Once upon a time, in a far away land called LA, we meet four frogs, (AKA: Ryan (Prince Poet), Greg (Fresh Prince -- you'll understand later), Russ (Prince Ego), and Charlie (Prince Slick). They are about to depart the Animal House, and live on their own until Princess Trista decides who she will choose. However, before departing the house, the Frog Handler, (AKA: Chris the Host) imparts some not so subtle words of wisdom on them. Saying that they will no longer be living there, but they will return to LaLa Land in a few days, and then the Princess will choose only 3 and offer roses. And the day of the rose ceremony, just happens to be the Princess's 30th birthday, so "don't be stupid" and make sure you show up with a gift" to win over the Princess.
But first, the Princess must meet all of your families in their hometowns. so off we go.
Rocky Mountain High First visit is to Prince Poet in Vail, Colorado. He is a fireman by trade, so first stop in town is the Fire House and his buddies there. Poet says that one thing he uses to judge his women is sliding down the fire pole. So after a few lessons, the Princess tries it, and according to Poet, she does it perfectly. (for a second, I thought I was seeing pole dancers at a strip club, instead of the Bachelorette on Disney-owned ABC. But I digreess ...)
She spends quite a while with the men, and even cooks lunch with them. During this time, Poet has a great nano-second of insight. He is being philosophical about this dating situation, and how he wants the Princess to see him for who he really is because "you can't give up yourself otherwise you are somebody completely different." (wow ... deep!)
It's time to leave, and the other firemen, give Poet some support and say "Whatever happens, you still have us." (Awwww, is that just so sweet, or sick and disgusting, I guess it depends on how you want to interpret that statement."
Next stop is a place called the "Wedding Deck" (yes, seriously. What is up with these two and weddings, first they see three weddings in progress now the "wedding deck". I'm sure the Princess sees this as a good sign). Which when they arrive, just conveniently has a blanket, and wine waiting for the lovely couple. On top of the sickeningly sweet name for the spot, the Princess delivers and equally sickening line about Poet "to watch a beautiful sunset is good, but with a beautiful man is even better." They then toast to living once, and taking chances (I swear if I hear that line one more time, I will gag, and then beg ABC to get better writers.) Then, we get to witness some serious lip-locking, please come up air some time.
Final stop in Vail is to meet the parents. First the Princess says that she doen't like her outfit, but what she had packed wasn't appropriate (do you think it was just a little to cold there for her too show as much cleavage as she usually does?) So she opts for a cream colored sweater instead. Well, when she meets Mom, they are wearing the same sweater, just in a a different color. (The wardrobe department must have caught a 2 for 1 sale on that sweater.)
The conversation seems to go well, but Mom tries to nail the Princess with the why did you go on two different shows to find a man. The Princess answers "That you only live once ... so why not go for it, if the end result is love." (the gag reflex has now kicked in ...) Mom and Dad do not like it when she says she is more of a warm weather person, because that means Poet might be leaving them. Poet then talks privately with Dad and asks what he thinks. Dad says she is nice, but they need an opportunity to build a relationship in a more normal setting (Come on Dad, you don't think that this is a completely normal dating environment? It is "reality" TV after all.) Next scene is more lip-locking and cuddling. The Princess then must leave to visit the next frog.
A Mouse in the Big Apple The Princess arrive in New York. Her carriage (oh wait, sorry that was a motorcycle) and Fresh Prince arrives. They take a ride through Central Park, and stop in the middle of it, and drink hot cocoa out of wine glasses (huh, wine glasses for cocoa? Probably the only clean dishes at his apartment, but we'll deal with that later.) The Princess has not spent a lot of time alone with Fresh, but she wants to get to know him better because of his eyes and his looks. (If that's the only reason, this relationship will last, not.)
Next scene is at an Italian restaurant to meet Mom, Sis, and Mom's boyfriend. They actually seem to be really fun and nice. Then they decide to try to embarrass Fresh, and pull out old pictures of him. The boyfriend talks about the importance of friendship in a relationship, and how he is with his best friend. (Isn't that just too cute. I'm sure that won him some big points with Mom.)
After dinner, they go to Fresh's apartment. Princess Trista was in for a very rude awakening when she got there. Fresh said that a friend stayed there while he was gone, and left it a mess, but that he put stuff away. (All I will say, is if he put stuff away, how bad was it when the friend left???) He offered the Princess something to drink, and I swear the glass looked dirty, and he had to lean over stuff to even reach the sink. Then he opens a cabinet and said "this is not good." Princess asked if it was a mouse. Fresh replied "not anymore. I thought I got rid of him years ago." (Oh my heck, I sure hope he was joking
This entire time, the Princess looks so uncomfortable, and kept a pillow in front of herself. She finally relaxed when he sang a song he wrote for her. (Actually, it's not half bad, and his voice is decent.) She warmed up a little more, and of course, we have the requisite kissing.
The Princess still has two more frogs to visit so off we go again.