Dean McDermott is apparently done with his wife Tori Spelling's emotionally-charged reality show True Tori on Lifetime.
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"We have five more shows left. I can't do this anymore," the Chopped Canada host, 47, told Access Hollywood on Wednesday, according to Us.
"I can't keep opening a vein, opening my soul and sharing my feelings and thoughts and demons with the world. I don't watch it. I can't. It's really difficult. I can't do it anymore, for my soul."
After Spelling, 41, discovered McDermott had been unfaithful while away on a business trip, he checked himself into rehab to fight his history of depression and substance abuse issues.
"The fact that I cheated on my wife, I wish never happened," McDermott reportedly said of his one-night stand with a young woman named Emily Goodhand. "I wish my alcohol and drug use hadn't gotten out of control. I still love her to death and that's why we're still together."
But during the times Spelling wavered on whether to forgive her husband, McDermott admits to having had suicidal thoughts.
"I almost lost everything, everything that means anything to me. I don't want to ever do that again. I don't ever want to be in that dark place again where I wanted to take my life," McDermott said, according to Us.
"I was driving around in my truck with a loaded 9 mm. I was put on a 5150 at the UCLA psych ward. [My son] Liam had a performance and I didn't want to miss that performance... I had plans that night to do it."
However, McDermott has since made changes to his medications and is reportedly trying hard to stay sober in order to save his relationship with Spelling.
"I hold out a lot of hope," he told Access Hollywood. "If you don't have hope what do you have? I love this woman, regardless of what I've done. I love her and want to be with her. I want to grow old with her at this moment she feels the exact same way."
Besides the cheating scandal, Spelling and McDermott reportedly also have major financial issues.
About The Author: Elizabeth Kwiatkowski
