The Bachelorette alum Kaitlyn Bristowe has opened up about how she's "really scared" to return to social media after taking a break to heal from her Jason Tartick split.
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The Season 11 The Bachelorette star shared how taking a break from social media -- and all of its critics and trolls -- has been healthy for her, especially since her mental health "hit rock bottom" after announcing her engagement had ended on August 6.
"I was really scared of media outlets or fake storylines or trolls from people who don't get it, with the breakup, and I was always so worried about what it was going to be," Kaitlyn explained on her podcast.
"But if I'm not consuming it, it doesn't matter -- because those people don't even know me."
Kaitlyn said she's been receiving love and support from family, friends and even strangers.
"Not being on social media has really helped [me heal], and I'm scared to go back. I think the noise will be gone a bit, when I'm back, and then I will be very cautious of what I'm looking at and taking in," Kaitlyn said.
"I just feel like focusing on myself and my mental health right now, and tuning out the noise is important."
But Kaitlyn went on to reveal "the hard part" of going dark on social media.
"I'm still committed to my businesses! [They are intertwined]," she noted, before adding, "I am committed to my podcast and to my wine label and to everything."
Kaitlyn, however, said her team has been helping her and the group has been "really great" during this time.
"They'll send me positive messages... and I'm just so grateful for that," she said.
RELATED LINK: 'THE BACHELORETTE' COUPLES NOWKaitlyn also revealed on the podcast what went wrong in her relationship with the "Trading Secrets" podcast host.
Kaitlyn said she and her ex-fiance failed to make each other -- and their relationship -- a priority and so they slowly grew apart.
"We haven't been choosing each other," Kaitlyn admitted. "We haven't."
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Jason is currently living "down the street" from Kaitlyn in Nashville and they're both taking care of the two Golden Retrievers they had adopted together during better times: Pino and Ramen.
Kaitlyn insisted the breakup was mutual and no one is at fault or to blame for the demise of their four-year relationship.
The two-time The Bachelorette co-host also said her current dynamic with her ex-fiance is amicable and has nothing but love and respect for him.
Kaitlyn previously referred to her split from Jason as "painful" and "heartbreaking."
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Jason also got audibly emotional when recording the introduction to the August 7 episode of his "Trading Secrets" podcast.
Kaitlyn was then approached by TMZ at the Los Angeles International Airport on August 8, and she confirmed that she was doing "fine" and keeping "very busy."
Kaitlyn and Jason never followed through with planning a wedding after their engagement, which raised eyebrows and eventually prompted breakup speculation.
Breakup rumors began to swirl in July because Kaitlyn and Jason hadn't posted anything about each other on Instagram for about a month. Jason also took a solo trip to see his mother in New York in late July, and he posted photos with his dogs during a fun day out in Nashville -- but Kaitlyn didn't participate.
And when Instagram users flooded The Bachelorette alums' comments with questions and concerns about the status of their relationship, neither Kaitlyn or Jason responded.
Kaitlyn fueled speculation her romance was on the rocks -- or over completely -- when she took to Instagram Stories on August 1 with an angry message.
"I cannot believe the audacity of people to expect things from me when I haven't even been able to process things for myself," Kaitlyn wrote, according to Us Weekly.
RELATED LINK: 'THE BACHELOR' COUPLES NOW: WHO DID 'THE BACHELOR' STARS AND THEIR BACHELORETTE PICKS ACTUALLY END UP MARRYING? (PHOTOS)
Needing to "process things" seemed to suggest she and Jason had split up and called off their engagement.
The Dancing with the Stars 29 winner continued, "Have a f-cking heart. You're scaring me with your comments and demands. I'm almost worried about YOU."
Kaitlyn quickly deleted the post, but screenshots of it still exist online and in her "Off the Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe" podcast group on Facebook.
Kaitlyn subsequently uploaded a permanent post on Instagram featuring lyrics to her 2020 song "If I'm Being Honest."
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She continued, "And if I'm being honest / I'm not always as tough as I seem / And I can have my moments / But words can get the best of me / And the words that I say to myself / Are the ones that hit the hardest."
Kaitlyn had also uploaded cryptic posts on Instagram in recent weeks about self-improvement, saying she needed to "toughen up" in order to "fight the noise."
And in mid-July, Kaitlyn suddenly got three tattoos to represent her "what is my life" era, and she was spotted without her engagement ring on a beach vacation.
While Kaitlyn and Jason breakup rumors were circulating, Kaitlyn's first fiance, her The Bachelorette 11 winner Shawn Booth, announced he's going to be a dad with a woman named Audrey "Dre" Joseph, who had taken professional and promotional photos of him and is a member at his gym.
Kaitlyn and Shawn were together for about three years and announced their split in November 2018.
Jason, who initially competed for Becca Kufrin's heart on The Bachelorette's fourteenth season in 2018, asked Kaitlyn out on their first date in January 2019, and their romance moved quickly.
Jason moved from his place in Seattle, WA, to live with Kaitlyn in Nashville, TN, in June 2019, and then the couple adopted their two dogs together. Jason then popped the question in Spring 2021.
In June 2022, Kaitlyn told Us that she and Jason planned to start trying for a baby right after their wedding. (But now that Kaitlyn and Jason are over, she confessed that she's "terrified" to have kids.)
Earlier this year, Kaitlyn explained in the media how she and Jason had been distracted when it came to wedding planning and were in no rush to exchange vows.
When asked about her nuptials on the February 5 episode of "The Most Dramatic Podcast Ever with Chris Harrison," Kaitlyn confessed with a laugh, "We suck."
"Honestly, any time we sit down to talk about [the wedding], we literally want to do something else," Kaitlyn said of her former dynamic with Jason at their home in Nashville.
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Chris, who hosted The Bachelor franchise for nearly two decades, assured his friend, "That's all that matters," and Kaitlyn agreed.
"I feel like there's so much noise, like, 'Why aren't you guys talking about the wedding? Why is there not a wedding happening?!'" Kaitlyn shared.
"And it's like, 'I don't need to prove my relationship through a wedding.' I don't know, I just don't."
RELATED LINK: 'THE BACHELOR' FRANCHISE COUPLES NOW: WHO IS STILL TOGETHER?? (PHOTOS)
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About The Author: Elizabeth Kwiatkowski
