In what can only be described as the most riveting hour and 5 minutes of scheduled television, For Love or Money wrapped up scenario one. Like the finest July 4th pyrotechnic display, we were treated to thrills, chills, and....
Ok, so it fizzled like a roman candle in a hurricane. But still, Preston pressed on and put everyone out of their misery at long last.
We begin with a touching vignette of flashbacks, voiceovers and more flashbacks. After the credits roll, just in case you thought you knew what you were watching, and understood the concept, there's another flashback sequence explaining the ever changing rules of the game. Go ahead and remove your brain now. You won't be needing that for the next hour or so.
Time Check: 10 minutes 03 seconds into the show
Rachel and PJ are the final ladiesshrews contestants left, and we're forced to endure a recap of the fallen women who have gone before tonight's loser. It is a long recap. (Hey, they've got an hour and 5 minutes to kill, and lots of useable recaps courtesy of the local film school Editing 101 class.) After seemingly endless minutes of reminding us who has been sent home, and that they could win an actual million dollars here, we finally see Preston pensively pondering his future career at Burger King possibilities. The shot is brief, fleeting even. Like the last thought in Preston's brain...dying of loneliness, choking on cobwebs, or hairspray.
By the way, Rachel? Not in it for the money, unless it's a lot of money. She just wants to be loved. But she's not going to walk away from a buttload of money. (Honestly, is that her way of saying "If I lose, you can shove that check right up your keester."?)
Time check: 12 minutes 45 seconds
And they're eating...again. There's only two left, we're reminded....again. PJ's mind is blown. She mentions this often. Rachel whines about how other girls talked bad about her and she's just misunderstood. PJ feels bad that Rachel trusts her when she's really a backstabber, like the rest. She doesn't feel that*bad, though.
Jordan pops in and shows them what's in yet another mystery box and as if they needed reminding, tells them that soon it will all come to an end and Preston will make his decision, then they're to decide between Love or Money. (What a clever phrase! Wouldn't that make a great title for a reality show?)
Rachel and PJ drool over the prospect of a million dollars again. This may take a while, so if you need a drink, go get it now.
Jordan tells the girls that one has a check for a million, and the other has a whole stinkin' dollar. PJ has a gut feeling hers is the million. PJ has many gut feelings. PJ should see an doctor about that. If this made no sense to you, then you're right on the money...so to speak. Jordan has to show off his math skills and tell the girls there's a 50% chance of having the million. We, the audience, are supposed to be awed.
Rachel claims she wants the dollar so she wont feel bad not looking like a schmuck in front of the 3 people still watching this show when she picks Preston instead of the money *coughcoughliarcough*, but what really fascinates this girl is plain and simple: $$$$$$$. No questioning her motives. Nuh uh. Also, she's really competitive. She just wants to win, THEN make the choice. Any bets on who gets the last word in *any* conversation with this one?
PJ has another gut feeling. Someone call 911.
Blah blah blah, feelings...blah blah blah, connection....blah blah blah "he loves me not the money and if not then he really fooled me" money....we're how many minutes into the show?
...and NOTHING has happened! Unless you count the re-explaination of the rules and recap of the 'twists'.
PJ feels sick to her stomach over the thought of never seeing Preston again. Get the oxygen ready.
Cue terrible soap opera music, and add some not very convincing voiceovers about their intentions, and let's break for commercial!
Time check: 16 minutes
Preston is brought to the mansion in a limo. Clearly he's dressed up for the occasion. Rumpled shirt nicely untucked with sleeves rolled up, completed by...is that a leather bracelet? Blah blah blah, Jordan explains stuff some more. Blah blah blah, Preston laments his difficult decision. Oh look! Pictures all over the wall, with two dramatically lit! How poignant. That Jordan is quite the master of obvious. Which makes Preston Captain Oblivion. Jordan leaves Preston to his thoughts. Shouldn't take long. Pensive Preston talks about what a headstrong girl Rachel is (Webster's has a different definition, but I'm not going to nitpick) and PJ is has potential for long term commitment. He has to choose one. Oh this is so tense! Have lunch with the girls! That should help things.
Rachel will be 'hurt' if she doesn't win. This requires mentioning because she's not in it for the money.