Ben Higgins has revealed he lost 15 pounds throughout his journey on The Bachelor because of all the stress and lack of sleep, but it was all worth it in the end to have found Lauren Bushnell.

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"Heading into my last date with Lauren, I was a mess. I hadn't been sleeping. I couldn't eat. I'm not sure if you guys could tell, but I lost over 15 pounds during this journey. My mind couldn't stop and I simply didn't know what I was going to do. Lauren could feel that the second she saw me," Higgins wrote in his People blog of his final one-on-one date with the blonde flight attendant."

Higgins was "so appreciative" that night of Bushnell's desire to just be there for him, hold him and tell him everything was going to be alright.

"That night she just let me know that she was ready. She wanted to make sure I had zero doubts and that I knew that she was ready to marry me. For a guy who thought he couldn't be truly loved and to have a woman as amazing as Lauren sitting across from you saying that, I can't even put into words what that meant to me," Higgins explained.

"As the night ended the finality of it all really hit me. That this could possibly be the last time I ever saw Lauren. The last time I kissed her or said goodnight to her. That scared me to death. I think now I know why that was so scary to me but in that moment all it did was add to the anguish I was feeling every minute of every day as my final decision grew nearer."

Higgins then made a surprising confession in his blog.

"In all honesty, I think I knew the moment I saw Lauren that it was her. Our spark and our chemistry was just unlike anything I had ever felt in my whole life. When I met Lauren, I finally understood what all those songs and movies about true love were talking about. There is no other feeling like that," Higgins wrote.

"But I didn't want to get carried away in that or to mistake chemistry for love. I owed it to myself and to all of the women that had been there to see it all through, to explore every possibility and every feeling before I made a decision that would be for the rest of my life."

Higgins also had to explore his relationship with Bushnell more to make sure the feeling he had for her "was real" and "could last forever."

"It's easy to get caught up in the moment and I needed to make sure that that is not what this was," he said, adding that he realized he couldn't live without Bushnell while holding the Neil Lane engagement ring he had picked out. "I knew this was it. Lauren was my person and the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with."

When Higgins finally arrived at that decision, he felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his chest.

"I was relieved. I was happy. I actually started imagining sliding the ring on her finger and the look on her face when she saw it. I imagined seeing that ring on her finger 30 years from now as we held hands and watched our kids graduate high school or college. I felt peace and pure joy. I couldn't wait to tell her. To hold her in my arms and say that this is forever," Higgins explained.

Higgins "tried to play it cool" when Bushnell finally approached him in her blue gown at the Final Rose Ceremony in Jamaica.

"But it was almost impossible. I wanted her to be surprised and excited. And I wanted us both to be able to say what we came there to say. But I think I left out over half of what I had planned on telling her. I just couldn't wait. But I loved that about that moment. It was so perfectly imperfect because I couldn't contain myself... I wanted to spend the rest of my forever with her. And I hoped that she did too," he said.

"Again, words will pale in comparison to what that moment felt like. After all the anguish and heartbreak; all the sleepless nights and tears; after the weeks and weeks of praying and soul searching and worrying that this might not work out after all; and that my fear of being unlovable might be a real thing; all of that disappeared in that moment."

All of those fears and worries apparently disappeared when he saw Bushnell that final day of filming.

"[The anxiety] was replaced by more joy than I thought a man could ever feel. I had found her. And she loved me back. It was perfect in every way... She is everything I have ever dreamed of in a partner and I can't wait for a lifetime with her by my side. She's my person," Higgins insisted.
About The Author: Elizabeth Kwiatkowski

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