Week 3 of Star Search is brought to you by the makers of "Lame-O-Meter". Choosy recappers choose OM products to keep track of lame (LOM), annoying (AOM), vulgar (VOM), repulsive (ROM) and comical (COM) moments.
Our first Junior Warbler is CF Johnson. He's a rappin' boppin' hippity hoppin' kiddie pop kid. He moves around a lot onstage. That'll be worth a few stars. He looks and sounds like a photocopy of Michael Jackson. What I mean is, he's white. But he's pretty good.
Naomi - CJ, you got it goin' on (LOM click - geez I can't stand Naomi's comments) 5 stars Ben - great stage presence, incredible song, voice could have been better - 4 stars (4 is a lot for "voice could have been better" - LOM click) Carol - loved it (mumbled a lot of other crap, which produces several LOM clicks and an AOM click) 5 Our special guest judges are a BackStreet Boy and his little brother (BSBs for short). They take turns. and little bro gets to talk first. He probably begged and begged until Big BSB agreed. - 4 stars
Next is 13 yr old Lisa Tucker. She looks like our first Finalist Tiffany's sister. In her video she preys on the judges' penchant for helping those who help others by informing us that for fun she does volunteer work and recently helped the homeless.
She is to sing Whitney Houston's "One Moment In Time". Assinny LOM clicks by saying, "Not to be confused with Bobby Brown's One Moment in Handcuffs."
Lisa is wearing a silverblue long dress that resembles a tall woman's negligee. She has an okay voice. Bad song, but maybe all she can sing are the 3 notes it contains. I reckon Rapper Boy wins this round.
Naomi - rich voice - 5 stars. She mumbles something about not wearing bedroom attire - damn, how can Naomi & I be agreeing on stuff, again? That's an AOM click in itself. Ben - Great, incredibly strong - occasionally flat - 4 Carol - what a knockout - so fantastic - 5 stars BSB - we're singers, so it's all about us, except not, we're giving you 4 stars cuz you can sing.
It's a tie at 18. Back from the commercials, and Assinyoface is lamely getting the BSB to tell how his group didn't even get to this stage. Like, so what? With America's votes it is Lisa. Surprises me, anyway, 35 to 32. Must have been the negligee.
Models Category. Candace from Plano Texas. Say hi to PinnyPinhead. I bet she knows her. Candace wants to go into medical sales, to put all her interests into one. So, how is modelling related to medical sales?
She's wearing a tight, body hugging, shimmery blue dress, with spaghetti straps. She's very pretty but her hair looks like a wet mop.
Ben - stone solid - says he lost his mind - pstone funkadelic (omg LOM click) -5 Carol - forget medical sales - stick with modelling. Absolutely stunning, great energy, 4 stars BSBs - lots of energy, 3 stars Naomi - can you say groupie? (WTF? Can you say, LOM click?) You're classy. Beauty and brains and heart and I love your personal story - 4 stars.
Janet Chy Ann Wong tells us she is not your average American girl. Growing up she was not allowed to play sports or do other stuff. Her traditional Asian upbringing taught her discipline. But not to keep away from the big bright lights of Hollywood, obviously. She comes out in a not quite as tight as Candace but just as shimmery short black dress, with spaghetti straps. She's got a big smile, but moves like an animated mannequin.
Assinyoface - All that and extra butter (LOM click and a rolleyes. Who writes this stuff for him?) Ben - stone solid. (LOM click for the second use of this remark. What the hell is he talking about?) Little amateurish in the walk - 3 Carol - Kind of agree with Ben (LOM click for the "kind of." You agree, so what's with the beating around the bush?) Exotic but wholesome -3 BSB - You're beautiful. What can I say? (Not much, apparently.) - 4 Naomi - She's lovely too. (LOM click. Who is Naomi talking to?) I'm gonna give you 3 stars. I thought you were saying you're a table dancer. Think you need a bit more polish.
I'd like to see Candace win this, even tho this is the lame category. She had more poise and was pretty, in spite of that mop top.
Assinny asks if he's just an idiot. ROFL. COM click. Candace wins with 32 to 26.