausing, as if to choose her words carefully before continuing.
"I know there are those that feel I have every right to walk away from this marriage, and I respect other people's views. But in my heart, when I got married, I vowed to God first and then to Joshua for better or for worse, till death do we part."
Anna said in the episode that God has an "unfailing love" for her and has forgiven her for "so much," so she wonders why she shouldn't forgive someone she loves.
"I pray through all this that I would be an extension of God's love to Joshua and that I would love him and forgive him and that I would wait patiently and allow God to work in our hearts. My prayer and my heart's desire is for our marriage to be restored," Anna explained.
Anna also has the support of Josh's family, who apparently have all taken her side. Josh's betrayal "devastated" Jessa and her husband Ben Seewald, and the news prompted Jill to just want to cry with Anna because she can in no way relate to her situation.
The next part of Jill & Jessa: Counting On is set to air Sunday, December 27 at 9PM ET/PT on TLC.