Love Is Blind star Kacie Mcintosh has spoken out about her shocking and messy breakup with Patrick Suzuki after the pair got engaged sight unseen on the show.

ADVERTISEMENT

When asked why she ended her relationship with Patrick after the big reveal, Kacie told People, "I cared about him. I didn't want to take him through the next whole process of this, knowing that attraction, it turns out for me, is important."

"And this was me deciding in my head, 'Can this attraction grow as much to take it to a wedding?' I needed to figure that out with him and me on our own back home in Denver."

On Love Is Blind's ninth season -- which premiered on October 1 and featured singles looking for love in Denver, CO -- Kacie and Patrick fell in love while getting to know each other in the pods, and they got engaged before seeing one another.

After meeting face to face, Kacie -- who had told Patrick that she loved him -- admitted that she didn't want to continue with the experiment and get married.

Kacie dumped Patrick in what turned out to be an awkward and strange breakup during Episode 6 because the hair and makeup artist, with tears in her eyes, told the cameras she wasn't attracted to Patrick, yet she was shown straddling and kissing him before parting ways.

When looking back on how her connection with Patrick fell apart, Kacie recalled the vibe feeling off during their reveal.

"I just remember feeling like, 'This is a stranger in my arms right now.' You do, unfortunately, you kind of picture -- you try not to --  but picture maybe who this person's going to be," Kacie explained.

"And then, I saw him and I was like, 'Oh' -- not like his looks or anything, just feeling him. I was like, 'Oh, this is a stranger. I actually don't know this person.'"

Kacie said because Patrick felt like a stranger to her in that moment, she "started to crash out" and spiral.

"I started to realize this is a serious thing we're about to go do. This is for marriage. This isn't for like, 'Oh, am I going to date him? We're just going to go on dates after this.' This was like, 'No, we're going to take this to the altar.' And at the moment, I just couldn't do that," Kacie noted.

Kacie, however, told the magazine that she didn't have the intentions of ending her romance with Patrick for good.

"No, I didn't want to end things at that point... When I saw him, he was the only person in that whole room that I felt like I really knew, so that's why I felt so comforted," Kacie shared.

"Everybody's like, 'Why were you kissing him?' I was like, 'Because I felt comfort in his arms.' It's just a crazy experience. And then, I was, for a moment like, 'Am I making a mistake? Should we stay?'"

Kacie continued, "But at this point, I thought the only way we're ever going to make this really work is if we come back to Denver and date slowly at our own pace and not this rushed, get to the altar in a month."

Patrick wondered if he was Kacie's "backup plan" all along because she was still in communication with her ex-boyfriend, but Kacie confirmed that wasn't the case at all.

"Patrick wasn't the backup plan, he was the main plan. And when we got back to Denver, I did reach out to him," Kacie revealed.

"I know that's getting misconstrued that I ghosted him. That's not what happened. I really did think I fell in love with him. I cared about him. I still care about him. I feel really bad that right now this is such weighing heavy on him."

Kacie apparently saw Patrick say in his own interview with People that he wasn't sure if Kacie had dumped him because he's ugly or not cool?

"And I obviously thought he was pretty fricking cool. I fell in love with him," Kacie clarified.

Because of how Kacie handled things, she's been accused of going on Love Is Blind for the wrong reasons.

"It comes back to we're there 10 days, hours on end. You saw the worst parts of me... A lot of people are coming after me like I don't deserve love, but I went on. I've wanted love more -- I don't want to say more than anybody -- but I wanted to find my person," Kacie insisted.

Kacie said at age 34, she truly wants to share her life with somebody.

"I thought this show was going to be a really good opportunity to maybe see if I could find a connection with somebody and be with somebody that wasn't just physical," Kacie said.

"Because in my past, it has been just basically physical and I really wanted a more deep connection with somebody. And to say I went on for clout or fame, well, I would take away the clout and fame to get rid of Episode 4, I will say that."

On Episode 4 of Love Is Blind, Kacie and Patrick's relationship turned sexual and they were heavily flirting. Kacie told People that watching herself have "sexy talk" on TV has been "the biggest ick" of her life.

Kacie pointed out how her future children and husband are unfortunately going to see that.

"But yeah, I'm still on this journey to find love. And the great part about this show is they gave me new tools of, yes, attraction does matter to me, but also this connection does matter. Now, finding both of them together is where we're at," Kacie said.

When asked if she has any regrets about the way her breakup with Patrick went down, Kacie claimed she was trying to "protect his feelings and insecurities" the best she could.

"And it came off weird. It came off wrong. It was like gaslighting, and I think that was my biggest regret," Kacie confessed to the magazine.

"Unfortunately, nobody knew what was going through my head. I'm a lover girl. I was like, 'Wait, maybe this could work in Denver.' But yeah, I regret making him feel more insecure about his biggest thing, and not being completely honest."

Kacie added, "Nobody wants to say right to their face, 'I don't know if the attraction can grow. Let's go home.' I just didn't want to say that right then in that moment. We just came off seeing each other [at the reveal]... I didn't want to break his heart in that way."

Kacie acknowledged that she's been receiving a lot of hate and backlash since the episode aired.

"I just have to say I wore my heart on my sleeve. I did what I could and I'm human and I did an experiment that unfortunately just did not work for me," Kacie explained, adding how she feels "really sorry" that the experiment didn't work out for Patrick either.

"And how I went about everything, did I do it in the way everybody wanted me to? No, but I did it in the way I thought was best at the time, and that's all I can do."

Kacie insisted that she truly "loved" Patrick and they were in it together for quite some time.

"I did the best I could with the weirdest experience you'll ever go through that nobody will really ever understand," she concluded.
About The Author: Elizabeth Kwiatkowski

FOLLOW REALITY TV WORLD ON GOOGLE NEWS