Previously on Project Runway: We get a recap showing the elimination of all of the prior losers, with the beautiful and not particularly talented Heidi Glum Klum telling each of them in her soft voice, overdubbed and perhaps digitally enhanced to minimize the harsh Germanic accent: “You’re fired!” No, wait, it’s “Auf Wiedersehen.” Or is it “Deutschland Über Alles”? It’s so hard to tell, when the voice isn’t in sync with the mouth. Maybe the series should be Projekt Runway. Anyway, after a shocker in the last actual episode (prior to the “losers reunion”), Miss Scarlett (Austin) got it in the parlor with one of Nancy O’Dell’s stiletto heels, and we’re down to the final three.
On with the new stuff, featuring Wendy Pepper as the scheming shrew (think “Jerri” from Survivor 2, then take away looks and add a child), Kara Saun as the hard-nosed single-minded fashion pro (think “Tina,” except without children and silicone) and Jay McCarroll as the clown prince of fashion design (think “Mitchell,” except actually funny):
The Intro and the Outro
In a little bit of a shocker, Wendy won the last challenge, and she didn’t even need Peter Pan and the Lost Boys to help her do it. With the orange material that she lifted from Kara (or should that be Karasaun, since everyone wants to use both of her names), she made a beautiful outfit for Nancy O’Dell to wear to the Grammys. The fact that most of the people watching the show think that Wendy is a fitting mate for Captain Hook and that Austin Scarlett is the second coming of Tinkerbell doesn’t help Austin one bit, because the judges don’t believe in fairies. At least Austin can give the models their makeup back now.
Windy admits that she was doing all the scheming and conniving she could to get into the final three. She says she was just playing the game. Sure, and so was Lucretia Borgia.
To be honest, it was almost all for naught, because Windy did such a BAD outfit for the Episode 8 (Going Postal) challenge that she was lucky that someone did one even worse (though not by much). It seemed certain that she’d be cashiered next. Maybe she learned from her mistakes … or maybe she just got lucky at the right time. Whether anyone other than Nancy O’Dell wants to admit to owning a genuine Wendy Pepper after this, though, is an open question. Banana Republic will get the first crack at answering that question, because it’s now selling Windy’s winning design from Episode 3.
For background, Windy won two challenges (Episodes 3 and 9). Karasene won four (Episodes 2, 5, 7 and 8). Jay didn’t win any, and so he’s the “dark horse.” Neigh. (The other three challenges were won by Austin (two, Episodes 1 and 6) and Kevin (Episode 4).)
As a result of her win, Windy gets to choose the first model for the final show. Naturally, she sticks with Melissa; Jaybird sticks with the 6-foot-tall blonde Julia, despite the fact that her absence almost got him bounced in the Going Postal challenge (instead of shooting the place up, though, he ended up using Miss Scarlett as his model!); and once again, Karasene sticks with Jenny. Martinique has to go back to Fort-de-France. The prize for the winning model: being featured in the Elle Magazine photo spread of the winner’s collection. The prize for the others: a featured slot during a Fashion Week show. Not a bad consolation, that. Almost as good as a spot in Donald Trump’s personal harem.
Each of the final three designers gets $8,000 to create their collection, which will show in Olympia Beer Fashion Week in February … and it’s already October. Everyone is so sick of them that they need to go home before the producers inflict bodily harm, so they have to produce all the clothes at home. So get to work, you slackers, you’re already late! And they’re off.
Fava Beans and a Nice Chianti
Ten weeks later…
Tim “Peter” Gunn needs to get himself in the show so that he can plug the Parsons School of Design some more. Peter may really be a whiz-bang design expert, but all we ever see him do is shill for Parsons, so for all we know, he could be an actor. Hey, maybe it’s Joe Schmo 3, and one of these designers gets punk’d? Windy, it’s a fake! Nyah-nyah! You’ve trashed your reputation for nothing! Naah, we’ve actually seen the other designers turn out some nice clothes. Oh, well, then the only way for Tim to get his face time is to visit the other designers at home. So he starts with Jay.
Blue Jay (so named because of his two years of porn background), it turns out, really is a hick from the sticks. He comes from Lehman, a small town in the Poconos of north central Pennsylvania. How small is it? It’s so small that looking for high fashion in the area means a lengthy drive to Wal-Mart. How did BLUE JAY ever come from THERE?
Blue Jay has been hard at work … but he’s far from finished when Tim comes a-callin’ … which might be why Blue Jay greets Tim by pointing a hunting rifle at him. Despite loud chants from the camera crew, hootin’ and hollerin’ “Shoot! Shoot!”, Blue Jay doesn’t. Instead, we cut to Tim looking at Jay’s incredibly organized fabric collection. He’s got all of the fabric shelved by color … in his living room. Hey, must make for some fun nights at home – “come on over, but no drinking – you might spill on the fabric.” Maybe he has quilting bees. Sounds like loads of fun. “Hey, wanna go see a movie or go to a quilting bee at Blue Jay’s?” “Oh, they both sound like a good time.” Hicks from the sticks, all right.
But who would have thought that Blue Jay, who looks like he picked his clothes at random, would be so disciplined as to have his fabric so perfectly organized?