The Bachelorette alum Jason Tartick has admitted he's barely surviving his breakup with ex-fiancee Kaitlyn Bristowe and goes through "tidal waves of depression" on and off.
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"The lows that I've experienced in the last few months have never been so low," Jason, 34, confessed on the Monday, August 21 episode of his "Trading Secrets" podcast.
The Bachelorette alum continued, "I feel fortunate saying this at 34, but the grief that I have experienced in the last, like, few months is the hardest grief I've ever experienced in my life. And I know when I say that at 34, that I am so lucky that a breakup with a fiancee is the hardest grief I've ever experienced."
Kaitlyn previously revealed that she and Jason failed to prioritize their relationship and that they weren't "choosing" each other on a daily basis.
However, The Bachelorette's Season 11 star said no one was at fault and no one is to blame for the demise of their relationship.
"Kaitlyn has been in L.A. working this week, so I've been lucky enough to have the boys with me and it has been just a true blessing," Jason said, referring to their shared dogs Ramen and Pinot.
"I just think through this time and it's like, honestly, we talk a lot about careers and money here, and that is a huge foundation to our life, but it just comes down to relationships, friendships and those who are around you."
Jason said that even though Ramen and Pinot are just "animals and pets" they are "best friends" to him.
"Just having them with me has been amazing. Having a great support system [in the] last month to few months has been everything to me," Jason shared. "I've leaned on them harder than I've ever in my life -- ever -- leaned on my support system."
And Jason said he's been going to therapy regularly, and will continue doing so.
"I actually can't wait... I need a session so bad. But what I've realized is there's no timeline for handling grief. Being in love with someone and losing that someone, it's just sad," Jason admitted.
RELATED LINK: 'THE BACHELORETTE' COUPLES NOW"It's lonely, and it's an empty feeling. And there's times where you have these just tidal waves of depression, but then there are these times where, like, you feel lifted and you feel good again. It's just this back-and-forth flood of emotions."
Jason told his listeners that he's learned "grieving is just the whole process of honoring, respecting and having love for what was."
The former banker continued, "But then also, at the same time, with the same level -- and if not more -- honoring, respecting and having love for what is."
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Jason, who is currently living "down the street" from Kaitlyn in Nashville, assured his fans he's going to "get there" with work, time, support, friends and family.
"I'm healing and all the things, so as I move forward with my next step, I'll be in a short-term rental, and then I will be in the process of looking through real estate. I've actually already started that journey... and I need to figure out something quick here," Jason teased.
Jason promised to keep his listeners in the loop as he receives more information and crunches numbers while he goes through that real-estate search.
Overall, Jason noted he's been feeling "a little bit better" post-split from Kaitlyn and he's just been focusing on where he's going to live.
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"I feel like the foundation that I'm on right now, it feels like quicksand, if you will, and I'm just trying to make it like a beach sand, where it's still hard to walk but it's not sinking."
Jason said he's committed to healing and putting back together the pieces of his life. He even skipped a recent boys' trip to Saratoga, thinking drinking and distractions wouldn't help him.
"I'm just giving myself a lot of attention, my mental health a lot of attention... So, little baby steps and we're getting there," Jason shared.
Kaitlyn, for her part, attempted to begin healing from the breakup by taking an eight-day break from social media, which she recently admitted had definitely contributed to the demise of her relationship with Jason.
During the August 17 episode of her "Off the Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe" podcast, Kaitlyn explained how social media can destroy a relationship.
"You're always feeling like you need to show everybody how happy you are... and it's all amplified with social media," Kaitlyn told her podcast's guest, The Bachelorette 13 star Rachel Lindsay.
Kaitlyn went on to reveal, "I truly think part of the reason Jason and I have not worked out is social media played a part in that -- not like cheating or anything, but just pressures or feeling like we're putting on a performative show."
Kaitlyn said "losing money" with social media to "keep your sanity" is the best thing to do.
"Bachelor world, of course they watch you fall in love and they watch you go through this, and they do feel entitled to keep up with you. And I do feel a responsibility to share that.... and I really loved sharing about it," she noted.
But Kaitlyn concluded "Now I'm like, 'F-ck it, I'm not doing it anymore!''
Kaitlyn revealed on her podcast last week how her mental health "hit rock bottom" after her split from Jason but she's been leaning on family and friends for support.
"Not being on social media has really helped [me heal], and I'm scared to go back. I think the noise will be gone a bit, when I'm back, and then I will be very cautious of what I'm looking at and taking in," Kaitlyn said on her podcast's August 15 episode.
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The former The Bachelorette star also said her current dynamic with her ex-fiance is amicable and has nothing but love and respect for him.
Kaitlyn and Jason never followed through with planning a wedding after their engagement, which raised eyebrows and eventually prompted breakup speculation.
Breakup rumors began to swirl in July because Kaitlyn and Jason hadn't posted anything about each other on Instagram for about a month. Jason also took a solo trip to see his mother in New York in late July, and he posted photos with his dogs during a fun day out in Nashville -- but Kaitlyn didn't participate.
And when Instagram users flooded The Bachelorette alums' comments with questions and concerns about the status of their relationship, neither Kaitlyn or Jason responded.
Kaitlyn fueled speculation her romance was on the rocks -- or over completely -- when she took to Instagram Stories on August 1 with an angry message.
"I cannot believe the audacity of people to expect things from me when I haven't even been able to process things for myself," Kaitlyn wrote, according to Us Weekly.
Needing to "process things" seemed to suggest she and Jason had split up and called off their engagement.
The Dancing with the Stars 29 winner continued, "Have a f-cking heart. You're scaring me with your comments and demands. I'm almost worried about YOU."
Kaitlyn quickly deleted the post, but screenshots of it still exist online and in her "Off the Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe" podcast group on Facebook.
Kaitlyn subsequently uploaded a permanent post on Instagram featuring lyrics to her 2020 song "If I'm Being Honest," which suggested she wasn't ready to tell her story.
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While Kaitlyn and Jason breakup rumors were circulating, Kaitlyn's first fiance, her The Bachelorette 11 winner Shawn Booth, announced he's going to be a dad with a woman named Audrey "Dre" Joseph, who had taken professional and promotional photos of him and is a member at his gym.
Kaitlyn and Shawn were together for about three years and announced their split in November 2018.
Jason, who initially competed for Becca Kufrin's heart on The Bachelorette's fourteenth season in 2018, asked Kaitlyn out on their first date in January 2019, and their romance moved quickly.
Jason moved from his place in Seattle, WA, to live with Kaitlyn in Nashville, TN, in June 2019, and then the couple adopted their two dogs together. Jason then popped the question in Spring 2021.
In June 2022, Kaitlyn told Us that she and Jason planned to start trying for a baby right after their wedding. (But now that Kaitlyn and Jason are over, she confessed that she's "terrified" to have kids and doesn't know when it will happen for her).
Earlier this year, Kaitlyn explained in the media how she and Jason had been distracted when it came to wedding planning and were in no rush to exchange vows.
When asked about her nuptials on the February 5 episode of "The Most Dramatic Podcast Ever with Chris Harrison," Kaitlyn confessed with a laugh, "We suck."
"Honestly, any time we sit down to talk about [the wedding], we literally want to do something else," Kaitlyn said of her former dynamic with Jason at their home in Nashville.
"And that sounds so terrible because it should be a priority, but it doesn't feel like one -- and we're both okay with that."
Chris, who hosted The Bachelor franchise for nearly two decades, assured his friend, "That's all that matters," and Kaitlyn agreed.
"I feel like there's so much noise, like, 'Why aren't you guys talking about the wedding? Why is there not a wedding happening?!'" Kaitlyn shared.
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About The Author: Elizabeth Kwiatkowski
