"I promised myself that I would be open to love and completely put myself and my heart out there because that is the only way this was going to work for me. Remember -- the greater the risk, the greater the reward. So the question is becoming, Is Peter willing to let himself go and take the same risks with me?" Rachel questioned in her People blog.
In last week's episode, Rachel, a 32-year-old attorney from Dallas, TX, had an extremely difficult decision when choosing which four men would receive a hometown date and introduce her to their families.
"My last one-on-one was with Peter. Our relationship at that point had been exceptional in that while it always felt as strong as any other, Peter is very cautious with the words that have to do with love," Rachel explained.
"He will make you feel love in so many different little ways, like gifts or how he is also completely focused on me in every moment we share no matter how crazy things all around us may be. I admit I struggle with the word love, too, and like the little gap in our smiles, it's actually endearing that we share that."
Rachel said, however, that she left her struggle back on Nick Viall's season of The Bachelor.
"[Peter] is so down-to-earth that even the most extreme dates don't distract him from focusing on the relationship. Our helicopter ride up to the glacier and our dog sled ride was breathtaking. I remember thinking nothing could take away from this moment," Rachel gushed in her blog.
"However, the more we talking about our relationship and how he was feeling, I felt the storm coming in -- and it wasn't just emotionally. During our conversation on the mountain we actually had to hold filming because of a crazy whiteout snowstorm that blew in. After spending the day on the glacier with Peter, I left with mixed feelings."
Peter had moments throughout The Bachelorette process -- especially since his one-on-one dates were spread so far apart this season -- when he actually wanted to quit and go home.
"He had admitted the connection I had with the other men made him unsure at times whether he would invite me to meet his family. It was a reminder that the men had the biggest decision of the season to make this week too," Rachel wrote.
"More so than accepting a rose, accepting me into their family's homes was a leap of faith. I appreciated his honestly but more than ever I feared Peter would never be able to take the risks that one must take to get engaged on this journey."
During the dinner portion of their date, Peter revealed how his last serious relationship ended badly, with him regretfully breaking the woman's heart and abandoning her. Peter confessed to feeling guilt over the hurt he had caused the woman and fear of going through something like that again.
"My conversation over dinner that evening gave me more insight into Peter's reluctance to say everything was going to work out for us in the end. He was blunt about his uncertainty about being ready to propose," Rachel said, referencing how Peter insisted he'd only pop the question if there was zero doubt or hesitation in his mind.
"Watching how emotional he became while talking about leaving his ex-girlfriend told me that he was as afraid to break my heart as I was to have it broken."
Rachel continued, "Yet when Peter looked into my eyes and told me he didn't throw the word love around carelessly yet saw himself on the path to being in love with me, I felt assured it was worth it to risk to move forward to his hometown and see if we could get to that place together."
Rachel knew Peter's hometown date in Wisconsin would give her "so much insight" into the bachelor she cared for and how he became the "amazing" man he is today. Rachel felt "truly honored" to be invited into such an intimate part of Peter's life, as well as the lives of Bryan, Dean and Eric.
The Bachelorette star also revealed the hometown dates that will be shown in the July 17 episode are "truly unbelievable."
"Some are splendid," she teased. "Others are more perplexing than anyone could have imagined and each will show a much a deeper side of these guys. Will Peter finally say the word love or will Eric or Dean be the next to go all in? You'll see it all... when we take it back to the States."