JoJo Fletcher might not have realized going into her The Bachelorette season how much her breakup with former The Bachelor star Ben Higgins truly shook her world.
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"I was so excited to see Jordan for our date in Thailand. It had been almost a week since I'd seen him and I missed him so much! This was a man I was falling in love with," Fletcher wrote in her People blog.
"Going into this date, I knew that we stood in a place that was special to us. I know my feelings for him were strong, but there was still these fears in the back of my head. But I decided to put them aside until dinner that night and have fun on this hike!"
Fletcher and Rodgers embarked on a long, strenuous hike before enjoying each other's company in a temple inside a cave.
"I chose Jordan for this date because I knew he'd be able to handle this activity, and also selfishly, if I started to collapse from heat (y'all probably know by now that heat and I do not mix) he could probably carry me up this mountain," Fletcher said.
Fletcher noted the temple turned out to be the most spiritual place she's ever been visited.
"Sharing this moment with Jordan was really special. Also, respecting the culture and not kissing during this moment brought us closer," Fletcher admitted.
"Talking to Jordan about meeting my family made me excited about the future. Hearing how important my father's blessing was to Jordan was everything I wanted to hear. But for some reason I couldn't shake the memory of Ben."
Higgins not only told Fletcher he loved her on The Bachelor, but he also said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Fletcher was completely ready for a future with Higgins until he dumped her at the final Rose Ceremony in favor of current fiancee Lauren Bushnell.
"Hearing everything I wanted to hear [from Jordan], you know it made me wonder, Is it too good to be true?" Fletcher revealed.
"I know it is unfair for me to compare the two, but in this journey, I can't help but explore all my concerns. But going into this night I knew I loved him, and he loved me. I have to put my fears aside and continue to treat each relationship as their own -- and not let my past interrupt my future."
When Fletcher woke up the morning after her Fantasy Suite with Rodgers, she had to come to grips with the fact she was in love with two men, because she had also fallen deeply for Robby Hayes.
RELATED LINK: 'THE BACHELORETTE' COUPLES NOW"More then ever I understood the feelings that Ben had last season," Fletcher confessed. "I was in love with two amazing men -- and as scary as that was, it just made me feel so optimistic that I was on the right track to finding my husband."
Despite being in love with both guys, Fletcher refused to tell either of them the extent of her feelings.
"This time last season is when Ben told me he was in love with me and then broke my heart. So heading into this week... [I was] cautious to not make the same mistake that I thought Ben had made with me," Fletcher wrote, adding that it was "so hard" to hold herself back from saying those three little words.
"I promised myself that after what Ben had put me through I wouldn't to that to these guys. And so as hard as it was, I stuck with my promise."
About The Author: Elizabeth Kwiatkowski
