Some washed-up celebrity DAWs tried desperately to extend their fame by torturing themselves on national television. Oh wait, this isn’t I’m a Celebrity Get me Out of Here? Coulda fooled me!
Previously on Dancing with the Stars, John & Joey were great, Rachel was pretty good. Evander and Trista were okay, and Kelly was horrible. Tonight, we’ll find out who’s the first celebrity ‘outta here’. My money’s actually on Trista despite the fact that Kelly is the worst of the bunch. Does ANYONE like Trista? I think not. They’re so going home. If not Trista, it’s definitely Kelly. She sucks and people can’t possibly be that blinded by her cute face and oobies, can they? Hello? Hello? I'm talking to...oh, never mind.
Tonight we’ll be seeing the couples perform either the rhumba or the quick step. I’m guessing that the male celebs will be doing the rhumba, while the female celebs will be doing the quick step. At least, I hope that’s what they do so that we can see how the couples do with a different tempo/style.
Tom (VO): Last week these stars lit the stage on fire. (No, I think we can blame the ‘fire’ on the antichrist Trista…)
Tom Bergeron & Lisa Canning: At the end of the show, one couple is going home. No, really? Do tell!
The scores will be added to last week’s scores and then averaged with the home votes (huh?). Okay, so…this makes no sense. Two week’s worth of competition goes into the first elimination? This makes no sense. So what happens next week? Do they count this week’s scores twice or do they start using just one week’s worth of scores next week? Or do they really just boot whomever the hell they want? I suppose we shall see.
Rachel & Jonathan
First up, Rachel & Jonathan. The got mixed reviews last week. They’re trying to impress the judges with their “dangerous” moves (which are about as dangerous as Tom Bergeron is funny and Lisa Canning is a good TV journalist).
Rachel & Jonathan – Rhumba to Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing. First thing of note…this is a poor costume choice for Rachel. She’s hot, no doubt about it, but the costume does nothing to accentuate her best physical features (which is NOT her midsection) and the color is bad with the lighting and her own coloring. She’s quite impressive though and she’s by far the best of the female celebs. She looks graceful and poised and she pulls off the slower dances quite well. Not too sure how well she’d fare with a quick step, though.
To the judges:
Len: In a rhumba, I’m looking for interplay, good hip action, romance. I saw everything.
Bruno: Rachel you have the potential of becoming a love goddess of the dance floor. That was wonderful
Carrie Ann: started out a bit nervous – but that was beautiful elegant and sexy…great chemistry.
Backstage: Lisa was impressed with Rachel touching her nose to her knee (it was impressive, but she did NOT touch her nose to her knee…and that’s MUCH easier to do when your other knee is bent, btw).
8 –8 – 8
I would’ve given them an 8 as well. They were better than last week, but they are the first couple, so they can’t be too generous with higher scores. There does seem to be something amiss with Rachel’s movement…maybe the fact that she’s 6 feet tall and not really built for dancing? Overall, a great start to the show!
Joey & Ashly
Next up Joey & Ashly: Quoth the Joey: “now it’s on”…this quick step is at least twice as hard as the cha cha (no Joey…that would be the Cha Cha Cha). “One wrong move and it could totally collapse.”
Joey & Ashly – Quick Step to You’re the One that I Want from Grease. Joe has a permanent surprised look on his face, which is distracting, but he is very light on his feet. Still needs some work on his upper body/posture (but less noticeable than last week), but overall that was very entertaining. These two look to have great chemistry and they always look like they have fun on the dance floor.
To the judges:
Len: The quick step is “light fluffy dance like a souffle…like moving across the floor on hot coals”. Incredible footwork, just have to concentrate now on your posture
Bruno: I expect a lot from you, I still feel you’re slightly under-performing. Have to do smaller stteps to fit in quicker/lighter steps
Carrie Ann: “you didn’t miss a step at all…what you lacked in posture, you had in presence”
Backstage Lisa: Bruno said you were under-performing…got something to say about that? Joey: Uh-uh-uh-uh…I’ll take it, it’s all good. (That Joey…sure has a way with words)
Scores: 8 – 7 – 6
I would have given them an 8. They were fun and entertaining – Joey just needs to lose the weird facial expressions.
Trista & Louis
Trista & Louis – Last week they received encouraging words. At rehearsal, things got a little too close for Trista…”and I am married” (I’m not entirely sure what being married has to do with doing the rhumba…maybe she means that once you’re married you don’t have sex, so she doesn’t have any sensuality base her performance on). Trista brings hubby Ryan to make sure it was okay (she just wanted to get him on TV, the damn DAW)…apparently he’s the sane one of their relationship as he said it was fine. Duh…it’s a dance. You’re not doing the Naked Rhumba, Trista. Now THAT would be a fun dance!
Trista & Louis – Rhumba to Endless Love - Okay, Trista really looks stupid right from the start. She’s not interacting with her partner AT ALL. She looks ONLY at the audience and She’s got a cheesy performance grin on the entire time. Not.sensual.at.all. She has dancing ability, which is pretty obvious given that she was a Miami Heat dancer, but she is not a performer at all.
Carrie Ann: I didn’t feel that you seduced your partner
Len: it was good to see some basic steps – the fan – we’ve seen so little of that so that was pleasing
Bruno: Trista, not enough chili…this is a hot Latin dance and I didn’t feel any heat or passion between the two of you
Louis interjects to say “may I say that I felt it”. Well, Louis, if that’s what you call heat, I think you just lost all credibility in the sensual department (not that you had any to begin with).
6 – 7 – 6
Lisa: are you a little disappointed? (tYco* comment #45)
Trista: yes, definitely…I’ll be honest. The fact that they showed the video (referring to her unwillingness to be ‘sensual’) may have effected their vision . NO Trista, the fact that you did not interact with your partner at all effected their vision. Get over yourself.
I’d have given them a 6 (being generous) only because Trista IS a decent dancer. But the performance was horrendous.