"It was so hard not giving Natalie a rose," Mesnick wrote in a blog entry posted on People.com the day after the episode's airing. "I picked it up because I wanted so badly to give it to her, but put it down because I knew I couldn't."
Prior to telling Natalie that she would not be receiving a rose after their whirlwind one-on-one date that featured a private jet to Las Vegas, a helicopter tour and a private musical performance, Mesnick picked up the rose and held it in plain view of the bachelorette as if he was about to hand it to her.
However, after pulling the rose back and eliminating her, Mesnick was yelled at by Natalie, who accused him of teasing her with the rose had been that she had been eliminated.
Mesnick wrote that he understood why Natalie was mad, and even drew comparisons to his own memorable rejection on The Bachelorette when a conflicted DeAnna Pappas let him get down on his knees to be begin proposing to her before telling him she was rejecting him in favor of Jesse Csincsak.
"Now I have a bit more understanding for why DeAnna did the very same thing to me," he wrote. "I have been through this process before, so I know what it feels like to receive a rose... and what it doesn't. It starts with disappointment, but as time moves on and on, there is only more hurt involved."
Mesnick also downplayed the insults directed at him from Natalie after she had gotten into the limousine following the date.
"He's an idiot," Natalie told the show's cameras inside the limo. "He's probably intimidated by me. I mean like just because he's 'Jason' what did he want me to do [be] like 'Oh, Jason' [and fawn over him?]"
"I'm not mad, I just think it's odd," she continued. "I don't mean to sound conceited but [censored] like, I mean I got a lot going on. I'm super-attractive. You don't feel a connection with me? Who do you think you are, God?"
"Yes, she called me names. And that never feels good. But everyone takes rejection in a different way and I don't blame her for how she was feeling," Mesnick wrote of Natalie's insults. "Natalie is a beautiful girl and will have all of Chicago waiting for her."
As for what he has learned from the show as its star instead of simply being one of the suitors, Mesnick commented on the difficulty that came with being the one who decides whether or not to offer a rose to, as well as the realization that making one bachelorette happy meant disappointing one as well.
"In the end, I've learned that it isn't always better to give than to receive. Accepting a rose always puts a smile on a womanâ€™s face. But each week, I have fewer and fewer to give. And making one woman smile may put another in tears."
However, Mesnick did reference of one of the bachelorettes that he did make smile last week.
When speaking of his one-on-one date with Stephanie Hogan, a 34-year-old medical marketing representative and single mom from Huntsville, AL, and her daughter Sophia's birthday party at Legoland, Mesnick said he had to fight the temptation to bring his son Ty along on the date as well.
"I missed him more than ever at Legoland. He would've loved to be there with Stephanie and her daughter, Princess Sophia," Mesnick wrote. "But, I felt it was so important to protect him from being confused or hurt during this process. I promised myself that I would not introduce Ty to any of the women until I knew I was truly falling for them."
The next episode of The Bachelor will air on January 27 at 8PM ET/PT on ABC.
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