The Bachelorette alum Kaitlyn Bristowe has revealed what really breaks her heart post-split from Jason Tartick is the fact she's not sure when she's going to be able to have children.
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"Now that I'm single -- it sounds so weird saying that -- and I'm 38, I'm like, 'When the f-ck am I going to have a family?'" Kaitlyn vented to fellow The Bachelorette alum Rachel Lindsay on the Thursday, August 17 episode of the "Off the Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe" podcast.
"It breaks my heart because not only is there pressure -- so much pressure -- from the, you know, not only just the outside world, but your own body."
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The Season 11 The Bachelorette star laughed but continued on a serious note, "I feel pressure from my own body to be like, 'Bitch, [you] can't really do this in, like, too many more years,' and then it's scary. So I don't know."
Rachel, who is also 38 and happily married to her The Bachelorette 13 winner Bryan Abasolo, said she could totally understand where Kaitlyn is coming from. Rachel, herself, has been "freaking out" about her current reality and the fact she'll have to make a decision about kids soon.
Kaitlyn therefore continued, "Obviously, so many things in life are changing and women are having babies later in life. And I do think that's incredible because we're able to chase our dreams, go after our careers, have our moment, and then be ready to even show up as a better mother."
"But I don't know when it's going to happen for me now," she added.
The Dancing with the Stars 29 winner and two-time The Bachelorette co-host said while she doesn't consider herself to be "a control freak," she's "extremely inpatient."
If or when Kaitlyn gets pregnant, however, she is still admittedly "terrified" of being a mom in this day and age, mainly because of the influence of social media.
"I haven't been on social media for eight days, but I'm like, 'I'm okay! I'm not missing anything.' I truly feel way more present in conversations I'm having and things I want to go out and do," Kaitlyn concluded.
Meanwhile, Jason shared on "Trading Secrets" last week that he's been trying to "cope" and "grieve" his breakup with Kaitlyn, which has been "really tough."
RELATED LINK: 'THE BACHELORETTE' COUPLES NOW"For anyone who has texted or called, apologies for not getting back... It's just been a really foggy week. It's a lot of emotional swings," he said.
Jason also said he planned to skip a boys' trip to Saratoga.
"I want to continue to just go through my journey and work toward what's next," he explained.
"And the idea of a distraction and hanging and partying and drinking with the guys it doesn't feel like that's in my cards."
Kaitlyn revealed on her podcast last week how her mental health "hit rock bottom" after her split from Jason but she's been leaning on family and friends for support.
"Not being on social media has really helped [me heal], and I'm scared to go back. I think the noise will be gone a bit, when I'm back, and then I will be very cautious of what I'm looking at and taking in," Kaitlyn said on her podcast's August 15 episode.
"I just feel like focusing on myself and my mental health right now, and tuning out the noise is important."
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Kaitlyn said she and her ex-fiance failed to make each other -- and their relationship -- a priority and so they slowly grew apart.
"We haven't been choosing each other," Kaitlyn admitted. "We haven't."
Jason is currently living "down the street" from Kaitlyn in Nashville and they're both taking care of the two Golden Retrievers they had adopted together during better times: Pino and Ramen.
Kaitlyn insisted the breakup was mutual and no one is at fault or to blame for the demise of their four-year relationship.
The former The Bachelorette star also said her current dynamic with her ex-fiance is amicable and has nothing but love and respect for him.
Once the pair publicly confirmed their "painful" and "heartbreaking" decision to end their engagement on August 6, Kaitlyn asked for prayers and privacy via Instagram Stories, and Jason called his ex a "beautiful person" whom he'll always admire.
Jason also got audibly emotional when recording the introduction to the August 7 episode of his "Trading Secrets" podcast.
Kaitlyn was then approached by TMZ at the Los Angeles International Airport on August 8, when she was on her way to film a cameo on The Golden Bachelor, and she confirmed that she was doing "fine."
Kaitlyn and Jason never followed through with planning a wedding after their engagement, which raised eyebrows and eventually prompted breakup speculation.
Breakup rumors began to swirl in July because Kaitlyn and Jason hadn't posted anything about each other on Instagram for about a month. Jason also took a solo trip to see his mother in New York in late July, and he posted photos with his dogs during a fun day out in Nashville -- but Kaitlyn didn't participate.
And when Instagram users flooded The Bachelorette alums' comments with questions and concerns about the status of their relationship, neither Kaitlyn or Jason responded.
Kaitlyn fueled speculation her romance was on the rocks -- or over completely -- when she took to Instagram Stories on August 1 with an angry message.
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Needing to "process things" seemed to suggest she and Jason had split up and called off their engagement.
The Dancing with the Stars 29 winner continued, "Have a f-cking heart. You're scaring me with your comments and demands. I'm almost worried about YOU."
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Kaitlyn quickly deleted the post, but screenshots of it still exist online and in her "Off the Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe" podcast group on Facebook.
Kaitlyn subsequently uploaded a permanent post on Instagram featuring lyrics to her 2020 song "If I'm Being Honest," which suggested she wasn't ready to tell her story.
Kaitlyn had also been spotted without her engagement ring in July and wrote cryptic posts on social media about needing to toughen up.
While Kaitlyn and Jason breakup rumors were circulating, Kaitlyn's first fiance, her The Bachelorette 11 winner Shawn Booth, announced he's going to be a dad with a woman named Audrey "Dre" Joseph, who had taken professional and promotional photos of him and is a member at his gym.
Kaitlyn and Shawn were together for about three years and announced their breakup in November 2018.
Jason, who initially competed for Becca Kufrin's heart on The Bachelorette's fourteenth season in 2018, asked Kaitlyn out on their first date in January 2019, and their romance moved quickly.
Jason moved from his place in Seattle, WA, to live with Kaitlyn in Nashville, TN, in June 2019, and then the couple adopted their two dogs together. Jason then popped the question in Spring 2021.
In June 2022, Kaitlyn told Us that she and Jason planned to start trying for a baby right after their wedding.
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When asked about her nuptials on the February 5 episode of "The Most Dramatic Podcast Ever with Chris Harrison," Kaitlyn confessed with a laugh, "We suck."
"Honestly, any time we sit down to talk about [the wedding], we literally want to do something else," Kaitlyn said of her former dynamic with Jason at their home in Nashville.
"And that sounds so terrible because it should be a priority, but it doesn't feel like one -- and we're both okay with that."
Chris, who hosted The Bachelor franchise for nearly two decades, assured his friend, "That's all that matters," and Kaitlyn agreed.
"I feel like there's so much noise, like, 'Why aren't you guys talking about the wedding? Why is there not a wedding happening?!'" Kaitlyn shared.
"And it's like, 'I don't need to prove my relationship through a wedding.' I don't know, I just don't."
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About The Author: Elizabeth Kwiatkowski
