I know your intentions are good, so Lord please don’t let me be misunderstood…
That seems to be the theme for Jen’s script. Of course not being an actress it becomes painfully apparent that the few lines they gave her about being herself will continue to reappear again and again in variations that only true Bachelorette fans will recognize.
We begin when Chris “Clone-bot” Harrison arrives at the boy’s townhouse to tell them who is going on the first group date. The invitation is to Ryan, New York, aka “the black guy”, Fabrice, Ben, Jerry, Michael, A.W. and Jason.
Jen arrives in a double decker bus to take her dates for a tour of Manhattan. She is greeted at the door by a shirtless Josh. Her narration tells us that while he is attractive she is also offended by it. Perhaps she thought of it as gratuitous, if she knew what that word meant.
To that I say, so what bring it on. We at home stuck watching this need any and all attempts at gratuitous semi-nudity (all of course within FCC guidelines).
Meanwhile back on the bus, Ryan (aka the black guy) thinks this is good opportunity as this is his town and he can really show his stuff. This is all pointless as he is black and will not go further than this episode but valiant nonetheless.
Jen takes the boys after the whirlwind tour to a boat where they cruise the harbor. Jason takes a moment to ask her about her failed relationship with Andrew Firestone. Remember Andrew? Well of course we do and we will never forget nor anyone else given the fact that they courted, dated and broke up in the national media. At least she will have some nice publicity stills and professional copy to show the grandkids about their not quite really possible grandpa.
Once again she reiterates what she has already said in episode one last week that she had moved to a new city, given up her job and changed her life and that with all the travel and little time they had as a couple she felt it wasn’t as appreciated as she would have liked. This leaves the entrance for the bachelor contestants to of course promise fealty and appreciation should she ever enter their lives.
And you wonder why Brad and another Jen broke up. The endless questions, the harassment, the speculation, the actual need to speak to one another between the travel and looking good. It takes a toll my friends, a toll.
Jen once again goes back on script and repeats all those qualifications that she mentioned also in episode one about a man who appreciates, has a sense of humor, is stable, blah blah blah. Got to admire a girl who stays on script.
Fabrice uses this opportunity to express his love of Chicago and how he loves America and the opportunity to be here but he is different. Yes we know…. But instead he explains that he is different from Americans as he is French. Yes we know but what about the gay rumors? But instead he explains that French men are emotional and are unafraid of speaking and sharing their emotions and feelings. Yes but what about the Gay rumors? Or the fact that Fabrice is also a media whore from France.
Jen narrates that Fabrice seems to have so much going on that he perplexes her. Yes I imagine that accent is confusing and he is French and all that. Those crazy foreigners!
As we cut to commercial, the scriptwriters have a new surprise. A new line for the Clone-bot Harrison. Yes kiddies, “the most dramatic rose ceremony ever” is gone; instead the line is now the “biggest cuts in rose ceremony history”. Glad to see the script writers have given something new for the Clone-bot, I hope it wasn’t too difficult for him to remember. They are full out busy with giving Jen dialogue. I wonder if in a few years the History Channel will be compelled to do a documentary about the Rose ceremony and its place in reality history.
This is followed ironically by a commercial for Phantom of the Opera. I see so many parallels there… the virgin being seduced by a virgin or a man in mask with a disfigured face. A metaphor for our Miss Jen perhaps or some type of subliminal message about Jason and Josh.? Hmmm….
We return to the boat where Ryan is asking Jen why her past relationships failed and is she into interracial dating? Well let me answer those…they failed because of the endless interrogations and well NO! Of course Jen just provides a vague answer as she has no script available and as for the interracial question…..well the answer to that my friend will lie in the “biggest cuts in rose ceremony history”
Michael is up for his one on one and while his father may have known her father he obviously didn’t know him well enough to get a heads up about our Miss Jen and her discomfort about animals. (Those with amazing recall or no lives should remember her fear of dogs at the Firestone compound) And I am sure that the fear would also include men who sleep with dogs – the four legged kind. Michael regales her with his wonderful sleeping/cuddling habit of “wrapping” himself around his dog… the sexual innuendo is apparent and frankly disturbing. And George Bush is worried about Gay marriage?
Jason shares he is a mama’s boy (he’s holding that virgin trump card for later) while A.W. asks “do I look like Andrew Firestone?” Things aren’t going well my friends.
Jerry continues on course of keeping Jen literally and figuratively swept off her feet by asking her for a dance. They do a poor Fred and Ginger but at least he doesn’t carry her anywhere.
Meanwhile back at Testosterone Lodge the boys receive the next video invite. It’s for Keith and his “first impression” date.
Stu – you know the STALKER, expresses sadness that it wasn’t he who was chosen as he is in LOVE with her. He is devastated (his words) and you know this is going to be the “biggest cut in rose ceremony history”.