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'Bachelor's Ashley Spivey: I was more in love with Ashley H. than Brad


By Elizabeth Kwiatkowski, 02/03/2011 

Ashley Spivey's The Bachelor experience got off to a great start when she received the first impression rose from Brad Womack at the season's initial cocktail reception.

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However, while she also enjoyed a great one-on-one date with Brad later on, the pair's connection wasn't strong enough to convince Brad to make her one of the final eight women competing for his heart and she was eventually eliminated during a two-on-one date in which she had to face off against fellow bachelorette Ashley Hebert, whom she had become close friends with during her time on the show.

During a conference call with reporters on Thursday, Ashley talked to Reality TV World about why she hadn't expected to be selected for the two-on-one date, what "inner demons" she was referring to during the date, why she believes her growing relationship with Brad derailed, how she ended up on The Bachelor, and what she thought of Brad's repeated fawning over fellow bachelorette Emily Maynard.

Reality TV World: In his column this week, [The Bachelor host] Chris Harrison said you girls had been convinced it was going to be Alli Travis and Britt Billmaier on the two-on-one date -- why was that and why do you think Brad chose to take you two instead?

Ashley Spivey: I can't remember if I actually said it was Alli and Britt, but I thought it would be Alli, Britt, [Lisa Morrisey] or [Marissa May] -- one of them -- just because they hadn't had a one-on-one date. So, we just automatically assumed that we wouldn't be on the two-on-one.

To this day, I'm not really sure why he took Ashley and I because it was pretty well-known that we were really good friends in the house, so I don't know if maybe he wanted to split us up maybe because he didn't want us focusing too much on the other one and not enough on him or what. It's still just a complete surprise to me. I was actually really looking forward to watching this episode just because I hoped it would provide more insight into it.

Reality TV World: You said during the date that you'd be fighting a lot of "inner demons." Which demons were you referring to? You also said it's normally the case that you have to convince men to be with you. Can you elaborate on why that's true and does it specifically refer to any of your past relationships?

Ashley Spivey: So, the thing about inner demons is my initial reaction, whenever I heard that I was going on the two-on-one is that I wanted to just asked to be sent home, because at that point, I knew that Ashley H. was really emotionally invested in Brad and it's not that I wasn't.

She was just actually so much more at an invested level than I was, and the thought of -- for whatever reason -- if I would have been kept there and if Ashley would have been sent home, it would have killed me. And maybe this is kind of messed up for me to say, but at that point, I was more in love with Ashley than Brad. I had spent more time with her in the house and I couldn't imagine just how guilty I would have felt if she would've went home.

So, I was kind of putting her happiness above my own, which is something I tend to do in relationships and just in life in general. So that was one inner demon I was really fighting. And I talk about that a lot in my interview, but that's why I was really upset -- is because I knew I was going to have to overcome that -- just to go on this date.

And then the comment about me feeling like I have to convince guys to be in a relationship with me -- before this show, I have only been in three relationships and they're really long relationships -- one was four years, one was three years, and one was two years. So, that nine years of my life, I've dedicated to these long relationships and after like a year, I've always felt like the guys needed convincing to stay in that relationship.

So, the remainder of those relationships felt like it was me convincing them to stay with me. So, this was one time I didn't want to have to do that again, and I kind of felt like that's what a two-on-one date is. It's where you either throw the other person under the bus, or you really try to talk them into dating -- be like 'Please, look. I'm better than her.'

I really just didn't have the heart to do that anymore, and I'd say that even from the show, I just did not want to get into that situation again. If someone wants to fall in love with me, I'm not going to compete or convince them anymore.

Reality TV World: You seemed to get off to a really strong start with the first impression rose and then you were one of the first women to get a one-on-one date with Brad, so what do you think happened to change things so much? All of the other girls who got one-on-one dates with Brad are still around.

Ashley Spivey: Right. I would say that although I did feel confident in the beginning and then after my one-on-one date, I really didn't get the chance to talk to him at any of the cocktail parties before the other Rose Ceremonies. And then I didn't get a lot of one-on-one time with him on my group date, so I don't know if it's just that his interest in me kind of dropped off or what.

But other girls that he had that one-on-one time with, they had a lot of time with him either at the cocktail parties or on the group date, and I just didn't have that time. So, I just don't know if he didn't get to know me well enough, or he just thought maybe I wasn't interested or what.

But I hope that it wasn't that I made that comment [that I would be broken-hearted whether Ashley H. or myself got sent home] at dinner, and it just really affected his interest in me. Because that -- I think was one of the reasons I was really upset in the limo, because I thought I had just really messed up, and it just never feels good to feel like you're the one that made a relationship dissolve -- and that's kind of how I was feeling.

Reality TV World: Are you still friends with Ashley H. and have you kept in touch with her since you left the show?

Ashley Spivey: I haven't been able to just because of our contract, but I mean, I'd hope we're still friends! Because I think she's one of those people that I'll be best friends with for the rest of my life and maybe even some of the other girls on the show.

Reality TV World: What was your reaction when you found out your date was going to be set at the Elvis Show in Las Vegas? When you began dancing, were you intimidated by Ashley H. especially because she had that dance performance background and you noted in the show that your body "doesn't do those things."

Ashley Spivey: Well, at first I was really excited, because I wanted an adrenaline date from the very beginning of the season. So when they said Viva Elvis, I knew it was a Cirque Du Soleil show, I thought we maybe we were going to do something with like a trapeze or something like that, and I cannot tell you how crushed I was when I found out we were doing dancing.

Because Ashley's amazing at that, and I have no moves at all unless you like, put some alcohol in me, and even those aren't great. Those are just more like me throwing my hair back and forth, so I was absolutely terrified of the whole dancing part, but initially, I was a little excited.

Reality TV World: Most of the bachelorettes seemed very jealous when Shawntel Newton came back to the hotel with all her bags of clothes and shoes. What was your reaction to her date with Brad? Were you also a little envious?

Ashley Spivey: I was definitely envious just because I felt like maybe my date was more humiliating and hers -- she got tons of presents and I knew she had a really good time -- When Brad came back to pick her up you could also tell that he had a really good time on the date, so I was definitely jealous of Shawntel's date.

Reality TV World: Did you get a little offended when Brad kept pulling Emily away for their private conversations and such? It basically happened a lot during your time on The Bachelor, so did you think it was because he cared for her and just wanted to make her happy like he said or do you think it was really just because he might of had an intense connection with her?

Ashley Spivey: I think that Brad is the type of person where he really doesn't want people to ever be sad or he doesn't want to offend anyone, or he doesn't want anyone to have hurt feelings. So, I think that's why he pulled Emily away a lot. I never really got to see that, except for at one Rose Ceremony where he took her out for the private picnic, and I was mad.

That kind of hurt my feelings a little bit just because there were times when I was at the house for a week and didn't get to see him on a group date or a one-on-one date, so I felt a little envious because he never did something like that for me. But then, at the same time, I can see why he did that with Emily.

After hearing her story, I'm sure that he just wanted to make sure that she was okay in the process. But I'll say this about Emily -- I don't think people give her enough credit -- she's very strong, and I think the thing with Emily is that if everyone would just quit talking about it long enough, they would see that she's ready to move on and she's ready to start a new chapter in her life.

Reality TV World: What's next for you? How did you come to the decision that you wanted to become a nanny and do you plan on continuing doing that in the future, and how did you end up on the show?

Ashley Spivey: Okay, what's next for me is I'm nannying right now. I absolutely love it, but I'm also studying for the LSAT's, because I would eventually like to go to law school. So, that's what's kind of next for me in the near future.

And the way I actually got on the show was after my last really bad breakup -- that was at the end of 2009 -- I started a blog where I decided I was really going to put myself out there and start dating, but I didn't want to get into another relationship.

So, what I decided to do is, I would go on dates with people, but I would only go out with them once, and then I'd never go out with them again no matter what if I like them, even if he wanted to take me out again, I'd limit it to one date so that I could date and get my confidence back up and see what else was out there.

And then I actually thought, 'Well I'll try out for The Bachelor. I won't get on, but maybe I could write about my journey and getting through the interview process.' But they actually called me back pretty soon after I submitted my application, so and then I found out I couldn't write about it. So, I kind of quit the blog and decided to really pursue finding love on The Bachelor. So, that's how it happened!

Also in the call, Ashley talked about why she seemed a little defeated during her two-on-one date, what dinner comment she felt cost her chance to stay on the show, whether she feels Brad is too young for some of the season's bachelorettes, what controversial bachelorette Michelle Money was like during filming, why she would likely be interested in being on The Bachelorette but not Bachelor Pad, what she wants in a guy, and why she was attracted to Brad.

You seemed a little defeated going into the date, is that accurate to say?  And if so why?

Ashley Spivey: I would say that you're right, I was assuming that I was defeated only because I think my issue even going into the show is I had always felt like I had to convince people to be in relationships with me, or compete all the time with either other girls that they would interact with at bars or things like that.  And I just really did not want to do that again.

And [also] I really did not think I was going on the two-on-one date in Vegas.  There were so many other girls who hadn't been on been on the one-on-one's that I didn't think he needed to figure that out with me.  I was just so surprised, it was just more about defeating my own personal demons and the fact that I was going on a two-on-one with my best friend in the house. 

It was just an awful situation.

Would you have done anything differently on the [two-on-one] date if you had the chance?

Ashley Spivey: I would think that maybe I wouldn't have gone into it feeling so defeated because you could probably tell that I wasn't into it.  And another thing that really got me down about the date, as well, is we were having to dance and as much as I hate singing, I hate dancing just as much.  So I was completely out of my element and I'm sure y'all know Ashley is a dancer.  So I was just like, 'Jesus!  I'm not going to be good at this date at all.' (laughs)

Brad is an older Bachelor, and so many of the girls [including you] are still in their 20's.  Do you think that's an issue?

Ashley Spivey: I think that even though some of us are on the younger side, there's certain things that we have been through that I think that maybe have made us old souls, in a way.  Emily is one of the younger ones -- she's 24 -- however, she's been through a horrible tragedy that makes you grow up.  So in a lot of ways, I'd say she's maybe 34 in terms of maturity.  And I would say, I am too in a lot of ways.

I feel like I'm kind of goofy and high-energy and a lot of people take that as being young sometimes.  But I dealt with my father's death and when he passed away I had to become executor to his estate -- I'm done things that people in their 40's take care of usually, or older than that.  So I don't necessarily thing that it's a problem... I think that while we may seem young, there are a lot of ways that we're more mature than other guys our age. 

So I don't think that that's a hindrance in any of the girls falling in love with Brad.

Viewers didn't see much of your two-on-one dinner conversation with Brad. Was there any?

Ashley Spivey: I'm actually kind of upset that they didn't show a lot of the dinner conversation because I think it would have shown viewers why I was sent home.  During the dinner conversation, it was obviously really awkward and I made a comment where I said, "No matter what happens after this dinner, I'm going to be broken-hearted." 

Because if Ashley H. goes -- who was my best friend in the house -- I would just be completely distraught, because I knew how strongly she felt for Brad at that point, but however I'd [also] be really broken-hearted if I got sent home because I was looking forward to getting to know [Brad] better.

And after I said that, I could kind of tell that his mood changed, and after he didn't give me the rose and he said I'd make a really great wife but I wouldn't make a great wife for him, before he walked me to the limp he sat me down and he said that that [statement] bothered him.  Because then it made him think that I wasn't just there for him -- he didn't want me being so concerned with other girls in the house.

And I don't think that's wrong -- I'm not trying to throw him under the bus -- however, that's my personality... that was one think I hadn't anticipated going into the house, that I would love the other girls as much as I did.  Maybe that's what hurt me... but I think that's inevitable when you spent 24 hours a day with these girls and get to know them so well and you only have a couple of hours with the Bachelor.

Are there any woman left who you feel are really, truly right for Brad?

Ashley Spivey: I would say -- even in watching the show now, I still feel the same way as when I left, and I think Ashley H. and Emily have the strongest connection with him.  Even what he says he wants in a wife, I feel like Ashley H. and Emily meet the qualifications the best.

What attracted you most to Brad?

Ashley Spivey: I would say that thing that makes Brad really attractive is that he's a real man.  He's manly.  His muscles.  He's absolutely gorgeous in the face.  And he's a gentleman -- that's one thing hard to find here in New York.  Someone that just has good manners and they're always making sure you don't trip over something, they give you their jacket when you're cold -- I mean he's a true Southern gentleman, and I think that's really attractive.

After you were eliminated, do you think you were more upset and disappointed about not finding love or not finding love with Brad?

Ashley Spivey: Am I taking the easy way out if I say it was equally both?  I really feel like I did not anticipate that I was going home on that episode.  I really thought that I would be there longer, so that surprised me, and then I was just really upset that I wouldn't have the chance to just to know him better.

And then I was also equally that I'd just come out of a really bad relationship -- or a string of really bad relationships -- and here was another one that I kind of felt like I had failed in.  So it was a combination of all those things that just really upset me.

Why do you think the other Ashley is right for him?

Ashley Spivey: There's a lot of stuff that isn't being shown.  Whenever he had any time with her, I think he just showed a different side of himself and you could tell that he was really happy with her.  And then when he came in that one day and took Ashley to the side even though he had a date with Michelle, I think that said a lot.  Because, who wanted to endure the wrath of Michelle, you know what I mean?  He was taking a big risk by upsetting her like that, and it was more important to him to make Ashley H. feel better and make her feel secure in their relationship rather than make Michelle mad?

Do you think Michelle is still around because he doesn't want to make her mad?

Ashley Spivey: I think he's intrigued by her.  I think that maybe all of this is an act and he's trying to crack her a little bit and see what's really there.

Would you be interested in being the next The Bachelorette star if given the chance?

Ashley Spivey: Oh, absolutely!  Definitely.

What do you think about Michelle? What was she like to live with?

Ashley Spivey: Watching the show, I've been really surprised.  Because I would say Michelle was one of my favorite people in the house, prior to this, so I had no idea she was saying that in the interviews.  Like the comment about Ashley and I and how she wanted to split us up -- she never acted that way toward me in the house, she was an absolute sweetheart. 

She even did my hair for most of the Rose Ceremonies.  I loved her.  I mean I still say that today, I don't know if she's just playing a character or if she knew if she acts a little crazy she gets more screen time, I'm not sure.  But... honestly, she's a sweetheart and how she's being portrayed on camera isn't the real Michelle.

Are you ready to get back out there dating or has this knocked your confidence a bit?

Ashley Spivey: No, I feel like that experience taught me so much about myself -- my strong points, maybe things I need to work on.  Being more confident.  So I'd say that I'm definitely ready for a relationship after this whole experience.  I hope that crying like that in the last episode didn't scare guys away -- I hope that people will want to be in a relationship with me after that. (laughs)

What did you learn about yourself?

Ashley Spivey: I'd say that I had pretty low confidence going into [the show].  I had just been through so many bad relationships [to the point where] I was thinking there was something wrong with me.  But Brad, he really did a good job of making me feel special and making me feel like I am good wife material. 

And the girls in the house, they were actually really great with that too, they really built up my confidence and showed me it wasn't necessarily me in those relationships that it was probably more the guys I was dating and they weren't necessarily ready to be in those relationships.  And I also learned that I just think the most attractive thing is confidence and if I can get my confidence at the right level I think I can make someone very happy.

Is there anyone you think wasn't right for Brad?

Ashley Spivey: There was one person while I was there who I knew they had a connection [with Brad], but I wasn't really sure that that connection was what Brad was saying he wanted in a wife -- that I felt they had more of a sexual connection.  And I would say that person was [Chantal O'Brien].

I think that Brad says he wants a best friend and someone to make him feel better at the end of the day and things like that and I think Ashley H. and Emily fit that better and I just feel like he has more of that sexual connection with Chantal.

What are you looking for in a man?

Ashley Spivey: Oh wow, gosh, do you have hours?  I'd say I want someone that I feel like can take care of me.  I don't know exactly what characteristics those are, but just someone who makes me feel safe, someone who makes me feel like they aren't going to hurt me.  I almost feel like I've always dated guys that are always looking in the other direction, looking for the next best thing.  So I'd say that the next guy that I'm with, I want them to be just completely enamored by me and think that I'm the best thing out there.

Obviously I want someone that's attractive, someone that has like a job and not only that, but they love what they do, that they're really passionate about.  I definitely want someone that loves kids, that's something that's very important to me.  I want them to be well educated.  I want them to have a great sense of humor.  Someone that can also be goofy, that's not always serious and worried how other people are going to look at them.  That's about it.  Maybe tall.  Tall works.

Are there any former The Bachelor or The Bachelorette guys that you'd love to meet?

Ashley Spivey: I didn't start watching it until [Jake Pavelka's] season.  I'd say I went on the show thinking it was going to be Chris Lambton and I don't want to get myself into too much trouble by saying that was who I wish I'd gotten to meet -- because I know he's in a relationship right now, so I'm not trying to step on [Peyton Wright's] toes.  But that would be the one person that I did want to meet.

Would you be interested in being on Bachelor Pad?

Ashley Spivey: Oh, I would have to think about it.  I think with Bachelor Pad, there's more room, maybe, to do some things that could hurt my image, maybe, in a way.  I don't know.  I think it definitely looks fun, and I'd definitely love to win $250,000 and to meet other castmates, but I think I'd maybe have to think a little harder about that.

Do you girls all do your own hair and makeup?  How many dresses do you bring with you or do you get to go shopping while you're filming?  How many pairs of shoes?

Ashley Spivey: About the makeup and the hair, Michelle helped a lot of people with their hair because I think it says it, but she's a hairdresser.  So she was really generous about helping other people and then, yeah, we all did our own makeup.  There were a couple of times where I would help other people, or other girls would help other girls in the house with their makeup.... before I went on the show I went up to a makeup counter and asked them how should I put on makeup if I'm going to be on camera, because obviously you have to do it heavier and use different products.

And then as far as dresses and things like that, I was actually lucky enough to where I have a really good friend in the city who works for a designer so they actually gave me 14 dresses to take with me on the show.  And then I had other friends [who gave me great dresses] so I took 22 dresses with me on the show and I'd say I had about that many pairs of shoes as well.

I really didn't even have to buy that much stuff.  I guess going out and nightlife in New York is actually pretty good practice for going on The Bachelor! (laughs)


(Photo credit ABC)


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