"Even though I had already chosen my dates for the week and it was the day of the Rose Ceremony, I felt like I could not leave Las Vegas without seeing Emily and Haley's hometown with Emily and Haley. I wasn't going in with the intent that I needed to choose between the two or send one home," Higgins wrote in his People blog.
"I just thought that going home, seeing where they came from and meeting their mom would really help me start to differentiate them from each other and see where I could progress with one or both of them. I could really sense that it wasn't only hard on me, but it was starting to get hard for them too."
As Higgins got to spend more time with the girls, it became "clearer and clearer" to him that he had to stop thinking of them as "the twins" in order to progress in the right direction.
"I needed to be with just one of them and it was clear to me that Emily and I were farther along and had a stronger connection than Haley and I had. And rather than taking Haley to the next stop and possibly have to say goodbye to her without her having the support of her sister and her mother in that moment just didn't seem right," Higgins explained.
"If you would've told me at the beginning of the day that it was going to end that way, I would've told you that you were crazy and that I could never do that. But in that moment, it was clear to me that it had to be done and I stand by that decision today -- even as hard as it was for me."
Higgins confessed getting rid of Haley was "definitely the most difficult decision" he's made thus far in his journey. And after a "really emotionally taxing day," Higgins still had a cocktail party and Rose Ceremony ahead of him. He was about to cut two more girls from the running for his heart.
"Nothing about this is getting easier. [Rachel Tchen] was a woman that I was instantly attracted to and always seemed so natural and easy to be around. But she was right in that, while we never had a bad time together, we also didn't seem to be moving forward either," Higgins wrote.
"With [Amber James], it was a bit harder since I had just given her a group date rose the week before. I knew there was potential there. And I knew what a great woman she is. But I did feel like we took a step back this week. And that it wasn't moving forward."
Higgins also spoke to James very little at the cocktail party, so he missed an opportunity to catch up with her about all the drama in the house.
"It wasn't an easy decision at all," he confessed. "But at this point, no decision to say goodbye came easily to me."
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