Taylor Frankie Paul has accused her ex-boyfriend and baby daddy, Dakota Mortensen, of having manipulated, threatened and publicly humiliated her.
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"It's so sad because nobody wants to be like this. I hate that I am no longer myself. I hate that I stayed for so long," Taylor, 31, wrote in her emotional post on Thursday, May 14.
"I blame nobody more than my own damn self, because how did I allow this for my kids and myself for so long? I'm sorry to THEM. I don't need to log off and remain silent. I've already admitted in court I'm fully NOT INNOCENT, I know that. None of it is okay, period."
The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives star said she's "been in survival mode" for years "with miscarriages, pregnancy, postpartum, and horrible betrayal with so many lies told, which added to the trauma on my body physically, hormonally, mentally, and emotionally. Those layers also matter."
Taylor admitted her life became "more difficult" when she was "scared to call for help" or open up to anybody.
"I was being reminded I would be the one in trouble given I'm the one on probation already," Taylor wrote, referring to her 2023 arrest on multiple assault charges following a fight with Dakota.
"Imagine being pregnant & postpartum healing internally and too scared to ask for help or at the very least speak about it, and he knew he had that advantage, which gave him MORE access to do whatever, knowing I'd remain silent."
The mother of three went on to allege, "What people aren't understanding is you don't even realize you're in it and what's happening psychologically for a long time. You solely believe you're the only insane one because they twist everything that you eventually feel insane."
Taylor admitted it was "gut-wrenching to learn" that she was never actually insane.
"In fact, I was right about it all," she argued, adding how "projection" played a huge role in her toxic relationship with Dakota.
"It's a human response to eventually snap and then getting stuck in the cycle because they console you, saying, 'It's okay you're acting out, I'm still here for you and love you still,' which then you're feeling bad as they are aware they are gaslighting you."
RELATED LINK: 'THE BACHELORETTE' COUPLES NOWThe MomTok creator added, "Even after learning a lot of that, you STILL want to be held by that same person. It's twisted, I know."
Taylor then addressed "valid" criticism that she didn't leave Dakota sooner, considering things were so bad and unhealthy between them.
"Let's look at how it ended for me when I finally did [leave him]. I was love bombed then manipulated, threatened, physically hurt, cops called on me, publicly humiliated, lost most friends because he got to them, CPS called, and am now in court all because I said no more and he knew I meant it this time," Taylor claimed.
"The difference between us, my love was real for him without gaining anything, and people know that. Not sure it was the same in return. I cried the whole way home after court, allowing the pain through."
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Dakota made multiple domestic violence allegations against Taylor in February.
After Dakota and Taylor both filed for a protective order against each other, a judge granted Dakota temporary custody of their two-year-old son, Ever True, during an April 7 court hearing.
Taylor was only given up to eight hours per week of supervised visitation with Ever, but on April 14, the Salt Lake County District Attorney's Office announced that Taylor won't face charges.
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The pair remain in a legal battle over Ever and will revisit their custody arrangement at their next court hearing on June 1. (Taylor also shares daughter Indy, 8, and son Ocean, 5, with ex-husband Tate Paul.)
"I wish he had been the person he pretended to be," Taylor continued in her Instagram post.
"I experienced enough, I saw too much. The mask fell off, and not only with me. We're both in the wrong. What I can say is I didn't want to ruin his life, call cops on him, take his child away, or claim complete innocence -- that's the difference between us."
Taylor wrapped up her post by taking a shot at her The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives costar Mikayla Matthews.
"And then we have friends like Mikayla that come at me during all this, and now she wants me to apologize? Absolutely not. She can go kick rocks instead of kicking me right now," Taylor vented.
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In the caption of her post, Taylor explained that she wants to take accountability but also share her emotions since she's begun processing everything that happened to her in recent months.
"You can see things for what you want. Truth always prevails. This all ties together in some way. Some are absolutely out to see me fall and that isn't an assumption, that is fact... I don't want easier, I want to share even as ugly and as hard as it is," Taylor wrote.
"And if it's so exhausting to see maybe log off yourself? I'm doing out this out LOUD whether people like or not. And thank you for all the support behind me."
The Bachelorette's 22nd season was scheduled to premiere on March 22, but ABC announced its decision to cancel the season on March 19 after a video leaked of Taylor verbally and physically attacking Dakota in 2023 in front of her daughter.
The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives also briefly halted production on its fifth season amid Taylor's legal troubles.
As for whether Taylor's The Bachelorette season will ever air, Disney exec Rob Mills said in multiple interviews that everything will be taken "one day at a time" but he hopes viewers will eventually see the "wonderful" and "fantastic" season.
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Click here to read all the spoilers for Taylor Frankie Paul's The Bachelorette season and find out her winner and how her journey ended.
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About The Author: Elizabeth Kwiatkowski
